DFC #309

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"McArthur park is melting in the daaaaaaark.." As Dolly continued to sing the loathsome tune one complete time for each year of her life, becoming increasingly impassioned with each go-round, Jeffy and Thel had Tibetan Mind Sex right in front of her. It was dangerous, they thought. Hot, animal and dangerous. Outside, it continued to rain.spook

THERE....ARE.....FOUR.....PLATES!Marlboro (Remember Piccard's big scene?)

"As traumatic as it was to see Jeffy blow out the candles on my sixth year Birthday Cake, it was nothing compared to the blow of my 16th Birthday party, when he stole my date." -Dolly Keane, Jeffy Dearest-Jester

Can't you get anything right? How am I supposed to blow out incense sticks?Joe Z

Dammit, Jeffy! when I said I wanted " Cake " over for my birthday, I meant th' friggin' *BAND!!!*Doc Evil

Okay, very funny--but I'm not gonna take the tampons off!rachel

Jeffy watched in amazement as Dolly unhinged her jaw to take a massive bite of cake. "That's why she gets the big bucks at frat parties..."hangtownman

Jeffy had given up blowing out candles with his mind long ago, but mentally forming the smoke into an image of mom - now that was a challenge.Yakko

Only four plates, thought Thel. If I want cake, one of them must die.Gen. Sedgwick

I can too eat something bigger than my head. I just loosen the ponytail a little.Horselover Fat

Because it gives me forearms like this. That's why I wanted spinach cake.Gen. Sedgwick

Dammit, I had plans for that hot wax!Gen. Sedgwick

"Ha ha! It's MY birthday and NOT YOURS!" Jeffy simply endured Dolly's taunts. His pocket knife would taste her blood soon enough. He just had to wait for the right time.Magus

Dammit! Six days of Bil being missing, and all we get is this crappy cake? I want my share of the the insurance check, and I want it now!Coalcracker

Dammit...why couldn't you get Zena to pop outta the cake?! It was all I asked for!!Mr. Ben McClellan

You blew out my candles! You better not get the butch lesbian I wished for!Hippie

Hey! I made my wish -- what's the nose-picker still doing here?BenG

The fourth plate is in memory of Gertrude Stein; you got a problem with that, you homophobic pansy!The Plague

As another innocent birthday party escalates into a heated argument, Thel dreams of the days before Bil, before the melonheaded children, back when she was just another deadhead, blowing Jerry Garcia on a badly painted bus in San Francisco... Tillman

Listen, you little prick. If I don't get my birthday wish, YOU'RE gonna be my pony.Hubba

"He didn't have to wear a dress when he killed his sixth sinner!"Luther Blissett

Unable to move itself out of harm's way the cake's "spidey sense" didn't do a bit of good.anon

When I wished for a blow job, this was not what I had in mind!Riff

Thel looked on in despair. Every time Dolly shouted, "Must... control... Fist... of... DEATH!" somebody reached the lifetime maximum on their medical insurance.ewhac

"After writing both children's names on oppisite sides of the cake, I'd just stand back and watch them beat each other to a bloody pulp. Then I ate the cake" Thelma Keane, -My Stuggle with Violence and Buliema-the skyclad answer

The dress was a gift, you fucker! If you don't quit humming the theme from "Little House on the Prairie" I'm going to shove this cake so far up your ass you'll be sneezing frosting for weeks!L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

"It's just not enough to be in the frame, is it, you prima-donna turd? Relight them before I give you a four knuckle high-colonic."twomp

" Excuse me? What was that about dog years?"Shem (4 in dog years)

Corpse # 1. Boy child, white (though hair indicates a negroid surrogate), cause of death: lungs full of frosting. #2: Girl child, white, cause of death: dish shards in eye sockets. Suspect: Cy-boob mother. She blames 'Elton-humming ghost named 'DIE.'The late Winslow Leach

"Ha! If you ever got even the briefest glimpse of what I just wished for, you'd both of you put your eyes out."ks

"Well! It looks like Mr. 'I-Don't-Like-To-Blow' changes his tune when Daddy's not around!"ks

Jeffy, there better not be dogshit buried in here like last year.Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

Dysfunctional Four #13. "Clobberin' Time!" Plaid Thing goes mad after Flamin' Jeffy steals the fire from her birthday candles. Can Thelma Fantastic stop the brawl? And where is the Invisible Bil?Paul "Yancy Streeter" Reed

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