DFC #346

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Phosphates? Aren't you carrying this retro shit a bit too far?Gen. Sedgwick

Cinderthella's fairy godson promises to turn the toy car and bedsheet into a stretch limo and kickin' threads.NME--

Thel was aghast as she put the pieces together: the new toy truck to bribe the child into silence, the blood stained sheets, the unnatural fear of the flyswatter...Seamus

If you "accidently" run my crack pipe through the washing machine again I'll bitch-slap your skanky ass into next week.ralphie

I thought I told you to only starch the boxers, this stiff thong is killing me.anon

"And when I get home from school, you'd better have my stockings and garter belt spotless!"Westur the Unspeakable

"Mommy, Daddy said to get the fly-swatter and bleach before Dolly unties herself!"jason

Dang, those are huge ... appliances!NME--

Here we see young Macaulay Culkin, telling his mom she'd better start wearing something "a little more revealing" or she'll be out on the street.Larry Hastings

Mom? There's a real plot behind you. We need to run before we're relevant.Diedi

"What the hell is my Scotch doing up there?!?!"Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

"The Fatherland needs laborers like you! You will be rewarded for your patient, diligent...oh, sorry, Thirties flashback. Can I go out and play?"Marnen Laibow-Koser

"Hot water for whites, warm water for permanent press, and cold water for latex. Last time, you made a mess!"Heath

"Oh, shit. This must be the Functional Family Circus. Barf city."Heath

I rebuke you in-uh the name-uh of Jesus-uh!R.J.M.

"Move over! You're in my limelight."Heath

As the peeping tom stared through the open window behind them, he had NO idea exactly how much he was gonna see. -- Court report of the State Vs. Jeffery and Thelma KeaneDarth Vader, LOD (aka Marcus Aureillius)

"Handeth me yon flyswatter, Buxom Wench! I must do battle with a verminous plague!"anon

Thel once again has cause to regret her and Bil's years of acid and meth as Jeffy stares up in drooling awe at the flyswatter and stammers "It's Jesus, mommy!"Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier

Do I need anything washed? I was just up in Uncle Roy's room, wearing a clown suit and dancing a jig. How 'bout my sense of dignity?Coalcracker

"Aha! I knew you'd wash out all the stains before Social Services got here!"Heath

And this time go easy on the starch! I don't want to be walking around like Grandpa with a full diaper!Nethicus

You know, Mom, if you did our laundry more than once a year you wouldn't need that spatula to scrape the sheets off our beds.bobo

*pant* Please don't confuse <huff> Dad's crack stash with the laundry detergent again! (pant) I had police dogs chasing me *pant* across half the town!!agm

Mommy -- Gramammary -- er, I mean Gramma is on the phone!Vice Pope Doug


"Mom, quick! Call Dr. Cuthbertson! I've got disco fever!!"the skyclad answer

"Dad wants me to bring the flyswatter, a Hefty bag, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. The Tonka truck was my idea."Heath

"It was hard being a five year old master thief. Like the time I stole the Shroud of Turin from the Vatican, and my mother found it and ran it though the hot cycle." -- Wasted Youth by Sir Geoffrey Keanehangtownman

"Spank me, Mo--"... no, um, "Mommy, will you suck--"... no, "I saw Daddy and Uncly Roy--"... fuck. Line!anon

That shrunken banjo proves it! What did you do to Kermit the Frog, Mom?Riff

Mom, could that thing - hypothetically speaking, of course - kill, say, a giant tarantula that's loose in the living room?Riff

"Even though PJ was smaller, it was Jeffy who fixated on being treated like the pest he was. Terrified of flyswatters and pesticides, it was self-fulfilling prophecy; we found him face up with all four limbs in the air." -- Dolly Keane-Yokum, Circle of HellGen. Sedgwick

Jeffy always found it freaky that his mom could identify which of the neighborhood girls he'd gotten in his bed that week just by sniffing the sheets.agm

Fundamentalists insist that when played backwards, this cartoon contains the masked message "regnif ym llup."kciwgdeS .neG

"Can I lean against the dryer and make funny noises too?"M

Oh yeah, Thel? Well, I'll be thinking about that when I'm pissing on your grave!The Plague

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