DFC #282

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Coming home for the week with half a kilo of unsold heroin. Looks like another Friday night with Dad & the rake.Nethicus

"We're 0-for-6 on this block, Michael Maybe my wives are right, I'm not cut out for missionary work."Galahad

Man, what a drag! Imagine having to marry your teacher at my age!Joe Z

"I really wish Bil hadn't studied ethnography at the Ringling Brothers' Clown College."ThinkAndDo

"Tyrone, you ever had the feeling that everyone is ignoring you?"Magus

Okay, okay! Fifteen bucks, plus a peek at my Mommy in the shower! I have got to see your pic of Halle Berry in that see through dress!Vice Pope Doug

"And what makes you think you can slove this murder, Mr Tibbs?" from the upcoming movie, "In the Heat of the Morning."Bubba

"I tell you, bud. We've gotta find us a school that doesn't have mandatory cavity searches every day."The Rabid Rabbi

"Hey, DFC-readers! Have you ever had one of those really shitty days when the bastards you beat up for lunch money don't even have enough for a single bottle of Mad Dog 20/20? Howzabout floatin' me a $20 until Friday? I'm hurtin' bad, man."Stealth

Geez, OJ! You shouldn't have beaten up that Ito kid! That's gonna bite you in the ass one day!The Amazing Deadpool!

I'm sorry I embarassed you in show and tell. I had no idea that Uncle Roy was your father.Anastasia

That damn genie...I wanted a Black Russian! Not a...aw...dammit.....Jenn Dolari

Leroy wondered whether Billy meant "it's impossible" or "it's ill-advised" when he said, "You can't stare too long at a nuclear reaction."Namgubed the Merry Elf

Thanks for bein' my hit-man, Orenthal -- some day, I'll return the favor.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Yeah, I'd sure like to be a shrimp boat captain some day, Bubba.Namgubed the Merry Elf--

I know it's called show-and-tell, Dave, but you didn't have to show THAT. You gave every white kid in class an inferiority complex.Your cruise co-ordinator

As Billy wobbled down the road in a drunken stupor, Terrance turned away and repeated to himself the advice his mother had given him about the Keanes--"Just don't look at them and hope they move away."Ultra-Girl

"Well, here comes another weekend of bloody sodomizing an' cleanin' up the old man's puke. TGI fuckin' F!"Generik

"I tried to warn you, Elroy! 'Don't ask, don't tell' means just that!"Generik

"Crap. An 'F'. I thought settin' up a crystal meth lab would be a killer show an' tell!"Generik

"Billy and Reginald, increasingly despondent over their failures to fit in with local DFC gangstas, at that moment resolved to 'get our 9's' and once and for all 'show them niggaz who's down'." -excerpt from Runnin' in Circles: Confessions of a Cartoonanon

Walk faster! If any of my "Young Nazis for Jesus" buddies see me, I'm fucked!Vice Pope Doug

Man that's humiliating. You know you've hit a new low when they kick you out of a suicide cult.nonentity

Here, Billy simultaneously experiences the heartbreak of first love and the painful onset of white guilt.Mycroft

I don't know Charley, Mrs. Hanson is one hell of a piece of ass but I'm not sure if I like her enough to kill her husband.anon

"I think expulsion is a little heavy for showing the class how to get to alt.binaries.erotica.melonheads."Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

Hey, did you know that the new kid is a ni...Yow!Gov. LePetomaine

"Don't look. Those federal guys are just field-testing the Ark of the Covenant again."Dr. Dude

Ever notice how the letters in "Lowell Elementary School" can be rearranged to spell "Welcome to hell, son...really"?soon

But how am I s'posed to give a report on pre-Columbian civilization without mentioning the Book of Mormon?!?soon

"Jeez, what a day. I can't wait 'til I get home, so I can change back into the clown suit and relax."Larry Hastings

Boy, was that rehearsal ever shitty. I guess we ain't never goin' to be the Spice Boys!K-man

Swing loooow, sweet chari-uh-hut...timm

A young Mr. Belvedere is distraught to learn he's failing "Meddling 207." Benson just looks away in disgust.Tangent

Don't bother kid, the fence is very electrocuted.Brad Popsiclestick

9:00 FOX Young Pulp Fiction School Daze: Vincent and Jules, suspended for swearing, plot a zany revenge on their teacher. Harvey Keitel guest-stars as "Mr. Dante"Paul "Gimp" Reed

What do you mean 'It's a black thing, I wouldn't understand.'? I been smokin' crack and fuckin' ho's since I was six. You aren't the only "at risk" kid at this school.Action Jackson

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