DFC #290

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"WHAT?! You were too late?! March straight back into that Time Gate, and this time when you come back you'd better have assassinated George Bush!"anon

"Enough about your "struggle of the urban proletarian" dogma. You stay in the corner until you get your Marxist theorems under control."Evil Damo Suzuki

Although she later regretted her outburst, Thel was quite mad when Billy finally pronouced 'spaghetti' correctly. If this continued, Bil would have to come up with some new material!The Rabid Rabbi

I don't care if you are enjoying yourself or not you selfish little bastard!!! Charlie Brown has paid A CHUNK of change to act out his fantasy!!!! Until I say otherwise you are a FOOTBALL!!!!! Am I making myself clear!?!?!?Huggy Bear is back from the Dead!!!!!

"And if you call me 'top heavy' one more time," Thelma sputtered, "You won't get to babysit PJ alone anymore!"yucky

Give her cab fare, get her out of here, and try again. I said we need a DOOR!!Gen. Sedgwick

"OK, Mr. Potty Mouth, get your butt into the next panel and help Mark Trail shovel out th' moose poop!"anon

Young man, you are not to put your father's cartoons on the Internet so a million idiots can submit their own captions to them! Go to your room!Mr. Ben McClellan

Billy, I've told you a million times, BOYS DO NOT USE TAMPONS! GEMINI63anon

Go write -I will not say "with an ass like that, stretch pants are a privilege not a right"- one hundred times on the blackboard!Rainman

Thelma Keane had a very odd way of sending her children to their rooms. "I BANISH THEE, lesser daemon of Shug-Niggurath. Begone to the 3rd plane of hell! Ia, Cthulhu F'tagn!"Magus

It's not every day we have a famous visitor, so get in there and do whatever the King of Pop wants!Nethicus

Now get back in there and apologize to BishopTutu for asking him where his ballerina shoes are! k-man (From the book "Pun time with the melonheads")

Now get back in there, and when Daddy says not to bite, DON'T BITE!You don't want to know

Get in there and glue your father's toupee back on!Special Edition

"Under the influence of your brother's hair?" what kinda sorry excuse is that? Where do you get these ideas? The Internet?yakko!

"Listen! Your sister is pregnant and YOU are the father! Now get in there and witness your son's birth!!!ME

We can't afford an Au Pair. So stop askingTreb

Now, go back and put on a t-shirt with a slogan! And it had better be stupid!!Namgubed the Merry Elf

5,534 B.C.: The giant goddess Thel busts her son's balls at Keanehenge.Dave Matthews

"My clients asked for a shirtless young boy with a leather armband and chaps! You go to your room and spend a little time thinking about customer satisfaction, young man!"Galahad

Thel cruelly mocks Billy's short stature by holding her finger too high for him to pull.Norm DePlume

...That'll teach you to leach off the success of your little brother with a low-quality slogan tee shirt!Ultra-Girl

What a whiner, have I told you how I had to turn tricks in the snow and ice? have I? now get back in there and take it like a girl.anon

If Kathy Lee knew you went out for a smoke, she'd have both our asses! Get back to your sewing machine!xian, the boy with the monkey heart

What would I do to lay a hand on Thel's ass and look at those tits. Notice the curverture of her upper thigh, the way the muscles ripple under her tights.... Doh! Did I say that outloud?thoth

I don't care if your jaw is tired! Get in there and finish off your sister!I'm so ashamed

Go in there and sit on his lap! Pants or not, he's still your father!I am still ashamed

...and if you ever do that in front of someone from the child abuse board again, you're going to learn what child abuse is, young man!The Outsider

Now get back to your bleak, meaningless life!ewhac

"March yer ass to the store RIGHT NOW! You will NOT drink mommy's malt liquor and replace it with Keystone Light!"Tillman

Now you get out of this featureless, stark white room, and get into that other featureless, stark white room!Riff

I want you write "I will not sell PJ as Tickle-Me-Elmo" 1,000 times! You hear me, young man?Kevy

The DFC Players present the murder scene from Macbeth. Shem

Impotence is not an issue addressed with sensitivity in the Keane household.Vice Pope Doug

... and you will never, EVER implicate your family in an intrastate triple homicide again -- do you understand me??Vice Pope Doug

And you'll stay in your room until you can admit that the Mao's neo-agrarian reforms paralleled Frederick II's 1737 redistribution of principate holdings among the vested merchant class!!!! Tonya Harding

I warned you, young man. No jumping on the invisible furniture!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"I brought you into this cartoon - and I can take you OUT of it!"ysabella

...And you can just stay in your room untill you learn to quit walking like Andy Capp!Doc Evil

Get out of my house, you evil child! How DARE you wear white shoes after Labor Day!!!alanon

Billy learns that, although obscene racist epithets about Hispanics have a home on "Ziggy", the Keane family is and always will be strictly anti-Semetic.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Scene from Home Alone 4: The Last One Leaves and Thel Does the Nasty With a Shoe Tree.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

I don't care if she was "beggin' for it" -- you can NOT pleasure your grandmother just because she's in a coma!!Vice Pope Doug

As punishment for neglecting his chores, Thel would glue Billy's hands to his ass and send him out into the neighborhood to be ridiculed, laughed at and, on days when Jeffy was roaming the neighborhood, raped with a rusty lunchbox.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

...And don't even think of coming out again until you're covered in corporate logos like a normal kid!Rotter

Thel, finally fed up with Billy's excessive masturbating, Krazy-glued his arms to his sides and forced him to run laps through the living room.Skrote

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