DFC #307

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hell of a time to be water-soluble, huh Dad?De Bosola

See? Gramma was right! God wants us dead.Hippie

Forget it, Bil! You're not getting out of this intervention that easy. Dammit, where's Chopper? He's supposed to be the muscle here!Jimmy Awesome

Gee, this is the best vacation we ever had. How pathetic is that?Yakk

There are FIVE mistakes in this drawing. See if you can find them! Answers - 1. Billy is "reading". 2. Dolly is drinking a "30" 3. Jeffy is not center panel 4. Everyone knows PJ is a golf fan 5. Bil has stubble, yet Thelma has none!Stiles

Oh, yeah, Dad...my trick knee is still out. Gonna rain another two days...wanna play strip Scrabble?Jenn Dolari

OK. We got here twenty minutes ago, we've been stuck in this rain five minutes and Daddy already has 5o'clock shadow. Can anyone else say "Altered States"??munkiman


Hey Billy, I dare you to go out there, hold a knife above your head and yell, 'By the power of Greyskull!'Anastasia

"No, that last Sarin grenade didn't do jack on the deer. Let's break out the VX"Evil Damo Suzuki

"Mommy, they keep sayin' on the radio that the dike failed, but I passed every class!"Westur the Unspeakable

Jeffy frowned. He could feel his mother's tension and see her left hand beginning to clench into a fist. He made a little bet with himself over how many more times Dolly was going to have to say "the rain in spain falls mainly in the plain", before she got her little face smashed in. Westur the Unspeakable

Don't worry Daddy, we got something that the ATF doesn't, and that's heart!Eat Yerself Fitter

""There's nothing you can do in Hawaii that you can't do in Montana",eh Bil? So...do ya think Don Ho is sitting rained in in a fucking pup tent,Bil?"anon

Naw, that wasn't me... Mine are silent...Doc Evil

"C'mon, Dad, cheer up! We may be living in an abandoned culvert now, but if you keep doing caricatures at the mall, we'll be in a shelter in weeks!Down the hall from Dave

"It's fun camping out in a fucking typhoon, isn't it Dad? Especially when there's about A MILLION process servers hanging around back home, huh?"anon

"I love it when it scribbles outside."Scribe

Jeffy ignored Dolly's deluded rambling and stared at her head. Shaped just like a melon...ah, melon...perhaps he should have a slice...yes, that's it, a sweet chunk of fresh melon...Jamey "General Crisis" Powell

"Mr. Rain sure does a good job of cleaning up the blood of the people who were camping in the next lot over!"M

'Ye shall bring two of everything.'? Well, while it was efficient to slay Kitty instead of buying another one, do you think 2 eunuch dogs and 2 pints of Kahlua can redeem a 1-nostrilled, unus-protuberant-boobed, 1-gag clan o' pricks such as we?The late Winslow Leach

You know, I'm used to the smell of beer farts, unchanged diapers, crack smoke, and the occasional putrid waft of air that emanates from broken down alcoholics. I just can't take these damn wet dogs!Schickelgruber

"Okay, so the bad news is that Noah left without us. The good news is that the barbecued unicorn, breast of dodo and cooked dinosaur tasted great!"helen keller

With an extended basso-profundo that brought down the tent and alerted local seismic authorities, Dolly won the belching contest hands down.Vice Pope Doug

"I think that cop let you off pretty easy with just a severe beating. I heard they used to kill looters."Westur the Unspeakable

"Flash floods are cool! Did'ja hear how gran'ma kept screaming as she was swept away?"Westur the Unspeakable

"So you invested it all on cactus futures, huh? Good thinkin'."Westur the Unspeakable

It figures we would pick the one weekend it rains on the Mojave.Dan Jones

Doesn't anybody want to hear my Howie Mandel impression again?Dan Jones

Eviction process really flies by through an alcoholic haze, doesn't it Dad?mjw

Don' worry pappy, the Joadses says there's plenty o' work pickin' fruit in Californy.Big Bill Steinbeck

I know it's raining, but shouldn't someone go after that dingo with the newborn in its mouth?Snarl

Are we lost? I mean besides spiritually.The Plague

Rain, smain. This will give me a chance to catch up on my product label reading.The Plague

Daddy, you're gonna get a ruptured colon. Just go out there and get it over with!The Plague

"So, Church-boy, what does your 'God' person think of my rain-dance now?"Westur the Unspeakable

Well Mommy, do you still think this camping trip was a good place for Daddy's intervention?Off my lithium

Each in their own way tried to keep Bil calm. Thel lied and said she loved him, Billy acted as if he admired his drawing, Dolly kept the bottle at the ready and Jeffy just stayed out of sight, but it was PJ's tight little ass that really did the trick.Off my lithium

Ah, the camping life. "Del the Funky Homosapien" on the tape player, a beer and a couple Hustlers, and of course my beloved economy-size bottle of NyQuil. I don't know what you losers are complaining about.L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

So, we're stuck in Hell with a boring, round cartoon to stare at for all eternity. That Satan really knows his irony, huh?L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

Mommy must have taken it up her ass. Hell is freezing over!Val Man

Hey, Dad, J-E-F-F-Y is looking to G-R-A-B your last B-E-E-R. Better H-I-T him N-O-W, cause this J-A-C-K D-A-N-I-E-L-S is M-I-N-E!garden weasel

...I hope that's the last time we give gramma extra diuretics...R.J.M.

Daddy, would you tell us a story? A story about the drunken, stupid-assed father who locked his keys in the car and he died and his family had to eat his fat ass to stay alive. That's my favorite fuckin' story!Bubba

Why, this is a perfect time for...KARAOKE! Hit it, Barfy!!Dan Jones

Hurry up, Mommy! I want to be the first to ride the inflatable William Hurt doll down the river!The late Winslow Leech

Fuck this. Indoors or out, I'm WILL practice my nunchaks! The late Winslow Leech

These nylon tents really hold in the pee smell, huh Dad?Rotter

So I guess the "Trespassers will be Violated" sign wasn't just a joke after all, huh?Ngoc van Trimble

"But didn't God promise that he wouldn't destroy the world by water a second time, Bil? You're not getting into that 'we all need to go together' thing again, are you, Bil? Bil?"anon

"Daddy, make Billy give me the Hustler. He can't read any of the big words, anyway."anon

You know, that man was right. You do have kind of a "purdy mouth."Ngoc van Trimble

Sorry, Dad. You might think we should eat Barfy to stay alive, but you drew the short straw and he didn't. Deal with it.Down the hall from Dave

Insert your Thel with a strap-on joke here._sandman_

Thanks to all the DFCers making fun of Keanes cartoons, he's now living as a bum in a cardboard box on skid row with his family. Not only that, it's raining! Have a heart guys!Sledge

"All these wonderful trees," thought Barfy, "and we have to leave them just as my scent markers are being washed off. ::Sigh:: It's a dog's life, I tell ya..."Dr. Zam (brain-dead as usual)

"Yeah, I know we're not stranded here...we can get in the car and leave any time. I'm just saying...if, if we were stranded here, I'd eat P.J. first. After the dogs, of course. Think about, it makes sense. He hasn't had the time to develop too much muscle unlike Jeffy and Billy, so there should be a lot of good meat there, plus less hair to shave off...Yep, that what I'd do."-Jester

Hey Bil, the voice of God spoke to me again today. What the fuck is a cubit???K-man

As Dolly lamented the budget cutbacks that restricted the size of the new Biosphere to but one tiny dome, Jeffy pondered the long, lean months ahead and began secretly to covet her can of spray cheese and Billy's soda.marty gray

Boy, Gran'pa sure is taking one huge squirt!anon

Billy sez we're livin on a lamb!Richard Kimble

Jeez, Dad, look at that stubble! Didn't you bring your eraser?Gen. Sedgwick

"Daddy, do we really have to wait up here 'till 'ZOG' and the 'New World Order' touch off the worldwide race war? Can't we just go to Motel 6 instead?"Mike Hunt

Priase be to the Goat of The Woods With a Thousand Young. Oops, sorry, force of habit. I meant "Rain, rain, go away..."Werehamster

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