DFC #318

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

And God spoke to Jeffy and Dolly: "Why do you clothe yourselves, when the backyard of Eden gives all that you need?"Magus

I know they're out there, Jeffy. Sometimes, at night, I swear I can hear their "pull my finger" and "gaspetti" jokes, and sometimes I want to leave this freak-world to join them. But would they accept me? Would they?toade

Dolly blathered heedlessly on, but Jeffy could feel the eyes of Fred and Barney upon them.Namgubed the Merry Elf

When Dolly said, "The sap is rising," Jeffy was perplexed -- was it noon already, or had his father actually faced a morning?Gen. Sedgwick

"I'm hoping a branch will fall on your head so I can use that 'wood on you mate' line I've been saving for months."hangtownman

Hey Jeffy, I'm Jesus! Hoo-Haaaaaa!!! Thank God for the manic in 'Manic-depressive! Yow!Doc Evil

Whee! Just look at glass fly! I haven't seen a good meth lab explosion in ages!anon

" ... and let anyone who objects to this boy and this tree being wedded in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold their peace."anon

Any moment now the bird droppings would fall right into Dolly's open mouth. This, Jeffy thought, is worth waiting for.The Mad Whacker

Rick! You've got to help me, Rick!Namgubed the Merry Elf--

Conformists without a cause....Yakko

I've heard of lawn gnomes, but lawn mutants?Magus

Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree! It's been 30 long years, why can't Bil draw me? If I don't see that ribbon on the old oak tree, I'm gonna get on the bus, forget about us, eat some gaspetti! --from the musical "Melonheads"Coalcracker

"Frankly, Mulder, I'm finding this unexplained reverse aging so exhilarating that I'm not tempted to scientifically analyze it."Galahad

"Christ," thought Jeffy, "I can't fucking stand to be around her after she goes to see 'Titanic'"hangtownman

Ahh, I just love it when the trees don't change color in the fall.Microman

I can hit that squirrel in 5 shots or less.Anastasia

As Dolly jabbered about their grandfather in heaven, Jeffy was focused on a more unusual subject. Wasn't that tree 3 feet farther away just a few seconds ago?Magus

Surprised the the 'Lil Hypnotist Kit really worked, Jeffy ponders what do to with Slavegirl Dolly. The possibilities seem endless. . .Chung Phi Say

Rebuffed by her family members, Dolly eventually began pulling her own finger.ks

"God must have a really big waterin' can for all these trees....I hope we have pasghetti and meat bulbs for lunch....Granddad called me from Heaven on my toy phone, and I..." (As Dolly rattled on and on, a thought suddenly hit Jeffy. This is it, he realized. This is how it'll be for the rest of my life. I'll always be a shrimpy little kid trapped with his shrimpy little siblings and his clueless parents in this barely-drawn, sickly-sweet circle in a jillion papers around the world. This is how it'll be, and I can't change a damn thing about it. That evening, Jeffy would begin the booze-and-coke binge to end all booze-and-coke binges.)Dave Matthews

...an' I told him Grampa Keane was coloring leaves up in heaven an' droppin' 'em just for us, an' he cried and cried! It was so fucking hilarious!!!Gen. Sedgwick

While Dolly jabbered on endlessly, Jeffy realized he could see the knot in the tree through her ear.Don Giovanni

"Well, Pippin! Now that the Ents have control of Orthanc, let's go see what's become of Thelruman and her vile servant, Bil-Tongue."twomp

"...So, then I said, you might as well take the whole goddamn bottle, Thel...Bil wants ME 'cuz I don't have stretchmarks running from my saggy-ass tits all the way down to my vericose-veined calves...sweet leaf

Wait a minute. If we're seeing the exact same acid-trip fish, we must have a psychic bond!Werehamster

"C'mon down, Dad. We won't goose you again."anon

Look, Jef', in the hole in that ol' tree! It's an ol' watch, and a shiny new pocketknife, and soap carvings of us! And yours is anatomically correct!thx-1137

Sometimes I like to stand under this tree and think. I think about lots of things...Daddy with a fork in his eye, PJ in the microwave, Billy under a speeding car. Would you like to know what I'm thinking right now, Jeffy?...Jeffy?Timbo

"Sam doesn't kick as much as Barfy does. Go get Kittykat while I rig another noose."Stealth

Now just rock your head side to side and sing "Issssssn't sheeee lovely.....isssssssn't sheeee beautiful..."BadOne

"Hmmm," he thought, "A musical number. She got six figures for that, easy. I need a new agent."phil

"My brother here says that he can't see you... What's that? Only I can see you?... Really?... Are you sure that murdering him is the only way?..."El Kabong

Ah, Spring; and a young woman's thoughts turn to killing Evan Dando... The late Winslow Leach

Yeah, for some odd reason, I often feel like I'm in that 'Far Side' cartoon with the two bears and the hunting scope too...Doc Evil

What a GLORIOUS day!!! The beauty of Nature just makes me feel so close to God and all His wonders!!! My spirit soars like a dove, and nothing can diminish the rapturous ecstasy I feel!! Not even you, Jeffy, you son-of-a-whore, crack baby, melon-headed, little fuckstick.G. Manley Hopkins

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