DFC #344

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

No no no, PJ! Remember, we're Christian Scientists. If we pray hard enough, the wagon will move itself!Nethicus

You know, mom, I knew you shouldn't have locked P.J. in that hot car for several days.toade

Look, I know it's frustrating to spend 30 years at the same age, PJ, but look at it this way: at least you're young enough that you don't get sappy dialog assigned to you.Lost in Erehwon

Let's see; crappy seats, no lights, no horn, no brakes and it ain't going anywhere fast. Throw in a pair of fuzzy dice and it'll be just like Gran'ma's Chevette.bobo

The closest Bil Keane ever got to his idol, John Wayne: he managed to put at least one wagon in a circle.Gen. Sedgwick

Hired! You obviously have what it takes to be a Project Manager!Vice Pope Doug

We've secretly replaced the Keane's '85 K-Car with a Radio Flyer wagon. Let's see if anybody notices the improvement.bobo

"All right! You're ready, save it, man, save it. Now, let's go see that little shit Van Pelt about that twenty he owes me."hangtownman

No, no, no! You rub it up and down! Up and down! Jeez, no wonder Dad was so pissy this morning.couldn't help myself

Pop quiz, hot shot-- a melonheaded crack baby has commandeered your Radio Flyer and is demanding to be breast-fed by a giraffed-neck dyke. What do you do? What do you do? agm

Easy there, runt! Unlike Mom and Dad, the wagon may not have that strong a tongue!Gen. Sedgwick

"That's it," cheered Jeffy, "keep this up in front of the Veteran's Board, and we'll get enough post-war-traumatic-syndrome prescription drugs to make a killing in the elementary school black market."Stealth

Jeffy coached PJ on the intricacies of playground bullyhood.Stealth

The only thing you're going to move by doing that is your bowels.R.J.M.

If you violate conservation of momentum, I'll tell!The Plague

You idiot! This is not push technology!The Plague

"But this IS fair, P.J. You pulled me around the neighborhood for half an hour. And now you can pull yourself around for half an hour. What could be fairer than that?"El Kabong

"...and now the wheel! The wheel called you a pathetic little drip, Peej!"Eugene's a Nerd

"Welcome back, brave explorer... I told ya, featureless void."Deiphage

Budget constrictions led to the eventual failure of "Knight Rider: The Next Generation."Deiphage

"Hey, PJ, I know where I can get some really cool flags for that..." Looseleaf

Practiceing that way wont help, Dolly dosn't even have a neck!Magikaldragon

"Um...Superbaby? Psst. Superbaby. Don't take this wrong, but..ah..you don't need to change the course of the wagon. It's not moving." And, thus was born the Superman-Lex Luthor rivalry.Paul "Great Krypton!" Reed

...And should we ever get the bastard angry...oh, god, it was horrible. He'd draw all kinds of shit on us just to teach us a lesson. One time he put a tail on Peej, made his eyes bleed and fused him to the wagon for not eating all his peas. I nearly puked when I first saw it." Arnold "Jeffy" Keane, Rings of FireJamey Powell

Umm, let me guess... Yeah! You're the Iwo Jima Memorial!Reeky Ricardo

And when you've finished doing that, I've got a rope I want you to push.myke

Shit, son, your problem's in the fuel system! You could just replace the hose, but I'd go with a four-barrel Holly and get me some Edelbrock intakes....phil

Jeffy tried to warn him, but PJ didn't notice Dolly's Junior Miss Wagon Bomb attached to the wheel until it was too late.phil

Shit, PJ, guess who hasn't taken his Ritalin today?phil

"It's not the handle's fault! You've just got oval wheels."Mycroft

Faster, Peej! Faster! To Mexico--and freedom, sweet freedom! Aw, hell--you won't even make it to the 7-11, you pathetic melonhead.Coalcracker

Open your eyes, you stupid bastard! You're ruining the gag -- this is my finger!Gen. Sedgwick

Look out PJ! The guy who draws 'Nancy' just got ahold of me! I look like that fag Sluggo! Run!Marlboro

I don't care what daddy calls this exercise, I think it's evil!Riff

"Adjective on noun, mate!" Westur the Unspeakable (Deeply ashamed)

PJ's training for the Monster Truck Pull faced technical difficulties from the start. Looseleaf

"I was pretty suprised the day PJ built a wagon out of a cake pan, a crowbar, and four mismatched saucers. I was completely floored when he used it to qualify fourth in the Daytona 500." -- From I.Q. on You, Mate! Biography of PJ Keane, Boy GeniusWestur the Unspeakable

Man - looks like Dad's not the only one who gets the shakes when he's on the wagon ...Riff

"No, no. A Hurst shifter has a forward angle to it. Darn it, Peej, you know nothing about performance transmissions."twomp

"It's no use, P.J.--there's no way you can overcome this strip's inertia!"Desscribe

"Hey, c'mon. It happens to all of us. Remember Billy's preemo columbian flake? How about Dolly's Ecstacy? If it's one thing dad can do, it's finding a hiding place for your stash."twomp

That's very good PJ... now remember... when ever you hear Dolly's voice you will feel the same urge... I will count to ten and you will awaken!dannyboy

Peej's seizures are way more entertaining in a wagon!Dead Parrot

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