DFC #364

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Love the look, Mom, but the Spice Girls aren't going to replace Ginger!"Heath

On this third Kennedy Family Remembered collectors' plate, John and little Caroline go clam digging so Jackie can make her famous chowder.Sean Q

Poor Mia Farrow can't seem to meet the right man.Alan Turing

"Considering it's the settling pond for a giant pig farm, it ain't a half bad place to camp!"Marky D. Sodd

Too cheap to buy a regular toupee, Bil is reduced to using Dolly to cover his bald spot.bobo

"No, Dad, no! Don't gaze into her eyes - you'll be turned into a mindless, spineless, shambling zombie! Oh, wait, never mind."M. D. Sodd

This is so cool! And if I stick the probe in this side of his brain, I can make him stand on one leg!bobo

I froze as Dolly lunged from the trees...it was as if time had stopped...Bil also froze as his feeble mind slowly put it all together...the camping trip, the extra life insurance, my subscription to Soldier of Fortune...then time started again, and I no longer had to wonder if I had the guts...the little banshee's piano wire had done its grisly job...Ricky Retardo

The whole concept of an erection is so unfamiliar to artist Bil Keane that here he draws it on the wrong side.Larry Hastings

Well, you'd be quivering too if you had a snapping turtle in the back of your shorts.Norm DePlume

Paparazzi finally verify the existence of Thel Keane's 2nd breast!Gen. Sedgwick

"...'Uh... nothing! We were just... out for a walk.' But either my lie was inconvincing or the fact that Bil's legs were still trembling with his recent ecstacy gave us away. The next morning, Thel was in restraints and divers were called in to search the pond for Bil's discarded member." -- from Who Says It's Not Natural by Dolly Keane-Keane.hangtownman

The Man Who Thought His Wife Was A Hat demonstrates beachwear.anon

"Well I'll be DAMNED! Look Bil, she really is being harassed by that little guy from the Underwood Deviled Ham cans! And all this time we thought it was the drugs talking."hangtownman

Gee Mom, long sleeves and a gut. Putting on some weight, or are you "shooting smack for two" now?Crackhead Jonny

In this historic cartoon, we note on Father's legs Keane's first use of body hair. His fascination with the subject grew in intensity over the following months, eventually leading to the loss of his NEA funding. -The Compleat Annotated Family Circus, by Prof. Geoffrey KeaneSean Q

Once again, Bil pays for trying to save a few bucks by vacationing at a Superfund site.hangtownman

Well, Doc, it all started as a wart on my ass... God, I love that one!Gen. Sedgwick

"...and we traded a bag full of grass for $25...and we saw some people wrestlin' naked...and we saw some really big guys buryin' another guy...and daddy dropped his pants in front of a group of people on a church retreat..." manny

The blood won't wash off an' so Bil knows he's damned to eternal torment. An' guess what? I caught a tadpole!Horselover Fat

I knew Jackie O. I shopped with Jackie O. I even did Marilyn Monroe with Jackie O. You're no Jackie O.NME--

"Long sleeves with shorts! Really, Mom! Why not just wear a sign that says 'Ask me about my needle tracks!'"Heath

Dolly was getting more and more impossible to deal with. She refused to let even one toe near the water and constantly berated her personal assistant if she didn't keep a perfumed, monogramed towel and her bag of "medicine" within her arms reach at all times...(excerpt from "Star Bitch: The Dolly Keane Story)yeltsin

Mom! There are alligatgors in this pond! Come on, Bil, show her your feet!Seagull

"I've been practicing that 'kill a man with your thighs' trick like in GoldenEye, but so far all I've done is make Daddy giggle."Desscribe

"Geez Thel, don't look so glum. We all know that within 2 hours you'll be contently sunning yourself blissed out on valium and vodka."Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

A typical day...daddy's up a creek, and you're left holdin' the bag...R.J.M.

"Gee mom you look very Betty Ford today."Crackhead Jonny

"Grizzlies, unlike deadbeat inebriate cartoonists, really will fight to protect their young to the death. Can I have Billy's room?" nine elle

Jackpot! We ran into a group of bikers for you; a cub-scout pack for Bil; a women's softball team for me; and a herd of mountain goats for Billy!Coyote

Well, the outfit is okay, but you need to stand closer to a hiking trail to get business.Coyote

"No go on the poaching trade. The rumoured Giant Panda turns out to have been you."nine elle

"Chilly water? Naah. He's just got the DTs."Who me?

"So, Mom.. how'd the little tryst with the Ranger go? Can we hunt now?"Iblis

"Good thing you're back, mom. Daddy's been wandering around the swamp all day chanting 'Kill the mall', but I don't see a mall around here.Eugene's a Nerd

Where are we? Between your obese, beer-bloated belly and a shirtless Bil, I'd have to say Hell.Coalcracker

Post-partum belly still sagging after four kids an' years of n'glect, but you've got 'tude like a herion chic supermodel --- you go, Mommy!Vice Pope Doug

Uncle Roy will catch up in a few minutes. Some grouchy lookin' men called him a twinkie, an' pointed a knife at Daddy, so Uncle Roy did that 'kido stuff, an' shoved the men's arms up each other's butts. But now he's cryin' 'cause he broke a nail. Can we have a Pepsi?Vice Pope Doug

Daddy's legs are numb from the diabetes -- so he didn't feel 'em swimmin' -- but I saw some real Piranhas!!Vice Pope Doug

A trout swammed up Daddy's swim trunks, but Uncle Roy choked it to death! I don't know why they acted so 'barassed when I snuck up -- I think Uncle Roy is a hero!Vice Pope Doug

As the car began morphing into a dog, Thel grew attractive, Jeffy shrunk, the dog swore at squirrels in Arabic and Dolly's head grew. Mescaline could be a little overpowering after two shots of NyQuil. Darth Vader, Lord of the Dance

Forgetting his shirt and his sunscreen, Bil uses his daughter to ward off harmful UV rays.agm

Thel, this is NOT Venice Beach and you're NOT going to get "discovered" here.Furr

"I have to get a new bathing suit every year. HE wears the same piss stained cutoffs for a decade. Where's the goddamn parity? And what's that brat shrieking about a bare behind....?"Furr

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