DFC #300

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

If you don't mind my asking, Grandma...why does this jar say, Food for Giant Praying Mantis ?James315

Billy rubbed the can and spoke to the genie..."OK...for my second wish, make her return to the grave."Sally

"Here ya go. Boy, that crippling arthritis must really suck, huh, Grandma?"Who me?

Nothing I like better in the morning than a can of malt liquor and an old whore.Anastasia


I'm trying not to look at you, Grandma. With that stance & hairdo, you look frighteningly similar to Pimpbot 5000.Nethicus

An' here's a big gold medallion that says "Money Over Bitches." Man, you goin' be STYLIN,' woman.anon

You want the last beer, huh? Well, let me get it ready for you!Namgubed the Merry Elf

You know Grandma, the great thing about being my age and 52 pounds, is one can of Shlitz and I'm shit faced. You on the other hand, have to down your liter of Canadian Club every night to get the same affect. Rainman

Wow, Dolly's right. Three litres of this and you DO look like an alien....Jenn Dolari

Those that thought that the Batman franchise had sunk to an ultimate low had yet to see its newest villans: Broccoli Head and Peanut Butter Boy.Space Mutant

Grannie's retro attire was no match for Billy's CS gas canister.Evil Damo Suzuki

"Even your loose ass and huge thighs look good after a case of schlitz"HRinTUCAZ

I'm sure that this time, it will really have assorted nuts in it. I mean, how many times can I fall for the snake-in-the-can trick?Werehamster

Thanks for the can of whoop-ass, Grandma. Jeffy's gonna get it now!Mr. Ben McClellan

"Let's ask our friend the 'magic beer can' if you will ever wear anything that might look stylish past 1974... Whoa, big surprise it says, 'Not fucking likely'!!!"Ahab, the man with elephant sized testicles

If this stuff doesn't smooth those lumps outta your legs, I'm afraid liposuction is the last option left.Gen. Sedgwick

Grandma, I found your dentures in the peanut butter again!Shu Shu

"Staying close to the john, eh? I don't suppose that would have anything to do with this empty bottle of Metamucil, would it?"twomp

This is the last brewski, Granma. You'd better get your ass down to the kwik-e-mart NOW!Dylan

Man, my Fashion-Faux-Pas-O-Meter is going haywire!Kevin

There's your child proof cap off for ya gramma. Remember our deal; I get half the Demerols.Reverend Wholesomeness

You know grandma, when you aren't able to open your own cat food it's probably time to visit Dr. Kavorkian.The 13th Angel

You paid how much for John Travolta's suit?Werehamster

Dad, This bottle says there could be side effects to taking estrogen.The Warriors

(hic) "an' then they presshhed meeee through the taaaa-bllllllllle" (hic) (hic) "Y'know, G-maw, you make the besht Shingapore Schlingsh thish shide of the Bathhoushe" (hic) Grammaw could only smile with pride. All those years of corespondence bartending schools had finally paid off.xian, the boy with the monkey heart

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