DFC #281

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Boy talk about progressive! They even have a Starbucks in the balcony!zazu

Sunday School was fun! We burned Billy at the stake for blasphemy.NME--

"It all went to hell when the priest touched Billy's forehead with that cross and his skin started smoking... but they said he'll just have a nasty scar..."V

Ah, screw this stuff! We're off to play Dungeons and Dragons and listen to rock and roll records with our Catholic neighbors.-- Jack Chick tract #735, Family of Damnation alanon

"Three things you ought to know, Bil: One, you don't get to actually SEE the cremation. Two, the letter from the insurance company says the brake cable was cut with an artist's knife. And three, you fucking cow, the policy was on P.J."spook

Billy will be right out as soon as they finish crucifying Mommy for "crimes against the church!"Mr. Ben

"AAIIEEE! Holy ground! My eyes are bleeding! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!"Magus

"Dad, Pastor Morris wants talk to you. Somebody left a bottle of vodka in the collection plate."Magus

Jeffy thinks that, as an atheistic existentialist, his essence doesn't precede his existence...oh wait, I forgot, you're as dumb as a sack o' hammers. Ol Franklin

"That was a hoot! We should slip alchohol in Father Crane's water more often!"Magus

"Father Bob says there is no eleventh commandment, and 'honoring' is the only thing I have to do for you".Frod

"Jesus Schmesus, $13 is still too much for an autographed 8x10 if you ask me"Kwang The Almighty

The food here was superb, Daddy! We gotta crash these funerals more often!Doc Evil

"Face it, Dad, your new 'Church of St. PJ' is never going to work out. Just accept it and become Catholic again."Magus

"Thanks for another embarassing Communion Sunday.... I really don't think it's a BYOB event."Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

Here's the list of everyone who attended church this week. Around what time next Sunday should we start ransacking their homes?bobo

No sacrifices, no sheeps blood, no pagan sexual rituals, Just what the fuck do they teach in this place?HEAT13

Hey, Bil, you got some spare whiskey and an xacto knife? The Rev'rend is recruiting for the boy's choir, and I took the liberty of filling out Billy's and Jeffy's forms and signed 'um up for the "castrati" section.Hideo Spanner

I said it before and I'll say it again: Jesus had great abs! WOOF!anon

The good news is we don't hafta go to Sunday School anymore. The bad news is we're definitely going to Hell.Riff

"PROGRAMS! PROGRAMS! Can't watch a funeral without a program! Even if it's your own mother and brother-Hahaaaa-ha! Why so glum, Dad?"Dr. Schmuck

I don't see why people make such a big deal about being molested by the clergy, that's the best part of church!The Skyclad Answer (formally Tony's Dancing Clams)

We learned that Jesus died because he loved us. Any chance you might love us that much?Hugh Jass

I don't know about you, but I think the black mass has gone down hill since they introduced folk musicHugh Jass

Catholicism's okay, but the Hare Krishna bible has cooler pictures.Catholicism

Today we learned we're all miserable sinners, damned for all eternity to a black-and-white two dimensional hell, no bigger than a baseball.Tracy

Ok, so what's this with the church? A couple pictures ago we were the pictoral for white trash, What Gives?Terminus

A disgruntled PJ tries to regain his dignity after the nude scene by wearing his Armani suit. Ysabella

Jesus told you to take PJ to the top of the mountain and do what exactly?Snarl

"The good news is that you're on with the ventriloquist's act in the first half of the show. The bad news is that Mommy's doin' her trick with the ping-pong balls right before you."Generik

"Jesus wants me to be a fisher of men! I'm gonna go round a few up right now, if you know what I mean!"Generik

"Did you know that you fit the profile of an abusive parent? ...In fact, you scored the highest of anybody's Daddy in Sunday School!"Generik

Hey Daddy, how come Rev'rend Smith says masturbation is a sin, but you say it's "America's Favorite Spectator Sport"?Vice Pope Doug

You won't b'lieve what Billy hasta do to absolve his sins! Let's just say he'll be walkin' funny for a few days!Vice Pope Doug

Uncle Roy may be a while. He chained himself to the altar, took off his clothes, and is screamin' stuff about ancient tribal prejudices, an' lifestyle choices, an' how if God didn't like boy action he wouldn'ta made the minister look like Brad Pitt.Vice Pope Doug

What a great vacation! We should go to Liliput every year!Riff

"Today we learned that we need to love dog........also, I'm dyslexic."almost cool

I give up. What do both God and PJ both know about your left thumb?Trotsky

"It went all right. Billy still screams the Lord's prayer backwards every time the minister walks by, but at least he didn't leave another "donation" in the collection plate.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

"Bad news, Dad! Jesus is back, and it turns out he's a real stickler for two-point perspective. Hope you like anal warts."Jizmo the Wonder Horse

"Yo Bil, Dr. Seuss wants his tree back."Helix

Sorry Daddy, they aren't gonna let us nail your ninety five thesis' to the church door. Let's tape 'em to the front door down at Hooters and grab ourselves a brewski. Lex Luthor

They handed out the test results today - Father Ted is negative!Mahatma Kane Jeeves

"Here are the schematics we drew in Sunday School. If you place the charge under the fith supporting joist, the whole church should crumble like Mom's carbonized brownies."Omar

Bad news, Dad. The corn says it means chronological age, not IQ. 'Fraid you gotta go.Gen. Sedgwick

We stomped on everyone on your list, Daddy. That Rick Moranis is a genius.M

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