DFC #306

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Billy and Dolly went into the woods, and there they saw a rock. But it wasn't a rock...it was a ROCK LOBSTER!" Mr. Ben McClellan, as told to by The B-52's

[insert bad Australian accent here] The dingoes got my baby brother!!!Gen. Sedgwick

"Whenever Jeffy got lost, we'd just stay in one place and point the light at the ground. I don't know how he did it, but he found us every time. That pompous little prick never could stay out of a spotlight." Memories of Jeffey, Dolly Keane-Hansenhangtownman

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Dolly in horror, as the pair were pressed to the glass of a cheap scanner. "We're gonna come out all grainy!" Dammit, thought Billy, that's the last time I let her figure out which way is home.Who me?

In the Elder Days, before time began, the Keanedar, or First Melons, walked the darkness of Middle-Earth. From the Quenta CirclarillionBehold Dolly Guldur and the Billyrog

Following the success of When Animals Attack, Fox TV hit even greater paydirt with When Animals Attack Melonheaded Children.Coalcracker

The mad scientist passed by, cackling. His Corduroyizer Gun was a success. Shem

Damn it, ever since Chris Carter started drawing this strip it's nothing but flashlights and wooded areas. Foxxy Mulder

We left him right near here -- on top of an anthill right at the base of a tree...Gen. Sedgwick

I know Daddy is anal when it comes to keepin' our yard clean, but 4:00 AM is a little early to be cleanin' up after Sam and Barfy.Off my lithium

Dolly stared in denial and Billy frowned in disgust as Bil's enema suddenly took an explosive turn.agm

Billy set his phaser to PUREE and Ziggy was reduced to nothing more the a puddle of inkDon

My god! It's full of the conspiculously-missing-from-the-clear-night-sky stars!The Plague

"Dammit, if you'd just *remember* where you buried Jeffy, we might be able to deliver him and trade for the ransom before the air in his coffin runs out."Chuck Bukowski

No wonder the old man down the road told us not to go hunting without a 'coon dog. Look at that thing rip out Barfy's intestines.Anastasia

Shhh! If you want to be in a cartoon without Jeffy, you got to be quiet.Bubba

And for Chrissakes will ya quit whistling the NBC Mystery Movie theme?Gen. Sedgwick (props to T. Servo & Crow)

After 3 months of endlessly watering, weeding, and caring for two sick baby Oak trees, it turned out they were the feet of a buried chicken. HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION--BY DOLLY KEANE The late Winslow Leech

'kay class, lissen up...my man Billy an' I are gonna show you how to bury a corpse the right way.Dan Jones

Shit, here come Kathie Lee's thugs! Keep running, man! If we can make it to the Vietnam border we'll be out of this hell-hole!Dan Jones

"Okay, I'm willing to admit I may have had a less than perfect understanding of this whole sundial concept."ks

Despite the poor lighting, the Syndicate insisted on the addition of the flashlight to this panel, to cover Billy's "unit".Westur the Unspeakable

"Here comes Linus. You get ready to bash him while I act like a pumpkin."M

After they buried Jeffy's body, they snuck back to the campsite. However, the fact that Dolly insisted on wearing Jeffy's I'm a Happy Camper T-Shirt proved to be their downfall.Ratman

"Looks like the sheep is giving Jeffy a bit of a struggle...I'll go help, you just stay here and keep the altar illuminated"MutantDog

Hey, Stanley Kubrick, how's Billy supposed to light the ass-fucking scene when he's in the ass-fucking scene.?Schickelgruber

Trek Babies (1987) Lil' Kirk (Billy Shatner) is turned into two Lil' Kirks..one male, one female. Which one is a killer?Paul "Lil Spock" Reed

Given they've yet to find much more than a pair of feet and skull fragments, the kids suspect there's little point to dad's midnight wild turkey shoots with an AK47 and dum dum bullets.Snarl

In this panel, Dolly proves to a frustrated Billy that she can in fact find her ass with only one hand, and didn't even need to use the flashlight.Podbeing

"Billy just found out what a horny bear does in the woods!"M

My God, it's Jeffy's ear! What, did Dad turn this panel over to David Lynch?Gen. Sedgwick

A piece from Keane's modernist period, reflecting the twilight world of the post WWI era with deeply symbolic use of shade, abstract number symbology, and allegorical figures of envy and surprise.The Fat Man

Mom! Billy's shining his photon beam on the birds again and dissolving them into puddles of goo!nonentity

Hey kids! Collect the new Family Circus Action Figures. Get Poorly Lit Dolly with "I'm telling action" and "Flashlight Commando Billy" with "Badass Scowling" action.nonentity

Kill the light, Mulder. I hear the Swamp Creature approaching...no, nevermind. It's just dad vomiting Schlitz again.Nethicus

It was a classic Catch-22: a blow from the two-cell Maglite wouldn't be fatal unless he hit the right spot. And he couldn't find the right spot without the Maglite. So instead he was reduced to yelling "No, YOU'VE got a huge ass!"Rotter

As Bil hung suspended in mid-air, gasping pitifully for the slightest gasp of lifegiving breath, Dolly knew what she had to do to save the rest of the family. "BILLY'S the one who stole it, Mister Vader Sir! See?", she ratted.furplay

"Wait here until Marmaduke comes for you. The Underground Cartoon Railroad promised us free passage to For Better Or Worse in exchange for Bil's scripts for the next six weeks."helen keller

Daddy, Billy's using a flashlight again sans an in-air cone delimiting the light field!The Plague

Bil was particularly pleased with this work: The symbolism of the darkness of a soul without faith being pierced by the guiding light of heaven. But by the time his readers finished with the shirt slogan jokes and pull-my-finger gags he was ready to kill himself, as usual.Westur the Unspeakable

The success of the movie Men in Black spawned several spinoffs on TV, including Kids in Dorky T-shirts.agm

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