DFC #30

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

So that's why the mail's always late!anon

'Ludes. Last of th' 'ludes...anon

I wonder where the mailman is.....my ass is feeling.....unused.Superdan

...And there goes Dolly running by again. ...And there goes Daddy hobbling after her with his pants around his ankles again...Tuktoyuktuk Head

Hey, it's hailing again! Boy, I'll bet Dolly wishes I'd unlock the door and let her back in the house *now*.Tuktoyuktuk Head

That Rottweiler's got P.J. again, Mom.Tuktoyuktuk Head

Huh. Perspective has been thrown off and distorted to hell outside, too.Friend of Tone Csernak, Hungarian Stallion

Oooh, Mrs. Wilson, I'd like to fertilize your garden . . Oh, yeah, down on all fours, sweatin' 'n diggin' . . Whoa mommma!anon

Some days I stand here for hours contemplating my existence in the DFC, and I thank God Mommy won't let me near anything sharp.Bill Hunter

I wish that stupid Don King would stop hanging around in our flower garden.Bill Hunter

Even my personal psychic told me to just give up.Kraken

Mommy, daddy's fisting barfy again!anon

Nobody understands my pain. I'm forced to say phony sugary one-liners by my own father, and forced to say disgusting, sadistic, and perverted things by complete strangers. Nobody cares what I really want to say.Greg J

Whoa, Daddy's pulling up the weeds and throwing them in the fire like there's no tomorrow. Dolly, did you tip off the DEA again?Greg J

Hey, does my butt look a little puffy to you? How about with the light like this? No? How 'bout this way?anon

It's no wonder that I can't get laid. The tumors on my scalp are starting to show.THX-1138

I wish the whole world would just burn... burn... burn...Original DFC

Damn! Even Ziggy looks better than I do today.Amber Dowlin

Better bring the Brillo pads, Mom - that woman's frantic claw-like scratches marked up this window pretty good.Craig

Daddy, I see both a burning bush and fire and brimstone raining down from the heavens; what does that mean?Craig

Forget about callin the cops Mom, I just found dad asleep in the flower bed again. Looks like he tagged a few parked cars on the way home last night too! anon

Mommy! The dotted line is trying to break in through the window! It's after me!Magus

I sent in the original caption and it didn't even make the stupid list. (sigh). I gotta get a better writer.anon

Mommy,daddy's wandering around outside with the rifle again.SPAZZAMAJAZ

So Daddy bent me over the table like this... and Billy told me to open my mouth like this... and the next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with the two of them high-fivin' each other.Scumby

Hmmph. I remember when it would take at least a blowpop for Dolly to get into a strange man's car.Spiral X

Hey Dolly, Barfy's attacking the kid in the wheelchair again.Felonious Monk

Oh, Ennui! Will you ever loose your grasp of me?anon

*Sigh* Maybe if I disguised myself as a duck, I could get a transfer to the Far Side.Greg J

It's sure been a boring summer, ever since Charlie Brown kicked me off his baseball team for banging his sister.Kurt L.

I sit at home and watch the tube, but nothin's on... I changed the channel for an hour or two...Kurt L.

Peasants, peasants all!anon

Man, I've got to whiz in the worst way, but Mrs Robert forgot to close the curtain to her bedroom before she got in the shower. Whoa Mama!Doolittle

Hmmmmm, two stories. Nah, I'd probably still survive.matt

Continuing our Comix Collectibles half-hour here on QVC, we have the latest in the DFC Collectors' Plate series. It's item 18726, entitled "Jumped, Or Pushed?"Andy Ihnatko

Must...open...window......Carbon...monoxide...level...dangerously...high...Dark Roger

Number Five is escaping the compound. Have him followed--discreetly, of course--and report his progress to me. He must not be allowed to thwart our plans.panicboy

Yeah Mom, I'm still angry at Daddy 'cause he draws us all like hobbits...Magus

Mom! You're gonna have to find another source for crack! The Hendersons just got raided.Phaze

Y'know, if I had a schlong THAT big, I'd sunbathe nude too.Phaze

So how come I only get one dollar a week for an allowance, but the Brinks truck comes daily for Dolly?Jon Davidson

Mommy, Billy's chasing the dog again. And this time he has a scalpel.Mr. Groovy

Oh, great. We're being carpet-bombed again.anon

Look mom! You can see all the way to Ziggy from here!Incoherency

Hey Mom! The Vice Squad is picking up Dad again.NCB

Shit! I've been trying for half an hour. Why do they make windows so hard for amputees to open?anon

That one...that one too..oh, I might spare her after the revolution...but not her...anon

Some days I feel like a woman trapped in a deformed cartoon boy's body.anon

You know those dotted lines never go away. The whole yard it littered with them! It's like a pre-pubescent trailer park!Origami Duck

*sigh* I wish Mrs. Bumstead would ride me like a dime store pony.zazu

Our cable system must really suck. This is the fourth time the repair guy's been here this afternoon. zazu

OH shit, Here comes Dondi with a bottle of Stoli's and a stack of his old comic strips. I gotta hide. zazu

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?Toozday

"Cops are coming again, Dad."Mr. Clean

Wham! Car wins! Fatality! All right, Dolly, now for round two. Dolly?!

What the hell are you looking at? Did I ask to walk around and say cutsy things? No! I'm just staring out the window. Nothing cute here! Move along, move along.!

One day, you all will bow down berfore my greatness! But, for now, I shall be content to give you all rasberries. Tphh!!

"Thaaat's right. You don't want any nasty ol' tan lines. Nobody's lookin... Just take it off."Blake

Want her...did her...want her...want her...did her...Roy

Triangulated crossfire....he'll never see it coming.anon

"With that Italian piece of shit you own, Oswald? From here? I got a fiver that says you can't."Mister Sinister

Golly. I filled my pants 2 hours ago and no one seems to notice.Bill Hunter

Damn Charlie Brown...won't let me hang with his stupid gang...well, I'll show him..Just like I showed that little bastard Calvin and that stupid tiger...anon

Thanks, mom, those twenty Xanax hit the spot.Stephen Granade

"Son of a bitch... I DO look like the milk man."Jeffy

It certainly is difficult to open a window ever since I fell into the wheat thresher.Phil McGroin

Sure, they banned me from the cock fights, but they still can't keep me from placing my bets.Boschcat of the Apocalypse

Oh oh...naked ugly man is mowing his lawn again.Jon Davidson

Billy grew tired. He had been stuck to the window by his lips for 4 hours now. Someone should have helped him by now. But no. they all just laughed and laughed.Felix W.

Y'know, I bet he'll sue for THAT.Vy Rothko

"...yes, I remember the Road Warrior: the man we called Max."Paul T. Riddell

"...cuz Iiiiiiiiiii ain't got no body! No body!"Paul T. Riddell

If this weren't the ground floor, I'd jump through the window in a second.DMW

You know, it's funny, I must be the only one who doesn't mind being in the DFC.Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar

You know, if I weren't so entertained by it, I would actually try and help that mailman that's being attacked by our pit bull.Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar

Wow! Who knew Mr. & Mrs. Wilson were into bondage!Meli O'Girl

Hmm, yes. She will be a good candidate for our sacrifice, no wait! That one is even better!!

Hey Dolly! Come look at this! Our house is lifting off again!!

You'd think the mailman would know better by now.Natasha

"When they come back, I hope they bring me one of those hats with mouse ears on it."Tim Harrod

What am I looking at? It's not as if Keane is going to draw anything outside the window. Prime Time

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