DFC #327

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Airbags? In this family he's in more danger from windbags, douchebags, nickel bags, and scumbags!Gen. Sedgwick

No, no, I didn't say PJ wanted shotgun, I said he wanted to shotgun!Gen. Sedgwick

"Hey, anybody looking for slave labor?!"JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy

"The pilot episode for Bil's tv thriller The Family Circus Zone involved a hitch-hiking youth and a baby who drove using telekinesis. It was not picked up by the networks." My Father's Legacy of Shame and Failure by Father Patick J. Keanehangtownman

Baby Goodwrench says we need a tune-up...and fast!Mr. Ben McClellan

From the look on his face I say PJ KNOWS that a passenger side air-bag means instant death.Yakko

Jeez, Mom! How many times do I have to tell you? The exhaust fumes do no good unless you lock the door! Ultra-Girl

Jeffy shouts in excitement after discovering the missing link between man and ape.JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy

Soooo... Is this 'Spridle' or 'Chim-Chim'?Doc Evil

The newest pro-abortion posters were the most affective of all.Nope, Can't Live Up To This

Okay, he's strapped in....roll him into the....Oh shit, did you find a black guy to blame it on yet??Val Man

"You don't want to buy it. Always leaking fluid, noisy as hell, and stinks in the summer. The car isn't any good either."Disco Fever. Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah, we know he's dead. Mom uses him to get into the carpool lane.Werehamster

"You're worried about the passenger-side airbag?! Bil, it's a fucking 1963 Ford Falcon! Let's worry about the dashboard made out of 12 gauge steel, shall we?"Tillman

Wait! How long were we in the mall? I thought you left the window open a crack. Phoenix

Well, he's stopped crying, but with all the valium you put in his formula, it's a wonder he's still breathing!NME--

Kid on you, seat!Mr. Ben McClellan

"Mistress Thel, PJ's bonds are complete. He seems satisfied."Looseleaf

"Mom, with a grin like that, do you really think his pacifier is in the diaper bag?"not for the faint of heart

One more sign Keane can't draw:...Obviously this is a '61 Plymouth Fury...and as everyone knows the '61 Fury had a 3/4 inch BEVELED, fulmer door hasp, not the 3/4 inch UN-BEVELED fulmer door hasp...duh!, Opie

Hitchhiker's Rule of the Road #228: If the car that pulls over for you has no one driving it, run.Shem

"Why the fuck is it that you worry about all these safty precautions but still drive a Pinto?"Westur the Unspeakable

"Now That's what I call a Theft Deterrent System!"Westur the Unspeakable

Jeffy, shocked into terrified motionlessness by the snarl of the onrushing bear, managed to keep his wits about him long enough to indicate that the baby would make a much more tender and juicy morsel.Vice Pope Doug

"Hey! Someone's unconscious in the front seat with an empty bottle in his hand, having lost control of his bladder... and it isn't Dad!"ks

"I'll be right in. Just gonna leave the car running for a while out here in the garage. Keep it warm and all."M

The family had for years passed time during long car trips by engaging in farting contests, but four frantically opened doors and Jeffy's violent, hacking coughs announced to the world that P.J. had just taken the competition to a new level.me, myself, I

...Following collision, the test subject's cranium appeared clearly distorted (cerebellum melonheadum), the head injury apparently causing permanent catatonia.. -- Consumer Reports' test of the Bil Keane-endorsed carseatCoalcracker

"Awwww! Mom, get the video camera! PJ's having his first orgasm!"Magus

"Step right up! For $5 you can rub the Enlightened One's belly!Dark Toast

"Rubber dummy? What the hell are you talking about? Of course it's the real PJ! Why wouldn't it--HEY!! HEY!! GET AWAY FROM THAT FLOWER BED!!"andy

Airbags are perfectly safe for children in the front I say! And to prove it, I'll use my own baby brother, yes the foul smelling shit filled baby bottle boinking cute little infant you see here, to demonstrate the validity of this assertion. Now, watch as I release the parking brake.myke

Ever since he found your Ronco Anal Intruder, Daddy, it's been impossible to get that look off his face.xian, the boy with the monkey heart

"What the fuck? PJ gets gross points and a chauffeur for his non-speaking part, while Billy, Dolly and I still have to share a parking space. You bet you're going to hear from my agent!"The Dork Wanderer

You fucking idiots! Pj's been in the car the all weekend! Call off the fucking forest rangers!xian, the boy with the monkey heart

[Insert rich Corinthian leather joke here.]Gen. Sedgwick

Let's see, shoulder harnesses have been standard equipment since... Jesus! How old is this car?Gen. Sedgwick

Strap-IN. I said I was helping PJ with his strap-IN. Get your minds out of the gutter for once.Gen. Sedgwick

"Here he is, Mommy! You can stop interrogating that dingo now!"ks

"Children should never be put in a rear-facing safety seat behind an air-bag." So filling his bottle with bourbon makes him an adult?anon

"Man, this kid blows a mean chromatic harmonica!"ks

No, no, Dad, I'm grateful that we finally got a movie deal. It's just that I didn't know the Ohio State Patrol was in the movie business.Gen. Sedgwick

Jim Henson's Susan Smith babies.Werehamster

Jesus, Dolly! What the hell do you think a roof-rack's for, anyway?!?Rotter

"Well, I told you to crack the window, but you wouldn't listen...but hey, this is interesting...it's true what they say about getting an erection at the moment of death..."DogMatic 2000

While Jeffy whined about PJ being noticeably cuter than him in this strip, violating some contract stipulation or other, PJ blissfully ignored him. Ah, thought PJ, nothing like the feeling of filling up a fresh pair of diapers.-Jester

PJ absentmindedly stroked the bottle up and down, reminiscing about this morning's "special ride" with Daddy. Meanwhile, Jeffy attempted to auction off his little brother to passersby.Accidental Angel

"...and to further improve the safety features of our automobiles, we use real mellon headed kids in all our high impact collision tests. No wimpy, plastic crash test dummies for us!" The Mad Whacker

"Oh, I see how it is, dad. I bite down once because you hit a pothole, and you kick me to the backseat like a filthy little cumgobbler!"andy

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