DFC #284

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Sure, she may like a cup of bean juice to get her going in the morning, but I kind of prefer keeping my senses dulled as long as I can, around here.The Outsider

Yeah, I know it's just mud, but play along until I can call for help.Demented Shmuck Productions

"You know, Jeffy, sometimes, when Mom's got the coffee brewin' and Dad lights up a big stogie, I pretend I'm out of this hell hole and in a trendy coffehouse in Seattle. You should try it. I think it's called 'positive imagery' or sumpfin' like that."Lora-loo

Known for his bizarre last-second decisions, Bil cut the fern from the final take.Namgubed the Merry Elf--

See how the entire cartoon is unbalanced and awry, UNTIL you set the coffee pot as the main focus? The pot is holy, Jeffy. The pot is God.Dan Jones

Five bucks says this ain't the only fluid from Juan Valdez she's consumed.Gen. Sedgwick

Every year on Nov. 22 she has her hair like that and puts on that pillbox hat.... kinda sad, really, even for Thel.Gen. Sedgwick

"I can't ever keep it straight -- is Mom's sweater a dromedary or a bactrian?"Mycroft

Hey! Before we get a lap full of scalding coffee, wouldja take that apple juice an' splash Mom outta her narcoleptic fit?Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Well, yeah, it starts out fun. But the Japanese Tea Ceremony ends with Daddy stomping around Sumo style with a rolled-up pillow case stuffed in the crack of his ass while he beats off like a caged monkey"spook

One lump or two? How about a generous dollop o' Bailey's?Namgubed the Merry Elf--

Ha ha! Another mug of Sea Monkeys bite the dust!Rabbi Baby Buggy Bumpers

Mom actually only drinks decaf. What gets her going in the morning is the crystal meth.Anastasia

"You've got the big bad Java monkey on your back now Jeffy, and you're going to have to learn to deal with it"moo i say

Yes, but do they make their cappuccino with breast milk at the Circle K? I think not.Godot

This clinches it: Bil uses a factory-irregular Barbie doll to model Thel's body and one of those round plastic Fisher-Price peg-people to model her head.soon

Yeah! Order the "Super Deluxe" breakfast and you get grits and a side of crumbs, too!Mr. Ben

See? Corn don't dissolve like marshmallows.Trevita

Bil likes his coffee like he likes his women, cold and bitter.Tryin' The Difficult Zone

Ever see a middle-aged woman totally snap and brew up all of Dad's drawing ink? Not a pretty sight...Doc Evil

I still say I'm gonna win the "poison-caption" pool this time around!The Outsider

"See how Mom's uniboob has two humps now? That illustrates cell mitosis."Stealth

We've secretly replaced the Keane's ordinary coffee with the bile and vituperence of a wasted existence. Let's see if they notice.Action Jackson

Look, Bil's discovered the "dribble glass" gag. In another twenty years, he'll think up the whoopee cushion.Peon

Now that's a damn fine cup of joe. Damn fine!Action Jackson

"Bil likes his coffee like he likes his men...strong and black"I admit nothing

Actually it was just a blood stain from last nights drunken animal sacrifice, but the next morning Bil decided it would be a "shadow"the skyclad answer

Hey! You shouldn't drink coffee! It'll stunt your growth! Get it? Aw... you're about as sharp as a bowling ball, jeffy.Bubba

"See, when you get old, like mommy...you need a good kick in the ass every morning. An' she sure ain't gonna get it from dad."The 13th Floor

Hmmm. Black coffee for Daddy. His parole officer must be coming over.Eat yerself fitter

One more crack like that, Baconhair, and Not Me might just launch a blistering hot cup of Hill Brothers straight into your damn face.Eat yerself fitter

Black coffee and toast! This is the best Thanksgiving ever!Eat Yerself Fitter

Isn't it sweet how she fixes Dad's breakfast every morning, even though he hasn't gotten up in the morning for work in over fifteen years?marty gray


"...so that just proves my point that Chance the Gardener and Ishiguro's butler are actually two sides of the same coin, free-willwise. Now pull my finger, bacon head. Eat yerself fitter

"Someday, we'll get cups with handles...so we don't hafta palm our glasses like a fuckin' primate" The 13th Floor

"My advice to you is to NEVER try a sip of that coffee. I did that once, and I woke up naked in an alley two blocks away."Magus

Dad must be taking one of those Learn To Draw courses. I think this is the first time I've ever seen mom in one of these tricky 'three quarter" shots.timm

That's right Jeffy, we're all CYBORGS! Now drink your 10-W30 and shut up!anon

Mmm...a mug full of cigarette tar and a slab of jello shot. Mmm....the Breakfast of Champions!Jenn Dolari

Mom's given us water straight outta Lake Erie again!Nethicus

"Look, her eyes are closed, she put K-Y on her toast, and the coffee she's pouring is still cold. She'll relapse into a coma by noon, tops."Thany

"Oh, please! Let her have a fifth cup! Caffiene is the LAST chemical cruising through her system that we should worry about!"Tillman

"Word of advice, Mom. Never drink coffee that's shooting out little wavy lines."The Rabid Rabbi

"Don't be frightened, Jeffy. Double boobs are quite common in the outside world and completely harmless. Except for the set on Jenny McCarthy."Dave Matthews

"Mus'ta been a rough one last night. She's shakin' like Katie Hepburn."Randall

Quick, drink it before it clots.Bubba

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