DFC #302

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

What's the deal with the locks, grandma? As if anybody would want your crappy old-lady stuff, or your desicated old-lady body!The Plague

In her typical sense of humor, Grandma taught Tweety bird to say on Bil's arrival, "I tawt I taw a pedophile!"NME--

Sparks flashed from the doorknob above Jeffy's head while Bill checked the wiring one last time. With this much voltage Grandma would be joining Grandpa on the cloud in no time.Off my lithium

Could I borrow your pocketknife, Grandma? Daddy's wanking off in the hall again.Broccoli

"No, NO! We're not encyclopedia salesmen! We're your grandkids! Remember? C'mon! You got Dolly's extra kidney! And P.J.'s fetal brain tissue! THAT should ring a bell!"Tillman

Somehow the horribly deformed children looked oddly familiar...Yes...suddenly the cold reality swept through her soul like some awful nightmare...she actually shares chromosomes with these people...Dog-matic 2000

"Hey, Gramma, Your favorite "Spawns of Satan" are here!"Evil Damo Suzuki

Give me the *BAT*, Granma! I ain't gonna hurt ya, I just wanna *BASH* yer head in!!!Doc Evil

Alright, Alright.....Simon 'fuckin' Says "Open the Damned Door"!!!!Walrus

Dad said you have a nice gold watch. Can I have it when you die?NME (tanx, Rob)--

How ironic .. here I am locked in the "closet".. fighting to get "out".. It's almost as if.. AHH fuck it.. Where's my clown suit??anon

Hi, ma'am. We're collecting souls for Beelzebub. Can we have a moment of your time?Sir Chuck

No, you deaf old biddy, I said "It's your grandson," not "Charles Manson"!Vitamin Tom (with a nod to Adam Sandler)

Lost again, she thought. Shoulda picked Door #3.Gen. Sedgwick

Let me in! My contract 'cifically states that I must entirely appear in the panel! This is a breach of contract, you old bag! Now, let me in!Mr. Ben McClellan

"Billy and I have been in here with dad for 5 whole minutes, and Dad hasn't so much as put his hand down our pants! You owe us each a dollar!"Magus

"They laughed at me when I had the reinforced locks installed on the closet door," she thought. "Who's laughing now?"hangtownman

Hi, Gramma! Dad got totally stoned and made Mom decide she hates men again, so Dad thought we could stay with you, assuming you're his mother and not Mom's. Dad's too baked to remember and me an' Jeffy frankly never cared. Got anything to drink?Space Mutant

Rather than ban phrases like "Bacon-head," "hypno-hair," and all the variations of "Good on you, mate," Grandma Keane decides it would be simpler to just lock Jeffy in the Impossible Zone...and throw away the key.-Jester

Land shark.Harvey Manfrenjensenjen

Jesus, Gramma, what's with the Ft. Knox door? This ain't 'zactly South Central LA.Harvey Manfrenjensenjen

I've come to tell you that bellbottoms are out of style, and so are your deformed legs.Senor Asparagus

More disturbing than the reaching, grubby hands of her grandchildren was the blank stare of her son from behind his thick lensed glasses. For Chrissakes, she had come to accept his Oedipus complex, but did he have to force it onto the kids too?nonentity

"Please Grandma, let us out! I t's been 3 weeks and the bucket is overflowing!!!"a

HAH!!! I SEE IT!!! YOU CAN'T HIDE THE THIRD DIMESION FOREVER!!!Pilla-Head

Brains!!!! Must have brains!!!!anon

"Hey, Daddy was right! All the way over here he was calling you a paranoid old cunt!"A

"HELP! Gramma! Let us out! Dad's not wearin' any- Ackpth!.........."Magus

Let us in Grandma! It wasn't ebola. It was just a cold.Anastasia

I was kidding, Gran. Actually I LOVED your pimp outfit. Please, it's cold.ann onn

Listen, don't tell Billy, but I'll open your childproof bottles for just a FOURTH of the Demerols.soon

"There's been an accident. Can I and my droogs come in and use your phone?"Shem

New Melon-Pruf! (TM) security chains are available in stores everywhere!twomp

I pulled the lost-child-in-the-bus-depot-lavatory routine, grandma! This one's hung like a mule!The Plague

ON THA FLOOR LADY!!! FASHION POLICE. . .THIS IS A RAID!!!Larry Kroeger

S'rpise Grandma!! We didn't want you to be alone on the 'versary of Grandpa's death -- so we're gonna get you tanked on Tequila, an' listen to your gross sex stories. Kay?Vice Pope Doug

"You can't keep us in here forever! Thel will miss us eventually... oh hell, can I have a cookie?"The man with one red shoe

Open this goddamned door and take this fuckin' Watchtower, bitch!!!Joseph Fuckin' Smith

"Aww for fucks sake you retarded old bat! We're your grandkids!"Duncan

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