DFC #31

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

You make one more "fishing for compliments" joke, and I swear to God I'll smash your freakin' brains in!Tuktoyuktuk Head

These captions are nothing! Wait until the clueless, lame-ass, 70's worshippin', "what's-your-favorite-Brady?", thirty something yuppie assholes find out about us! zazu

Gil-Galand was an elven king, of him the harpers sadly sing...-!!! What on Arda?! Where am I?! Who are you?! Where's Frodo?! Wait a minute, I sense something is even MORE wrong than what I have noticed so far...Elrond

As Dolly continued to bitch about everything under the sun, he regretted that one drunken night in Tijuana with her real mom: a pudgy, melon-headed stewardess.Dark Roger

Dammit, Dad! It really bothers me when you stare longingly at me like that--KNOCK IT OFF!!!Lord G

That's what you wore? A grimy white t-shirt, highwater warmup pants, and moccasins? No wonder you didn't get the goddamn job!Craig

Yes, you dirty son of a bitch, I'm well aware what kind of money I could make with an ass like this. Could we just get back to fishing, please?Craig

Do you see now why this Alaskan fishing expedition was so cheap? Jesus, there's still oil slicks here near the shore!Craig

A few simple lessons, and you could eliminate all those dumb jokes about my head. But do you care? Nooooo.. you'd rather skip class and go fishing. Craig

I know the milkman is my real daddy because he's the only other person I've ever seen besides me that has a watermelon for a head.Hugh Jass

I wish I was in a well-drawn cartoon, like "Dilbert".anon

Get the 357 out of your tackle box. It's another one of those goddamn DFC captions, and I'm gonna put a stop to it right now!Zooboy

And if Mr. Whipple ever touches me like that again, it's gonna be POW! right in the cojones.Zooboy

...and to top it off, you'll probably turn this into one of your fucking smarmy cartoons. You bet I'm pissed!Stephen Granade

Dad, quit trying to see down my shirt. Phooeycault

Do you ever feel like you have been sitting in the same spot, saying stupid things about my head, my arms, sex, and so on?? Oh, maybe its just me!

Dad, is this your generation's concept of going out for a filet o' fish?the Z

Dad! I told you already, not until the bleeding stops!Binky

Eat it raw, you said. It'll taste like sushi, you said.Teo

If I hear one more joke from you about how good a 'master baiter' I am, you'll be tellin' that joke to the fishies!!the brian

It's called "feminine itch," you jerk, not "in the mood!"anon

'No Fishin' my ass! You and the other patriots are right, Daddy. Fuck the US Forest Service!Bob Schmalfeldt

Why am I upset? Maybe it's the fact I haven't aged a day since Ike was President, you pinhead!!anon

Sounds like the Fish and Game warden ran into our Claymore mine, due south.Trism

Damn, the buzz is going already. Hand me the can of paint thinner again, wouldja, Dad?Trism

I wish we'd gone hunting instead. Fish can't scream!Andy Ihnatko

...and so one thing led to another, and now I've got genital herpes! Damn you, Charlie Brown! DAMN YOU!!!Kurt L.

Okay Daddy, one more fish, but then you promise to take your feet off Mommy's back, right?bq Mackintosh

Putting Gummyworms on top was a dirty trick!EZ Marc

Other cartoonists don't have to spend all day fishing for original ideas!Tom Jenkins

You know, if you weren't such a drunk and could hold down a job, we wouldn't have to fish.anon

Look. You either start drawing me with breasts, or I'm telling Mom what really happens at these father/daughter weekends.Rishmawy

I don't get it, they say that fish is "brain food", but it seems that your cartoons just keep getting stupider.Rishmawy

Look, if you ask me for my Bud Light one more time, I swear I'm gonna cram the bottle up your fat ass sideways.NCB

Keep talking there, old man. Hoffa ain't gonna be the only one they never find.NCB

Can't you hear it? It's that damn banjo music again!zazu

If you don't stop whistling the "Andy Griffith" theme, I'm gonna wrap this pole around your neck!zazu

"Blew the food stamps on beer, so now we gotta eat fish till May, huh?"Mr. Clean

Whew, daddy! It smells like fish and we haven't even caught any yet!Yorgo

"Why dontcha do a desk calendar or something, so we can get back into the trailer park?"Mr. Clean

That's right, Daddy. I'm a bull dyke. And I'm a mean bull dyke.Steuben

No, should I enjoy impaling live worms in order to sit five hours on wet grass hoping to catch some slimy parasite-ridden minnow?Horselover Fat

I still think it would be much easier to let me catch fish with my mind powers! I mean, you gave me a head the size of a buick, there are some benifits with having a two ton brain!!

I'd leave RIGHT NOW if you hadn't buried my feet in this clay bog.The Sandman

NEXT time we go fishing, let's sit farther away from the Javelin range, ok?Patrik

You've been giving me that line for months, and I'm sick of waiting. Either you divorce her and marry me now, or it's over between us.Blake

"@*$%& fishing - what a waste of my &@(#$ time! Oops - sorry Daddy, I forgot you were sitting there."BK

"I'm still pissed that you kept calling me 'Cathy' in last Sunday's strip."p@

I don't know why the flies are buzzing around my ass. Let's just fish, alright?Roy

Let me put it to you this way, Bil. People get more enjoyment from a group of CPAs.anon

Every day, same fuckin' thing, day in, day out. Jokes about how big my head is. How it's shaped. The fact that my face doesn't close. The fact my arms are too short to touch the top of my head. The fact that I'm one goddamn foot tall some days. Christ I wish you hadn't dropped so much acid before your art classes.Pete B.

Okay, that's it! The next time you catch the hook in the back of my head, your fucking line is going in the lake, your fucking beer is going in the lake, and YOU'RE going in the FUCKING lake!Pastor of Muppets

Damnit, Billy! The fish put up a bigger fight than you!Pastor of Muppets

If you think this one magical experience is going to make up for umpteen years of shitty parenting, you've got another thing coming, four-eyes.anon

You don't think we're gonna actually catch anything, do you? It's a fuckin' septic tank, for crying out loud!Craig

By God, you'd better be right about this being a "Super Lucky Spot", because those ants are really starting to hurt.Craig

When I said I needed something interesting for "Show-and-Tell" I didn't expect to be getting it from an EPA Superfund site!anon

Of course I'm angry! Why shouldn't I be? I mean, just look at this background! No clouds, no trees, no bushes, I could go on and on. Jesus Bil, I know you're lazy, but this is going too far!weasel

What's pissing me off is that you have bigger breasts than I do!Bill Hunter

"Quality time," my fucking ass. Where were you planning on dumping me once you passed on all your "hobo skills," huh? Bastard.anon

Suzie's daddy has a Ranger bass boat with a 120 HP Mercury outboard and some of the best spinner lures made... My daddy? He brings me out to the sewage treatment plant to fish with pieces of hot dog.Phil McGroin

DEE OH DOR ANT! DEE OH DOR -- Oh, never mind. I'll buy some for ya.Starvin' Marvin

"All right Dad, so quit your whining, turn mom in and cut a deal with the DA."Mitch Mattek

"Now wait a minute...you said that only mommies can have kids. So if we have two daddies, where did we come from?"Felix W.

I would not *BE* so cranky if you had picked up a box of laxatives like I asked.Boschcat of the Apocalypse

...yeah, and if I hadn't been a cartoon character, this bullethole between my eyes would have killed me!Vy Rothko

Daddy! This is SO dumb, I could just- Oh no! It's the DFC camera again! Run!Magus

If you say I'm too young for PMS one more time, this pole goes up your ass!VPD

Do we have to stay here all day until we find Grandma's dentures?Cosmo

Flail around some more, Billy! The sharks won't come if you just float there.DMW

**Insert Farting Daddy Caption Here**Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar

Fishessises! Must find the fishessissis! We wants them, yesss!anon

What do you mean, "phallic symbol?"Daniel Krause

Of course I'm cranky. I'm stuck here with you, aren't I, lardass?Meli O'Girl

So what's the point of this if you didn't bring enough beer for both of us?Kyosuke

Well, Mommy _wouldn't_ be tangling up our lines if you'd mixed the cement right!Tom Jenkins

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!! I do not have the 'not so fresh feeling'!!!!!

Look down my shirt one more time and you'll be sleeping with these fishes, Bastard!!

I've been here for six hours and nothing happened. Isn't there supposed to be some kind of entertainment to most sports?!

Stupid Calvin. Today he threw a slush ball at my head, then started laughing about how it's easier to miss the broadside of a barn!!

I don't see why the fish are even interested in the worms. I've had three and they're HORRIBLE.MrNeutron

Hey, you saw what happened. Billy just pushed me too far. So he became fish bait like all the rest.J-rad

...and what's with my head, huh? Who's ever heard of a two-foot tall 5-year old with a head the size of a melon? No one, that's who!J-rad

Back to the DFC Archive index