DFC #315

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Jeffy and his father watched in semi-awe as Sharon, Lord of the stream Sticks, paddled up to ferry them to heck.Magus

So this is where we lay down our burdens!Namgubed the Merry Elf

Man, they're really stickin' it to Ned Beatty over there!Doc Evil


I can't believe Mom did it. She just jumped into the car with Louise, robbed a liquor store, and drove into the Grand Canyon!!!not for the faint of heart.

* HOOCCCH * Ptui! Every lil' bit helps...Doc Evil

Let me clarify it for you. When I said we needed some beaver shots for our website...Gen. Sedgwick

Ahhh.. finally, the time when the rivers run red with the blood of the nonbelievers. Mr. ?

"I don't think that's the problem, Dad. The cinderblock is big enough, and it's tied on securely. We just need to take ol' Barfy to some deeper water."Galahad

I love moonless, sunless, starless, cloudless skys, don't you?Mr. ?

"Will you quit humming Down By the River? You're starting to weird me out!"hangtownman

Uh, Bil? You can stop singing "Born Free" now. I really don't think that Kittycat is a fresh-water animal after all.bobo

"I had a girlfriend once. I loved her. And I killed her."M

Beats me... Where the fuck is Waldo?Brad Popsiclestick

"Man, I'm tired. We've been hiking so long I don't leave dotted lines anymore."Heath

...as they watched the bear dismember Dolly, Bil realized this really was a "Kodiak Moment"R.J.M.

"Here is river. Now white man throw little soul-stealing box in river. Then my people release the one you call Thelma."ks

"Nature. The great outdoors. Where one is free to dress in women's clothes. Right, Dad?"pony

I can't believe you forgot to bring money for Charon. We'll never get out of here now.Anastasia

Wow, I didn't think Mark Trail *could* bend over.Trism

That reminds me. Did you pass that stone yet?Werehamster

I'm sorry I lost your favorite butt-plug down the toilet, but do you really think we'll find it here in the sewage dump?Walrus

Hoping to capitolize on another five year old fad, Bil attempts his first Magic Eye drawing.John Boy

"Great. Bil takes an art class, and it has to be from Bob Ross. 'Happy little mountains.' Gimme a fuckin' break!"Joe

Bil smiled wanly. Jeffy resisted the idea, but hadn't counted on the double whammy of a Super Big Gulp and half an hour listening to the running, coursing, dribbling waterfall. Try as Jeffy might to cross his legs and moan, he could only hold out so long. He WOULD get his "golden shower" "male interest" shot in due time.earwig

"Yep, this has to be it! The famous Shit Creek! And sure enough, us without a paddle!"anon

Whoa! Lookit all the dead bodies!!! We gotta come to Gary, Indiana more often.Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

So this is where Coors comes from, huh? Well, it's about to return there.L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

Looks like God just had himself an orgasm!Riff

Man! Who'd've thought PJ could cling that hard to a rock? Want me to poke him with the stick again, Dad?Riff

"Well, it doesn't look like Dolly could walk on lava either. Wish me luck, Dad!"Shifter

I guess I could scream for hours without anyone hearing.... Why do you ask?Bubba

It was at this time that Jeffy stopped noticing the rapids to point out how similar Bil's heavy, strap-equipped camera was to a flail. Bil found this mildly ironic.Jamey "General Crisis" Powell

After Bil's breasts finish developing, he'll be able to graduate to a real purse.Bev

Nice work, Pops. Couldn't you have bought land upstream from the papermill?Gen. Sedgwick

eleven... twelve... I only see 12. Where are the other three "NINA"'s?Gen. Sedgwick (props to Al Hirschfeld)

"Dolly says she wants to swim here. Can you draw piranha?"Heath

"Now remember, Daddy, Mark Trail slipped on the rocks and drowned, got it? Slipped on the rocks. Same as Ranger Rick....Funny how these nature boys can afford such expensive cameras."Dave Matthews

"Oh shit! I forgot to untie Uncle Roy before we left on vacation!"Stealth

"Fuckin' sinkhole swallowed the whole house! Lucky you grabbed mom's purse before she got sucked down. Any smokes in there?"Westur the Unspeakable

...and now she's being swept headfirst right into that big...OWCCHH! Look, if you're not gonna dive in and save her, you should at least be getting some pictures of this!Rotter

Are we going to tell Dolly and Billy they're frolicking in the runoff from a pork-processing plant?Rotter

All this detail is freaking me out, Dad. Ya got any whiteout so I can simplify things a bit?Stefan Jones

So this is where all the ink went, huh? We drank clear liquids and ate off a pure white table for two years so you could draw some swampland? Wonderful.phil

The house! Where's our house?! Dammit Dad, I told you Jeffy would mistake the C-4 for Play Do!Emmet.Otter

You owe me $5, purse boy! PJ did go down the third time! Meli O'Girl

Back to the DFC Archive index