DFC #278

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Gina just saw Dennis in the cellar with Dad and Uncle Roy.Anastasia


Three words, sounds like: Yule Tide Singer...Alright, here's a visual clue...Jeffy, what are you--JEFFY! DON'T TEASE HER! YOU FIGHT ONE BEAN, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THE WHOLE BURRITO!Andrella

Remember, once you've had... um... whatever the hell she is, you'll never go back.Gen. Sedgwick

A sidewalk in her backyard? Damn, they must be rich.Gen. Sedgwick

Hypno hair or not, Jeffy was undefeated in the neighborhood "Scanners" competition.Norm DePlume

"No, Jeffy, she only goes out with guys who are bigger than this! That's bigger! Did you hear me?!"anon

Look! Suzie Derkins' cheap-ass weave is fallin' out! Damn, that's funny!NME

Just -this- much ebola virus, and look! She can't stop bleeding!A bad, bad, man

Rule one of flirting, Jeffy. "Good on you mate" is not an acceptable pick-up line!Mr. Ben (and neither is "Y'all think rasslin's fake, honey?")

YOW! Jeffy! When you stuff your pants, use a cucumber...not an eggplant!Rotter

Step right up! Guess the ethnicity an' win a prize! Step right up...Doc Evil

Grandma walked by and this one turned into stone. I guess what the kids say about Grandma is true.Anastasia

We may have huge, melon-shaped heads, but god! At least we don't have to hold them up constantly with our hands.Mr. Groovy

With this tiny remote control, Robitic Rita is yours to command to over 43,000 actions. She's gone down on me a couple of times but other than that she's practically new.devvie

See? I told you there were people whose butts didn't start mid-back.devvie

"Get it? She's a Polish mine detector! ... aw geez, Jeffy, if I have to explain it to you it loses everything."tv's Spatch

Having seen Billy's "blackface/drag" act before, Dolly remained uninterested. Jeffy, however, was enthralled, confused, and more than a little horny.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

She's one of those "Peanuts" kids. It's so funny to watch them try and keep their heads from swelling up when they come over.Blue Gargantua

"If you think its cool she can touch her fingers through her head, you should see what she can do between her legs!"Frod

...but if you want to touch her, that'll be $20 first.Bubba

Dolly's attempts to teach Jeffy American sign-language were thwarted once again by the sight of a very young, pre-peroxide Nancy Sinatra.Okay?

I told you that Koreans had removable heads...Pay up.War Gerbil

That's what will happen to you if I catch you trying to steal one of my regular John's like she did. Thanks to my special powers, she'll be hearing the howling of Beelzabub for four to six weeks!!xian, the boy with the monkey heart

She might have beat me at hopscotch, but I'm still Number Two! I'm Number Two!xian, the boy with the resessive genes

Mesmerised by the beauty of the dark stranger, Jeffy completely ignored his sisters warnings. So when the little girl dropped him off at the Keane household three days and thirty body piercings later, he really had noone to blame but himself.xian, the boy with the monkey heart

She's Homeless Alone!Namgubed the Merry Elf

Even way out here, Dad's snoring is pretty darn loud!Namgubed the Merry Elf--

How do you say "get the fuck off our property?" in Spanish?Kevy

Eventually, her sense of balance will adapt to Bil's warped perspective.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Don't just stand there, bust a move!"Frod

The tranquilizer dart's taking effect - break out the gunny sack!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"She's gonna be real famous, I think her name is Statutory Spice."almost cool

"At first, Dolly's powers were limited to levitating her dolls and turning 'My Little Pony' figures inside out. Then she had her first period, and all hell broke loose."-- from White Circle, Dark Circus by Jeffy KeaneHideo Spanner

Damn! Superglue and Simon Says does mix!Lex

"Ha! Told you she still has flashbacks from helicopter raids in 'Nam! You owe me five bucks!"Jamey "The firing...the firing! WHY WON'T THEY STOP FIRING?!" Powell

I told her if she clicked her heels and said "there's no place like home", she'd go back to Bloom County. What a dolt!Riff

"When I clap my hands, you will attack that little girl. You will rip her limbs from her body...and remove her eyes from their sockets. When you're done, bring me her boots. Oooonne...Twoooo..."The 13th Floor

"It'll a combination portrait of 'Mona Lisa', 'The Scream', and a generic Hieronymus Bosch hellscene. I've got your barbed-rooster costume behind the shed."Stealth

Family Circus. Humor only Cuban sows can hear.Andrella

Suddenly, the deafening roar stopped. Jeffy, along with the world, remained frozen in place, despite Dolly's best efforts to call to him. She had successfully stopped time -- the nuclear explosion, three seconds from their neighborhood, dead in its tracks. Everything she loved had been saved, but at a maddening price.Mr. Moody

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