DFC #355

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Jesus, Bil, the lighting! If you want to go to the Sundance festival, why not just buy a fucking ticket?"Randall

As Dolly continued with her sobriety test, P.J. mused how her shadow resembled the Michelin ManR.J.M.

Pray harder, daddy is still coming up the walk...and he's unzipping his fly!R.J.M.

"I block Kitty's sun / Dolly tries to tell Mother / Her blood warms the cat." -- P.J. Keane: A Biography in Haiku Crazy Climber

Damnit, Mom! I don't care if the US is threatening sanctions. The Bumsteads just tested their fifth nuclear device this week and I want to show them they can't intimidate us mellonheads!munkiman

CUT!!! Dammit, if you can't keep those kliegs working, how the hell is he even supposed to find my finger?Gen. Sedgwick

Showing that Bil's timing is as good as ever, the Keanes pick the wrong week to vacation in India.hangtownman

The last sound to ever grace the panel was Dolly's panic-stricken scream. Then the quickly leaking ink blotted out the Family Circus forever.Magus

Somehow a Buddha like PJ smiling not-so pleasantly at Kittycat like he was an eastern delicacy makes me worry about Keane's Christian values.Erekose

Mom! PJ is attaining beginner's mind and becoming one with the universe and he won't share!anon

"My younger brother comes between my cat and the sun. I tell on him, but it makes no difference. I long for p'sghetti, but there is none." Family, the new fragrance from Calvin Keane.phil

That's not pointilism you fuck, its zip-a-tone!Yakko

The glare from the full moon had reached blinding intensity, the cat was melting into a squriming puddle, and his sister now appeared to have a head the size of a prize pumpkin while floating a few inches above the floor. No doubt about it--PJ had finally scored some kick-ass LSD!Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier

Yeah, P.J.'s here. At least I think it's him. Dad could be dragging th' lawn gnomes in for God-knows-what again...Doc Evil

"Bil Keane's earlier strip, Life Inside The World's Biggest Microwave, was particularly ill-timed, as microwaves would not be invented for another 15 years." --from An Illustrated History Of The Comics by Fenton Rhyce-Tweel.Heath

We've secretely replaced the ephedrine in Bil's cook rig with toner. Can you spot the difference?anon

What light, from yonder window breaks...speaking of "wind" and "breaks"...will thou pulleth mine finger, fair lad?R.J.M.

"Then a blindingly bright light broke through the clouds and PJ was assumed bodily into heaven amidst a joyful chorus of angels. All I could do was stare and think 'Fuck! If he woulda told me he was the Messiah I would have been nicer to the little shit all these years.'." -- from Now We Know What the 'J' Stood For by Dolly Keanehangtownman

What's this? Another power outage. Let's see...lights..dead...the phone..dead...Grandma in her iron lung..dead. Now are you willing to give up this solar-power pipe dream, you cheap zero?bobo

Along with seeing increased shades of blue, Viagra users report seeing perfectly normal people as melonheaded freaks. (AP)Coalcracker

A Study in Grey and White #2 OR Whistler's Cat, his Fat-Ass Niece, and a Mildly Retarded Neighbor Kid Opie

Mommeee! Steve Jobs is usin' his Reality Distortion Field again!!Vice Pope Doug

Two seconds and fifty stitches later, PJ would greatly regret getting in the way of Kittycat's sunbeam.Evil Damo Suzuki

Percival Jebediah Keane - ever the master at passive-aggressive annoyance - could simultaneously piss off his sister and kittycat by simply standing still: Kittycat was easy - he'd just block the warmth of the sun. Dolly was tougher, but a diet rich in cruciferous vegetables and beans washed down with plenty of Tequila could bring tears to the eyes of even the strongest of men. Jeffery Keane "Stories in the Round" Crumbcake

After watching the walls breathe for an hour PJ's gaze shifted to Dolly's shadow...It looked just like the mouse on that funny sticker Billy told him to lick...Opie

Momm! P.J.'s absorbing all the energy in our anti-matter world!wrong hero

"While Dolly screamed about something, Kittycat and I stared lustfully into each other's eyes, remebering our night of passion. But soon we'd have more than just memories; 3 weeks later I found out I was carrying his child." from "No One Ever Suspected: the Autobiography of Patricia Janet 'PJ' Keane"fish in the sky

Mom! PJ is channeling Chairman Mao again on purpose!Namgubed the Merry Elf

One fucking searchlight! One fucking police helicopter! Sure enough, you flush my goddamn stash again! What is it with you, you chickenshit bastard?garden weasel

When Shadows Attack! Next on FOX.Mr. ?

Arrangement in Gray and White #83: Fudgepacker's Daughter by James McNeill Whistler. On loan from the National Gallery of Art.Gen. Sedgwick

Panel #113 from Bil Keane's academically acclaimed volume of "lost" DFC episodes, Heuristic Sequences in Time-Dimensioned Phraseokinetics: Middle American Representations as a Hermeneutics Toward Hyper-Referential Symbologies in the Post-Kantian Ethos (also published in the popular press as Boy, Was I Fucked Up: The Acid Years).anon_B

And then the gears finally clicked: A demonic Minnie Mouse. Robed in the flesh of my sister to bide its time, unknowingly betrayed by the shadow cast by God's Light. But do I warn the family...or wait for the moment when It's most vulnerable?Rotter

Mom! PJ's starving the photosynthetic cat again!Ravecavy

"Note the SEXes hidden in the (ahem) bush outside, and Dolly's sexually-aroused male shadow, and the corner's lightly-etched scene of a topless woman fellating a horned and baker's-hatted devil, and..."--from Satan's Subliminal Circus: How Bil Keane Manipulates Your Mind toward Evil by Rev. Wilbur Q. Gridsworth (Pittsburgh: Kinko's, 1998), p.657.Dave Matthews

"The blinding light...a small grey being with no face...dead animals...anal probes...I'm starting to 'member everything...this is just like...like...Dad's birthday party!!!"B. L. Zabob

From the files of Cowles syndicate: - Original caption: The ancestral animal past; the menace of future generations; the glaring light of uncaring transcendance-- what is the answer? I fear there is none! - Cowles to Bil: A little long and dark, don't you think? - Second caption: The sun, the sun-- how it torments me, failing to light the inner darkness of my soul-- if indeed we have souls. - Cowles to Bil: I don't think we're communicating here. This is the funny pages, not Sweden. - Third caption: Fuck the world. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Ha ha! - Cowles to Jim Davis: Bil's having some creative block here-- can you fill in? - Published caption: I think sunlight is God smiling on us!Horselover Fat

Don't you hate it when you click on "Print in Grayscale" by accident?Opie

Prior to relying on Billy, Bil Keane tried out different guest artists for his "vacation" strips. Ingmar Bergman, Luis Buñuel and Edward Hopper all tried out for the position -- in the same panel.phil

"P.J. does a good Peter Lorre," thought KittyCat, "I suppose I'll kill him last."Bore

P.J. waited. Dolly's legs and Kittycat's face began to melt. The world slipped into three dimensions. He knew then he had scored some killer mescaline.Sean Q

Mommy, come quick! The zip-a-tone factory 'sploded!Lost in Erehwon

PJ sat in the warm sun, and thought to himself, "In a DFC world, one's soul is best served by keeping one's mouth shut."munkiman

The gang's big chance to be drawn by Edward Hopper is blown when Dolly keeps freaking out at the sight of the big creamy blonde brushing her hair in the nude.Rotter

How come Dolly's ubiquitous ponytail doesn't have a shadow? Is it a vampire?Larry Hastings

The psychic fern sighed as it approached the Keanes' house, penniless and dejected. Having failed miserably in the real world, and spent all its money gambling and on hookers, it had no choice but to return home.agm

"'I must be like the cat,' I thought. 'To blend with the shadows is nothing if one has not mastered the noiseless footstep.'" -- from The Littlest Ninja by "PJK."Shem


MOM!!! There are dark patches on the floor in our shapes! I'm scared!!!Gen. Sedgwick

First perspective, then shadow. Confusing at first, but then Dolly saw Bil and Prince Valiant in the bedroom.ThinkAndDo

Dammit, the commissioner's shining the Keane-signal right into my eyes again!agm

With only a sidelong glance, a young Alfred Hitchcock scares the living shit out of his older sister. He still has to work on scaring cats, though ...Riff

Hiroshima, Japan, December 7, 1942. Finally, a 'pull my finger' joke is destroyed before it can be released to terrorize the world. But at what cost?kyosuke

Even as a young boy, Oddjob was in charge of watching over Blofeld's cats. An Illustrated History of SPECTRE, by Rosa KlebPodbeing

This print, with its bleak use of blacks and greys, faceless male child, and representation of Dolly crying out in despair as she points off to some terror located beyond the panel's boundaries, was executed during the period of Bil's deepest depression, which scholars have traced back to his failure to find the remote.me, myself, I

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