DFC #338

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Thel had heard about the potent combination of electricity and water, but was about to learn that a towel with some static cling wouldn't quite do the job. Crazy Climber

*Gasp* *Pant* I found it! If you swim down far enough, it leads to the sewer and freedom! I'm outta here, one-breast!phil

Why th' Hell did they put a transporter pad in th' bathroom, anyhoo?Doc Evil

Drawing this cartoon was easier than most. Since Bil was looking through a peep hole, the image was already converted to a circular shape.anon

"Extreme urination! SURGE!"I can't take credit for this.

I'm makin' my own gravy!Doc Evil

Just incase I ever grow up to be beautiful an' a man tells me 'baby, I could drink your bath water,' I thought I might jar some while my skin cells are adipose yet supple.Trevita

Shampoo? Nah, I use nothing but real poo!Namgubed the Zest-Dolly Keane

"Don't step on the Tesla coil, Mom!" Oh dang, too late.anon

"Please, Mom, don't be so upset... I was just, er, experimenting. I borrowed the fake ponytail from Dolly. Anyway, Daddy says that tucking isn't the same thing as lying about your sex."Mycroft

Her last hope was that the readers may be telepathic. "Help me," she thought, "I have money. And drugs. And a beautiful body, sometimes."phil

"Wow! A bubble bath AND a lesbian stripper! This is the best birthday ever!"Magus

"I just emerged from the primordial ooze, and BOY are my genes tired! Thank you, you've been great...."Magus

Could you step off the heating coils, Mommy? I'm fixin' to cook a trash can full of Hormel.Trevita

In the most desperate of Star Trek Voyager plots yet, a Ferengi transporter problem gives Seven-of-Nine Tuvok's hair, and reduces Janeway to a tiny freak.twomp

"Why I'd love to have some p-sch... damn it, CUT!! Fer chrissakes, she's looking at the camera again! Can't you get me a professional to work with?"hangtownman

You know, I just realized -- what's the point in having a bathtub and a toilet? Kinda redundant, if you ask me...Kurt L.

Thel's bathtub gin would come to have unexpected consequences; namely, the birth of her 'daughter' Dolly.Thomas Wilde

"Don't worry. That's just Billy and Jeffy outside in the treehouse. My little show's drivin' em so wild, I should be able to charge double tonight!"hangtownman

"Hey, stranger. You come here often?"Westur the Unspeakable

This is her third tomato-juice bath this week, thought Thel. What can she be doing with all these skunks, anyway?Westur the Unspeakable

Dolly had successfully navigated the deep end of the tub. Jeffy, never the strongest swimmer, wasn't as lucky.Westur the Unspeakable

Although Chaos was her environment, Thel trod unwisely while navigating the Logrus, and, distracted by the yapping of her house-ape, was incinerated instantly.Corwin (or zen, what's the difference..)

Jeez, look at the angle of that bathroom wall! What the fuck do we live in, a tesseract?zen

...now guess where I hid the soap?R.J.M.

The first of many in the Dolly's Long Slide Into Hard-Core Porn line of collectable plates.Shifter

"Gimme some neck, giraffe-lady!"Generik

As she looked around, Thel felt a mix of emotions. On the one hand, she had found her way into a better cartoon. On the other hand, it was a Roadrunner cartoon.PH

Dammit mom! A 3-foot deep bathtub might be great for you, but I'm fighting for my life here!Kurt L.

I gotta admit -- those last ones were your strongest diuretics yet!Gen. Sedgwick

It's no good, ma. I shampooed three times already. 'Guess you shouldn't have waited THIRTY FUCKING YEARS to take my hair out of this ponytail!marty gray

"Be gentle with that towel...I just got my hood pierced today."Heath

Get me some beans, Ma. I'm in the mood for a bubble bath!Doc Evil

Thel did some quick calculations. The discarded clothes would bring a good price in the newsgroups, but the towel... best to auction that off. Crazy Climber

NAME: Dolly Keane. MEASUREMENTS; 20, 20, 20. TURN ONS; men, boys, women, girls. TURN OFFS; Poorly made 'pasghetti, dead batteries, overpriced drugs.Coyote

"Go ahead, look at the camera, it doesn't matter on these 'amateur' videos anyway."twomp

"No shower head, no curtain, not even any tiling. I don't know who you're architect was, but this bathroom is about one step above crack-house standards."Alphax the Dimensional Rapist

Dolly barks happily for fresh herring.Seal of Approval

Most people don't realize that several Family Circus panels from the early 70's were directed by Roman Polanski.Mycroft

While not as popular as Thel in The Birth of Venus, Bil's homage to September Morn vastly outsold his self-portrait as Michelangelo's David.Gen. Sedgwick

"I'll bet that bath hating shit Calvin could go for a Me and Suzie Derkins sandwich, eh?"twomp

I'm OK, just out of breath... swam a few laps while you were out. Being freakishly short does have a few advantages...Kurt L.

Check this out -- I'm practicing my "seductive preteen sexpot" pose, just in case I ever meet Woody Allen...Kurt L.

After forty years of prepubescence, I've finally had my period - with a vengeance!NME--

"I know what you're thinking, but the way I'm posed, if he didn't put it on my shoulder there'd be no nip in this bath scene at all."Moorlock

Whoever said diamonds are a girls best friend never had 20psi of water pressure.Rainman

The line of Down and Dirty with the Keanes ended with Volume 13, when Thel discovered the camera Jeffy had embedded in the bathroom wall.Ultra-Girl

"Extreme douche! SURGE!!!"M

When Bil washes me he does it nature's way. Like a cat.Coyote

As Dolly droned on about her skin getting all wrinkled from her bath, Thel pondered over her relection in the mirror. "My God", she thought, "The Pringles man really is my father!"bobo

"Whoa! From the look on your face I'd say somebody's been changing her own dosages again."hangtownman

Preliminary results indicate that 83 % felt the wrong Keane female was topless, 11% were even sicker fucks than we thought, and 6% had no opinion.Gen. Sedgwick

More asses' milk, slave!Gen. Sedgwick

Yow! I'd say there's room for two towels on that rack!kanemochi_B

"I'd love another cup, please!" said Dolly. Strange, thought Thel, Dolly never asks for a second cup of coffee.Nethicus

Ah, the old "just bringing you a fresh towel" trick again? Let's cut the crap, mom, you've been ogling me through the keyhole for the last 10 minutes anyway.kanemochi_B

10:00 La Femme Nikita Blood Circus Nikita poses as a housewife in order to assassinate a satanic cartoonist's daughter. Good Dolly/Bad Dolly: The Olsen TwinsPaul "Merde!" Reed

See! Kittycat's not afraid of water, mommy! He stopped stuggling ten minutes ago!Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

The plot failed as Thel stepped away from the bullseye a second too soon, although Toontown authorities believe the anvil would have bounced off her hair anyway.Gen. Sedgwick

Wanna play Titanic with us Mom? I'm the Titanic and Jeffy is going down on me.The Tiger

"why didn't you touch my privates and tell me not to say anything like daddy does?"mommah behr

Thel looked despondently at herself in the mirror. She was 33, the wife of an alcoholic, impotent, excuse of a man, and spent her days locked in a house with four children destined for counseling. And as Dolly expounded on the joys of farting in the tub, Thel thought "Where have all the cowboys gone?"The Tiger

I'm practicin' being jailbait! Get out of here before Calvin's dad looks through the window and starts snapping photos of you, too!agm

"Good thing you're wearing short sleeves. Barbie's leg has blocked the drain again!" Paranoid from too much pot, Thel sensed that her child was plotting to drown her. Who me?

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