DFC #314

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Books?" thought Billy, "whadda I wants widda eddumacashkin?"Namgubed the Merry Elf

But...but...but I made my famous High Density Waffles for breakfast!Jenn Dolari

"Cliiiiiiiiimb ev'ry mounnnnntainnnnnnnn...."Randall

..and here's to you Mrs. Robinson...Dain Bread

TO: Judge William Keane. FROM: Specialty Escorts. Melinda, dressed as "Justice" (8hr session): $3500. Optional videos (8mm): $200. Costume kept by customer (blindfold and panties): $50. TOTAL: $3750.Galahad

Yup, Billy thought. Monopoly is a HELLUVA lot more fun when you use real money...Doc Evil

This is one of many panels Southern Baptists point to in their boycott of Cowles. The shining tip of a penis can be clearly seen extending from behind the house. The lines on the bottom of Billy's shoes spell out the word "SEX." And, if you turn up the volume, you can distinctly hear Thel say "Good melonheads, take off your clothes."alanon, slayer of wicked mice

Billy, your books! And mind you, those counterfeit Nolan Ryan rookie cards go for $50 each!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Damn," thought Billy, "looks like she noticed the brick was a few grams short"Dog-Matic 2000

Pine trees the size of small shrubs, fences that tower calf high to an adult, and boys who arbitrarily walk on air.....yes, this was a disturbing world indeed.Alphax the Dimensional Rapist

"William Regan Keane! Get back here and mop up all this urine right now!"M

"Wait, honey, come back! We're on Springer!"Heath

Sometimes, even Billy was repulsed by what he'd do to expand his collection of Pearl Jam bootlegs.Rotter

He was, indeed, his father's son. The pathetic act of staying up all night downloading gigabytes of porn from the 'net coupled with the ignorance of the inevitable damage Jaz cartridges suffer when exposed to sunlight.Rotter

From Bil Keane's Illustrated Bible: Billy leaves Sodom but makes the mistake of looking back.Whups!

The literal-minded Billy takes his dad the three bricks he needed for a full load.Gen. Sedgwick

Billy knew that his demo tape "Down and Funky Butt Piano" would land him in the big times!Yakko

"Those recordings of a cow should fetch a handsome price. But whatever you do, don't trade them for recordings of magic beans like you did last time!"ks

"Oy! A son who brings tapes to school because he can't read... A husband who can't draw... This huge makeshift mezuzzah... For this I left the shtetl?"superglue stan

Billy, committed to carrying the latest releases from the whole Wu-Tang posse, won't be carrying his books to school this month.pony

Billy - you forgot your condoms!Riff

Thel, so lost in a drug haze that she doesn't realize it's evening, tries to make Billy take his school books to the poker game.Xenomorph

"Humor her," he thought. "Take the damn Watchtowers, dump 'em when she's gone, then go sell Magic The Gathering cards to the geeks. Simple!"Paul "Benalish Hero" Reed

The evil Billynaut would not be able to fence the stolen tapes today, for behind the hedge lurked -- Spider-Man!L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

You know, if you walk in holding three kilos and no books, even those fools on school patrol will suspect something.Gen. Sedgwick

How many times to I have to tell you: if you're going to throw bricks at Pro-Choicers, back it up with the correct verses from scripture!Eat Yerslef Fitter

God ducked back into the bushes. Soon the boy would be gone ... and the woman would be His.Shem

YOU FORGOT YOUR BOOKS!!! I swear to God kid, sometimes you have your head screwed on backwards.ChoppingBlock

Panel from Bil's Satanistic period - note the clouds looming on the horizon, the picture of Galgaroth the Destroyer in Billy's hand, the inverted Mickey Mouse shadow under his foot ... and his fuckin' melonhead turned completely backwards!!!Heckler

"Billy! Come back! What about the trip to the Bahamas? What about everything we talked about last night? I gave myself to you, Billy! I gave myself!!"M

When Billy donned his rhinestone-studded belt he was unstoppable. He could have anything, and usually did. Women threw themselves, and their money, at him, often offering to sell the family pet or a spare child to get him more.M

Unfortunately, Thel's warning came to late, and the sun -- which had been waiting behind the garage for three days -- leapt out and devoured Billy's retinas.Jizmo the Wonder Horse

Yet another victim of the dangerous allure of hard-core gangster rap and pressed butterfly-collar shirts.Downladen Swallow

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