DFC #336

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Drugstore enemas are worthless. You want the real deal, hop on this geyser!"M

"Extreme Tree Hugging! SURGE!!!"M

This scene of melon-head children worshipping a giant phallus was later cut from Un Chien Andalou because it was just "too fucking strange" in the words of Dali.The Mystery Roach

Ever eat a pine tree? Many parts are edible...Doc Evil

Check it out: I'm getting Lumber support! Not lumbar, LUMBER! It's FUNNY, damn you all!!!Doc Evil

"Next 'Good on you mate' caption I get, and I'll whack 'em on the head with this!"Heath

See, a NECK looks like this, but a lot shorter...Earwig

So I says, "Hey dad, how about drawing us a horizon?" No way. Then I says, "Well, how about a huge, ungodly phallic symbol?" That, he could do.bohica

See, I told ya God was trying to fuck us.Treb

"I hafta hold up this pole because Jeffy's fat ass is messin' up the grabbity around here."Mycroft

Barfy's supersensitive nose detects action in the PJ diaper arena.Please, stay in your assigned pew.

Well, it sounds like... Dammit, Jeffy! For the last time,quit humping my leg!Kurt L.

As the other children scampered about, delighted by the mysterious new pole in their yard, Jeffy peered skward and was frozen with one simple thought: Man, that's one big-ass pirate.Shifter

"Hey, if you listen closely you can almost hear the sound a dying comic strip."JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy

Okay, now get the nail gun-- I'm gonna get that ear pierced whether they like it or NOT !Kitsunesan

Bil's early attempts to use the "split-panel" technique were crude at best.ks

PJ savored the delicious irony: he was successfully hiding behind the very thing his siblings were as dumb as.ks

"Keep your money in a nice, safe, low-yield cow, they said. Magic beans are headed for a downturn, they said. Well, who's laughing now?"ks

Taking a page from Tom Sawyer, ever-sadistic Billy soon had all three siblings smacking their melon-heads against a telephone pole.Who me?

"Strange," Barfy thought, "I didn't think PJ was that interested in me. And in public, too!"Joe Z

"If you listen carefully, you can hear the follicle regenerating."Mr. Notlob

"Hey, these termites are singin' Mariah Carey songs in here!" It was then Barfy realized he and his John Lennon-singing termites were just old news.BlueWhackadooSlurpee

"Oh, scenery," he kept saying, "I love you so." Soon, he would be saying the same thing about his new friend, Mr. Thorazine.phil

"Now that Charlie Brown's cornered, let's go beat up that pussy Linus!"Stealth

Billy's eyes went wide as the telephone pole lovingly told him about all the rewards that would be his once he had sent the non-believers to Hell.Westur the Unspeakable

...and this part up here tastes like Great Dane.Bubba

While Billy jabbered on endlessly, PJ bent close and sniffed. Someone had marked his territory. And just recently, too!hangtownman

Even as Billy described the glory of Scottish heritage, Jeffy couldn't help the crushing shame of Bil twirling in a kilt and no underwear.jedi mind trip

Ackh! Yew call that a caber toss Jeffy? Stand back laddies, and let a real man show yew how its done!bobo

I think I hear Kittykat tryin' to kick someone's ass in Shoe. Knowin' this family though, the only bird she's gonna find that she can beat is in Shultz's flimsy tree.twomp

finger-bone connected to the - ear bone, ear-bone conected to the - pole bone, pole-bone connected to the - difficult zonedead-horse

Two guys walk into a bar... ouch. Thank you, I've got a million of 'em.dead-horse

"Mom, the label says, Requires one (1) twelve (12) volt car battery."twomp

Oooh, you are a sexy telephone pole! Ahhhh...you're all I ever need, baby! Mmmmm...I'll give you lovin' all night!Mr. Ben McClellan

If we knock over this pole, we can collapse the whole panel! Start pushing! Come on, guys! Don't you wanna get out of this hellhole?Mr. Ben McClellan

Jeffy was puzzled. He never found this landmark on his trusty globe.Mr. Ben McClellan

Billy, who was looking back over his shoulder never saw the sudden eruption of steam from the geyser until it was too late. After that day, we always referred to him as "old faceless". -- excerpt from Blood On You, Fate; Jeffrey Keane's Fight For Self DirectionNorm DePlume

Dolly's tasting it, Jeffy's looking at it, Billy's listening to it, and PJ's feeling it with his face. Stupid human fucks, thought the dogs...zen

Barfy looked angrily at the kids. I really need to pee, he thought, and if those dumb bastards don't move in five minutes, they'll die!RipperJak

Budget problems led to cutbacks in the FBI wiretap division.Lost in Erehwon

Wood on you, face!Coyote

"No, it's true. I heard Daddy tell mommy last night. He said 'Stroke the pole, baby. You'll get what you want. You'll get what you need'"Scuzzlebutt

Many termite. Eat good tonight.Gen. Sedgwick

Daddy said something about how Uncle Roy's big pole gives him power... let's see if it works.Gen. Sedgwick

Jeffy! Dolly! Tell Mommy to bring the hose...Barfy's treed Daddy again Opie

It's not so bad, really! Once your scalp goes numb, you can hardly feel the nail.Stefan Jones

No, I can't hear the ocean, but I can hear two termites going at it something fierce!Jenn Dolari

Barfy's ears perked up as Billy began to mark the tree. Ten seconds later, all that was left was an ear, and a few wisps of hair.Jenn Dolari

Towards the end of it all, Billy went delusional, grabbing any peice of wood he could find and talking about all the lovely furniture he would make. Soon after, he died from our strict diet of "gasphetti." Circle Jerks by Dolly Keene-JohnsonBill

P.J. won hide and seek by drawing his chi within. After all, how could the others find him if he could not find himself?Bill

Hmm, thought Jeffy, the lineman appears to have dropped a wrench. I guess that'll make me the oldest boy....phil

If you're going to make it in politics, you have t'listen to the poles...sammy mazola jr

"Wood on you, mate!"Everybody's doin' it, Why can't I?

I wonder if this is the Pole that Daddy says keeps going to a bar with a Priest and a Rabbi...Bill

"You guys stand back. I'm gonna mark my territory too." Down the hall from Dave

"Ohm's law says current is voltage divided by resistance. Here, climb up this pole and I'll show you."kramm

Spurned by his parents for affection, Billy turns to a telephone pole for the warmth and love he needsLost in Erehwon

Mr. Kubrick said if we hang out next to this monolith a lot, we might evolve into real humanoids!Paul "Space Oddity" Reed

Check it out! We can climb up this and break into "Dilbert"! Let's go kick that nerd's ass and steal his laptop!Paul "Paulbert" Reed

Now we'll show that fucker what crucifixion really means!Riff

Yes, I am interested in low-cost long-distance. Very interested...Coalcracker

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