DFC #332

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Jesus fucking Christ, Mrs. Lebowski! That's not what I meant when I asked you to show me where the Grand Titons were!"Mr. Fungfung

Gee...Pee Wee's been rooting around in his front pockets for today's Secret Word for almost ten minutes! What do you make of that, Globey?Rotter

This illustration demonstrates the tragic effects on the globe of El Keaņo.Lost in Erehwon

Once again, Jeffy fails to get the joke.Doctor Gimpenstein

"...So in conclusion, while the Family Circus is currently read in over 70 countries, it is only enjoyed in three." - Jeffy P. Keane, King Features Quarterly Reportbobo

Jeffy in Geosynchronous Orbit, by M. C. EscherHeath

Jeffy freezes, confusing "show and tell" with "Don't ask, don't tell."Gen. Sedgwick

"Fascinating... if one draws a line connecting the sites of all the murders, it spells 'PULL MY FI.' What in the hell could that possibly mean?" --The Alienist 3: Melonhead of Darknessks

Far too stupid for the normal version, Jeffy had to play the lesser-known variant, Where in the World Is San Diego?ks

"Mommy, Canada isn't anywhere near Vietnam. Daddy musta had a different globe during the war."Booji Boy

Jeffy froze. All his time spent preparing his geography report was shot to hell and forgotten when Susie Derkowitz flashed her breasts at him.hangtownman

Jeffy couldn't help it. His mouth always did that when he got near a pole.hangtownman

"...and the people of Little Earth will watch in horror as I deliver the killing spin to their planet, flinging all who do not worship Lord Jeffy as their god and rightful ruler!"Ultra-Girl

"This globe provides definite proof that the world is flat, since otherwise all the water in the oceans would fall off."anon

Jeffy, shocked, finally got onstage to accept his Pornie for Best Use of the Word 'peener' In a Cartoon. "You like me," he said, "you really, really like me!"phil (tripping my...never mind)

Where will you be when your laxative starts working?anon

o/` It's a world of stark mediocrity / It's a world of mindless stupidity / It's a sudden attack of a knife in yer back / It's the real world after allllllll... o/`Doc Evil

"Daddy, where do all the 'fucking gooks' that you keep talking about live?"The Eli

In retrospect, I suppose we all should have been a little suspicious that Dad always kept his list of non-extradition-treaty countries absolutely up to date. -- From If This isn't a Circus, then Who Are These Clowns? by Goeff KeaneWestur the Unspeakable

"Ok, Mister Brainiac. If this is the whole world, then where's this 'ecstasy' place that Uncle Roy's always takin' Dad to?Westur the Unspeakable

In the Aboriginal myth, the face in the moon is of an ugly, white, one-nostril'd boy, whose head is covered by wounds caused by his evil father, the One Who Eventually Ate Australia.Moorlock

Dad won't draw Asia. Something about a bad shore leave during his Navy days...Coalcracker

I'm no expert in international law, Bil, but I'm pretty sure that marking off our state with a Marks-A-Lot isn't enough to create a new country...Craig

The PBS kids series "Where in the world is Dolly Keane?" was quickly cancelled when it was found that nobody really gives a rat's ass where she is.bobo

No Cuba, no Greenland... well, given who draws this strip I guess I should be grateful that he separated Laurasia and Gondwanaland.Gen. Sedgwick

Lets see..... Hey Mom! Which country hasnt bil been convicted of a sex crime in yet?The one and only Don C.

Escaping to the embassy, Jeffy proved he was an American by being unable to find the country on a globe. Or indeed, knowing what a globe was...Bill

"...And in Zimbabwe, we're called Cirque de la Famille Zeze. We suck down there, too. The End."Heath

The sets for Jeffy's school production of South Pacific left something to be desired.ks

"My god... I suddenly understand why our heads are so misshapen! We're drawn on a Mercator projection!"ks

"We'll go where the wind takes us. Uzbekistan, mostly."ks

Frozen in amazement, Jeffy realized that if he concentrated and squinted really hard at the magic globe, he could see every single human being on the planet...at a glance he would look from city to city, transfixed by the tiny people as they lived their everyday lives...going to work, making love, playing in the schoolyard, laughing, crying...and he realized that not a single one of them ever read "Family Circus."dca

Am I the only one who thinks this globe has a great ass?Riff

Wait! Where are the elephants and the giant turtle?Riff

Hey Bil, the Chinese run Hong Kong now; you might want to update your "Age of Consent" globe! Bill

Dear Mr. Keane, As you may know, NASA employs its own staff of artists. We therefore respectfully decline your "Asteroid 1997 XF11 in near-collision with Earth".Galahad

"The feds are right. I can't get Internet Explorer off my desktop." Crazy Climber

Dad-can-we-go-to-Australia? Dad-can-we-go-to-Japan? Dad-can-we-go-to-Hawaii? Dad-can-we-go-to-Indonesia? Dad-do-you-know-who-took-all-my-Ritalin? Dad-can-we-go-to-Antarctica? Dad-can-we-go-to-Korea?garden weasel

Jeffy's teacher began to get worried as he began his report on South America by carefully tracing Bil's cocaine smuggling route through the Andes...kill kill

"Just where the hell is Bumblefuck?"M

"Where's this Fire Island that Dad went to?"M

What was to be Jeffy's big break ended in disappointment when his brief scene in Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" video was left on the cutting-room floor.M

I wonder how many oddly shaped and poorly drawn children are trapped in THERE?Karne-age

Hey! It's the glowing globe from The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Uncle Roy does know Tim Curry!Paul "Riff Raff" Reed

Generic DFC caption #11: Oh yeah, well I say it can fit up P.J.'s ass!agm

World on you, slate!Like this one's gonna make it

"Pay up, Dolly. There's no such country as 'Fuckistan.'"Shem

"I was a bit shocked when I learned why the milkman paid mommy." Jeff Keane, Circle of KeaningThe 13th Angel

So the Impossible Zone is in Canada, eh?agm

Mommy, I always hear you telling Daddy to go to Hell. Which country is that in?agm

"Scientists say that the Earth isn't actually round, its melon shaped like .. a... uh... melon shaped thing". Jeffy, missing the running gag, lost points on his report. Crackhead Jonny

Blowers cramp let everyone in Geography know that Jeffy passed English last hour.Crackhead Jonny

"We've secretly replaced the air with Snuffy Brand Nitrogen...let's watch Jeffy's reaction."The 13th Angel

Wait a minute -- it's not revolving around me! Get my agent on the phone!!!Gen. Sedgwick

So THAT'S Colombia! I always wondered where Dad sent his money to.Jenn Dolari

wow! something bigger than my head!mommah behr

I've spent an hour looking at every goddamn city on this thing but I still can't find our hometown. Can anybody show me where Buttfuck, Egypt is???kramm

I'm not criticizing the Right Wing Globe, but what if, you know, hypothetically, we did want to know where Cuba was?Horselover Fat

Having lived his entire life within the confines of a two dimensional circle, Jeffy's mind is blown upon coming across a three dimensional sphere."JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy

No, dad! I said, "No glove, no love!" Not "globe," dammit! "Glove!" Kurt L.

Without a word, Luann shut the door behind her, and began to undress. "Hell," thought Jeffy, "I can do my geography project anytime..."Kurt L.

"So, lemme get this straight. We are the superiour race, and the lesser races must be wiped out or at least returned to their proper position? I never knew that! Homeschooling rocks!"anon

After failing to do his final book report, Jeffy stands prepared to give his teacher his extra credit "oral" assignment.munkiman

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