DFC #308

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Billy always was the fastest learner. As soon as he heard dad coming at a run, he covered his butt up.Dolly loves Yakko

"PJ! That thing's still solid gold and Bil's awake now! Transmute it this instant!"Randall

"Cartoons don't inspire violent behavior; that's just a...PJ! Sit down before I come over there and kick you in the nads!Gearbox's Player

"You fool! I told you that thing had a V-chip!" But it was too late, Newt Gingrich was already through the doorway.Stiles

Don't you dare touch that dial! Captain Marvel and Spiderman are about to do each other!Anastasia

PJ Keane! Don't you know cartoons are the work of the devil? Now turn the Playboy channel back on.Anastasia

I told you Richard Simmon's Sweatin' To The Oldies would get daddy up and running.....malachi constant

Yeah, we gotta wake up at 4 AM, but Lucha Libre is worth it!Jenn Dolari

"Change the channel, PJ! You know how 'cited Daddy gets when he sees even a few seconds of Australian-rules football!"ks

No, it's not Daddy. Spiderman shoots special sticky fluid from his wrists.Gen. Sedgwick

"No more moonwalking, Blob-boy! These are the Nineties! Go download some cyberporn or something!"Dave Matthews

Knobs on a TV? A Beta VCR? Why don't you get the Atari out so we can live fully in this failed alternate-history hell!The Plague

"It started out like any other day. Dolly and PJ fighting over a TV show, the rest of us huddled in a drug-induced stupor. The peacefulness of that domestic scene was suddenly shattered, however, as Bil came flying down the stairs, screaming, The meth rig's on fire! The meth rig's on fire! Instantly, I knew that our lives would never be the same again." -- from Daddy Liked to Cook: Growing up in the Icehouse, by Billy Keane.polaris

Proof that the Keane household was in perspective whenever Bil took off his 2D glassesGen. Sedgwick

"Dammit, PJ, I just finished cleaning up the stains you left on the TV yesterday! What is it about Spiderman, anyway?"M

Sorry, Bil--after that crappy camping trip, we're never turning the TV off again!Coalcracker

Sure, it's safe to assume that Thel's sleeping one off, but hey, all the kids are present, both the dogs are present . . . can you say Chocolate Frosted KittyCrunches?twomp

"My god," thought PJ, "Dolly's really getting into this. But eeuuw! what the heck IS that woman doing with that Coke bottle?"Dr. Zam (there is NO third thing)

See? See! Venom makes the same digusting noises as Daddy after a six pack and a night with Billy! They must be one and the same! Mike Smith

Outta the way of the product placement you asshole! You wanna eat this year?Yakko

Goddamn you, David Lynch movie, make sense! I'm not telling you again!The fed

Oh, this is gross. You can totally tell that ape hasn't even been circumcised!anon

You goddamn moronic little sheep-sucking fuck! If Daddy hears us listenin' to fuckin' swearin' on TV, he'll fucking well kick the living shit out of our asses!!VPD

Turn it down! Last time you woke him up like that, Daddy chained both of us to Grampa's skeleton for a whole day!VPD

"Heyyyyyy...Jeffy's closer to the viewer, and yet you're bigger...you been into my steroids again, haven't you, you little bastard?" anondog

Porno and a sticky TV? That can only mean one thing. Mom is on the rag againrob and tom

Now remember, the first one to actually see Daddy's morning wood wins the game!rob

You fool, PJ! You said Dad was dead! How many times have I told you, the heart is on their left side, not your left.Mr. ?

"No, no, Goldfinger isn't on Showtime right now, I said 'Pull my finger!'"Who me?

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