DFC #311

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

At the precocious age of nine, John Tesh was already performing for neighborhood children.Larry Hastings

Hot damn, I'm gonna whup that pansy Schroeder's ass at th' recital tomorrow!Doc Evil

Only the most nimble virtuosos could duplicate Billy's "gluteussando". Gen. Sedgwick

Billy performs one of John Cage's little known pieces: b.uN2 For Prepared Piano and a Puffy Little Ass.Eat Yerself Fitter

"I prefer to be called |~\/-- , the Artist Formerly Known As Billy."hangtownman

Scene from the new Daniel Day Lewis movie: "My Left Buttcheek"anon

Even Hieronymus Bosch would think that this is pushing beyond the boundary of what can be defined as 'art'.Karne-age

"If Bil can't bother to remove that musical condom he used, then, by gum, we're gonna have a duet!"Stealth

It turned out to be a memorable, but lewd, Gong Show after Billy turned around and played Beethoven's 2nd with his penis.jedi mind trip

What d'ya know? These ivories tickle back!Ratman

Billy again suffering from his hearing loss, thinks Bil said he wanted to see Billy as a pianist.Ratman

WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! This really IS "The Entertainer"!R.J.M.

I'm learning to play by rear. Get it "by rear." You know, instead of "by ear." Geez, what's wrong with you people.Robert

Now if I sit here two beats that's a half-assed note, and if I sit here four beats it's an asshole note.R.J.M.

Soon thereafter Billy learned that "movement" and "stool" had other, musical meanings.Gen. Sedgwick

Having heard that Bil occasionally liked "tinkling on the ivories", Billy decides to go him one better.Gen. Sedgwick

Who says the piano isn't a wind instrument?Kill. Kill. Kill.

I'm hot tonight! Watch out Victor Borge, yer days are numbered! Hoo-Haaa!!!Doc Evil

You can photocopy it. You can fax it. You can scan it and use Kai's Power Tools on it. You can even play a piano with it!Werehamster

Billy found this instrument far more suited to his musical style then that whole ugly incident with the saxaphone.The Ghost of Roy Cohn

"Yeah, but nothing scratches that special itch like a black key..."Heath

They were all disappointed, and had hoped it would have been an oboe.Heath

Just when you thought "Candle In The Wind" couldn't get more tasteless . . . pony

"They've got Elvis impersonators, Madonna impersonators -- why not a David Helfgott impersonator?"Shem

This'll teach Bil to draw something expensive!Namgubed the Merry Elf

An early photo of young Liberace receiving his first orgasm!Kevy

"Thanks to Thel's new `Deep Fried Everything!' diet, my ass now spans a complete octave!"the infamous tms

But before his successful 1989 rehab, Elton John's friends knew better than to ask him to perform at a funeral service.Rotter

Trying to appeal to "today's youngsters," Bil Keane draws Billy imitating "that Jerry Lee Lewis fella."M

"...that was Butthoven's Moonlight Sonata...thank you very much, you've been a wonderful audience, I'm here all week"Dog-Matic 2000

While Billy distracted his siblings with his rendition of "Johnny Be Good," PJ picked their pockets.M

Oh great. Another cartoon panel about a young boy being viciously sodomized by a piano. When will the madness end?Podbeing

Seconds later, Billy had to be rushed to the hospital with a seriously lacerated ass after sitting on a sharp note.Shem

o/` I shake my ass just to stem off the pain/ This kinda' itchin' drives a kid insane./ My deirrier - it starts to flare!/ Goodness, gracious, hemmoroids afire! o/`Riff

Inna Gada Da Vida Babeeee!!Tracy

For once in my life I agree with Jesse Helms: my tax dollars were wasted on this NEA grant.Bubba

Billy entertains with his favorite Yanni tunes.Hippie

Fuck this, Dolly," muttered Jeffy. "Let's go watch Mom purge her lunch in the bathroom." xian, the boy with the monkey heart

This one's called "Preperation in the Key of H."Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

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