DFC #335

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Okay, who ordered a prostitute?! ....oh shit, sorry Mom, I didn't quite recognize you at first."JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy

"Adolf Hitler says barbecuing is gross. Adolf Hitler says women should dress with more modesty. Adolf Hitler says ..."Heath

Mom, I told you that human ribs are much too fatty. You should just have made round steaks from the legs and used the rest for soup!Werehamster

"Mom, Barfy's usin' one of your belts as a collar again..."Bob Petty

Although PJ ran as fast as he could to clock her a good one, a solid kick to the head from Thel quickly silenced Dolly's rendition of "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow."-Jester

My god! How on earth did you ever sqeeze my insanely large melon head through a tiny little birth canal like that??munkiman

Well alls I'm sayin is if daddy hadn't bet on the Bills, we wouldn't have to live in the park, foraging through other peoples barbacues. Treb

Kindly get your tit out of the Boboli.The late Winslow Leach

We've secretly replaced PJ with a small, bipedal primate. Let's see if anyone cares!Magus

You haven't seen my left arm, have you? PJ found three fingers, but so far that's it.Gen. Sedgwick

Saaaay, if Barfy's still here, then what the hell are we barbequing?RipperJak's Back

"Gosh, this is the bestest day of my whole life! I wish I could stay seven forever!"Heath

Mr. Bernstein wants to know if the hot dogs are kosher. Did we skin Jeffy with the same knife we killed him with?Bill, walking that line...

Mom, I forgot how we tell which burgers aren't laced with arsenic!Namgubed the Merry Elf

"So he asked me how I liked my steak, and I said, 'Blood on you, Meat!' He was not a happy camper!"Heath (Aren't y'all sick of this, too?)

Hold it right there! Remember -- restraining order.....Nethicus

"Dad's finally got the fire goin'... where are we settin' up the cross?"Generik

"Cookin' hot dogs smells much better than cookin' copies of The Last Temptation of Christ!"anon

During the earliest days of the strip, the Keane Family had a pet chimp named "Scooter", seen here in an otherwise unremarkable "Dolly-saying-something-embarassing" episode. The little ape tested poorly with focus groups, however, and was eventually replaced with Sam.Mycroft

"I can't understand a damn word the Browns say... it all sounds like "Wah wah wah" or something. Where's that bald kid of theirs, anyway?"Mycroft

"When I cried, my 'father' would draw me as a monkey and force me to parade around as if nothing was wrong, attracting stares and strange looks. God how I loathed life."-- I have no voice, and I must Keane, by Patrick J. KeaneMagus

I was wrong -- you can see your nipples through that top. Color. Shape. Everything!Vice Pope Doug

Mommy? The man with the pipe says he's gonna try to get you drunk enough for a "quick knob slobbin' in the garage like last year" -- what's a quick knob slobbin' ??Vice Pope Doug

This Day in History - June 18, 1959 -"Aw, Mom! Do we have to have steak and lobster for dinner again? I wish Daddy wasn't a rich and successful cartoonist..."bobo

"Really, Mommy, don't you and Daddy have ANY friends that know how to properly dress?"v

Moments after Dolly mumbled something about p'sghetti falling through BBQ slits, Bil tried that "pour while on fire" trick with the lighter fluid, but thanks to depth perception problems and a lack of corrective lenses it was a far more memorable gathering than most.twomp

Family Circus Study #14 At the height of Bil's DT's, he displays cunning symbolism, showing massive amounts of food, obesity, and bulemia in one caption.Nethicus

Mommy, that dumb little girl doesn't even know what a strap-on is.Buoy

I got dibs on the fetish-burger! ...yeah, that one -- the one your breast is sitting on.Kurt L.

But we outnumber them, so why the hell are we cooking for them?Kurt L.

Tell me again why we have to make it, um, ook-lay ike-lay an accident-phay, instead of just killing them now?Kurt L.

How come when Barfy takes a dump in the yard no one notices, but when I do it the neighbors stare? Talk about your double-standards!Kurt L.

Half pound burger patties? A 20 lb bag of salt? Geez Mom, are we still shopping at Price Club? bobo

I keep forgetting Mommy. Is Mrs. Anderson the skanky pisspot that you don't like?bobo

How much longer to I hafta wear these handcuffs, anyway?Kurt L.

May I have your attention, everyone? My assistant, PJ, is now entering with Lot #1: photos of one of you in graphic activity with another married person on the street. I open the bidding at $1000. Do I hear...Rotter

I checked...Mr. and Mrs. Potter are too big for the crawlspace, but Sarah's got real possibilities!Rotter

I'm hungry now. Can't you guys swap after we eat?Coyote

My God, look at us. Dad's been ridin' the Night Train again, huh mom?clint

And now, my impression of Linda Blair doing a party trick in The Exorcistnot elsie

"It was the same old routine at each barbeque. 'Roll over Barfy. Sit Barfy. Shake hands Barfy. Play dead Barfy.' Shit, it was so degrading and pitiful. I could have been inside licking my balls."--Barfy, Inside the Flea CircusCoyote

Bil's soused. He's trying to light the fire in the satellite dish again.Coyote

And if you pause "The Keane Family Barbecue" video at exactly the right moment, you can catch Cousin Sally holding her plexiglass dildo. You're a cruel man, Mr. KeaneTangent

Mr. Magruder says photos, sexy clothes, French, mutual J/O are fine but the "little woman" won't do a final swap...Opie

Why did Daddy give Mr. Davis a tour of the house??? It's not like he hasn't been here a hundred times while Daddy's at work...Opie

The svelter '50's version of Thel inspired this popular "I Like Dyke" button.Gen. Sedgwick

Daddy's been hitting the keg pretty hard already...he's just about to grill up 20lbs of cat litter...Opie

What's the problem? He asked how I wanted the wiener and I told him it was up to him, but anal costs $10 extra. Did I quote it wrong?Gen. Sedgwick

Are these the people you said not to tell any Jew jokes around?Opie

I told 'em about Dad and the spaceship and the probes and all, and they got kinda quiet. Was that supposed to be a secret?Gen. Sedgwick

$150 to do both of them...and that doesn't include the dogs or their ugly kidOpie

Dolly soon regretted her "baby bird" impression, however, when Thel decided to show her what pre-chewed food really tasted like.ks

A scene from the hilarious new Rick Moranis feature, Honey, I Either Stretched PJ's Legs Or Shaved Jeffy's Head, I Can't Tell Which.ks

I disagree, Mom. Heroin does too make a family gathering more fun for everyone.Eli

I'm a little bull dyke/Short and stout/Mention your dick/And I'll rip it outmunkiman

If this is a family bar-b-que, why can't we roast PJ?sammy mazola jr

Since we've apparently travelled in time back to the 50's, does that mean Daddy won't be marching for Gay Pride this year?Bill

Since this party is outside, is it safe to assume that Bil won't be showing his home-made "Gladiator" movies?Bill

It was really nice of Daddy to invite the three people in the world who read his comic to the picnic, huh, Mommy...Bill

Biker shorts with a halter top? Someone's on the prowl! Grr!Bill

"Hot damn, Mommy! If Mr. Porkschaft doesn't notice you in that, he's gotta be a homo!"kramm

Don't freak, Mom, but Bil's having a flash back. Grandpa's alive, we're back in our cutsey, stumpy, early forms, and dad's stoking the grill with that benzine-based fire starter that stopped our growth.Hideo Spanner

So if that guy is your half-brother, and that woman is P.J.'s real mom, and that girl is both my sister and my cousin, does that make Jeffy my half-brother or a son-in-law?agm

Mom! PJ's goosestepping in front of the Hershbergers again!Coalcracker

Yes, Mom, I understand the concept of virgin sacrifice, but I think we're overlooking a crucial detail here ...Riff

All eyes were on Dolly; who would have thought that such a little girl would use big words like "self-immolation"Moorlock

O.K. we're all set. You entertain the new neighbors and we'll go ransack their house for any valuables.Johnboy

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