DFC #310

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"It's Dad. One of us is gonna have to wear the Vietnamese prostitute outfit."MonkeyHead

"All I hear is heavy breathing--he's staring at my ass, isn't he?"Larry Hastings

Ten Hut!! The Generalissimo wants us to invade Dolly .....again!!!!!!!Byll Keen

"Says he's lost. Wandered too far from the couch."Marky D. Sodd

He says if we don't stop he's gonna do the same thing to your other earlobe.Gen. Sedgwick

Order Bucket o' Soldiers now, and as a special bonus we'll send you the John Travolta action figure (shown foreground) absolutely free!Gen. Sedgwick

I can't maintain this façade anymore, Billy... I just miss paisley too much.Dan Jones

You know the end is near when you hear ABBA coming from behind enemy lines...Dan Jones

"Cheapskate's calling collect again. Will you accept the charges?"Heath

Oh Gawd! O'l Booze and Bugger thinks he's Blood and Guts again.Joe Z

I didn't copy his last transmission--it was either "Saddam" or "Sodomy," but either way, I think we'd better get our asses out of here.marty gray

'Something about "Tailhook", and how the feminist establishment ruined his military career. I think that means we're allowed to kill Dolly now.Darth Vader, Lord of The Dance

Cheap Raido Shack crap. We'll never overthrow the government with this equipment. Mr. ?

Uh, dad. That stuff you ordered from the Russian Army surplus catalog. Were the words "actual size" printed next to the pictures?Mr. ?

"Ya know sumpthin'? War maybe hell, but talkin' a PMS ridden Thel into dropping the gun and getting out of the kitchen every friggin' 28 days isn't exactly a walk in the park.."Tillman

He said he won't deal with terrorists. Go cut mom's head off.tony"kill me" brock

"This is kinda fun, I guess, but does he always have to order all our birthday presents out of Soldier of Fortune?"Who me?

The U.N. inspector wants to play 'Bury the missle' again.Chris

"It's another 'Nam story, with the tiger cage and the distant gazes again. You want to listen for awhile?"Who me?

"He wants to know what's wrong with the 'Happy Camper' t-shirts he bought us."Who me?

"What a sick little fantasy. Now if we want our allowances this week, I hafta play dead while you poke my limp body with your rifle."Who me?

"I dunno. Who ever heard of a Commander-in-Chief who couldn't get laid whenever he wanted?"Who me?

Shit! It's Max Jerome!Doc Evil

"He says to untie Kittycat and put the apple back in the kitchen."Who me?

Uh-oh, 'Private Parts'... 'Major Woody' is headed our way!Doc Evil

"He says we can have tanks and jeeps and soldiers an' stuff, but no Serb rape camp."Who me?

"It's God calling. He says to slaughter the infidels. What's an infidel?"Who me?

"Johnny Reb has broken our code. For the sake of the Republic, shoot him now!"Who me?

"Make it quick. We gotta be in the sewers under Dealey Plaza in three hours."Who me?

His Supreme Whiteness reports that this is only a drill; had Mexicans REALLY been moving in next door, we were to await further instructions. Stand down, soldier.Bob Burler

"The Commander-in-Chief says to get your ass to the garage and take out the trash!"Big ol' Bob

I didn't ask, but he's tellin'.anon

He says he wants to go out like "a soldier, standing up, not like some rag-ass renegade".The Plague

Dad says it's your turn to report to headquarters to buff the ol' cruise missile.dsa

"Say, if Dad was a draft dodger, how the hell can he have flashbacks?"Evil Damo Suzuki

"Change of plans. Bil says the client wants us in the Star Trek outfits instead."Shem

He says he is holding my "Good on you mate" shirt hostage. It looks like we'll have to take him by force.Terminus

"Bad day, I guess. He wants to know how much to do Mom."Who me?

"There's blood on the dog's mouth. It's time for the Lilliputians to go home."Who me?

I don't understand it either, but Bil says if we get involved in a war, no one will notice what he did to the dog.anon

"Oh my god, even dad just submitted a 'Don't ask don't tell' caption."anon

"Yes, I AM tight rolling my fatigues. You got a problem with that soldier boy?"anon

If this doesn't give him a 'Nam flashback, I don't know what willRocinante

"What does 'No more Geneva Convention, you little shits' mean?ks

Its some guy wondering if we want to try Sprint long distance...Mark

General McBoner orders us to blow the hell out of him.DainBread

Gawd, I love the smell of old drunken hack cartoonist in the morning.xian, the boy with the monkey heart

Uhh, Billy? I've been snooping in on Dad's cell phone, and I think I ought to warn you that Uncle Roy found out who mixed Icy-hot with his Vaseline. And Uncle Roy isn't gonna fall for that "Not Me" bullshit, either.xian, the boy with the monkey heart

"He said, 'If he can't already put a pellet up a squirrel's butt at fifty paces, then he's no son of mine.'"Who me?

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