DFC #367

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Gallant tries hard to keep his tears from freezing to his face. Goofus is stuck to the oak tree in a frozen puddle of her own urine.bobo

Wow, that was some crash. Say, is that your tibia sticking out of the snow, or mine?Coalcracker

I appreciate you rushing down here, but I wasn't screaming in pain .......Walrus

With a mighty effort, Jeffy clenched his teeth as he dislocated his own arms, thus ensuring that his "accident" story would be accepted at face value. Painful, true, but the perfect murder was worth it.Desscribe (salvaging)

And you said Nuclear Winter wouldn't be any fun!Mr. ?

"It was the sled accident that eventually broke my husband financially. My son's amputated arm was covered, but every time we tried to claim a broken neck the adjuster just laughed" - Thelma Keane - MemoirsDelsyn

Crap. This is how I got Dutch Elm disease last winter....Pastor of Muppets

Who wants to hump a tree? Knot me!Pastor of Muppets

Note to self: that old "hyper-extend your legs and go right over the tree" trick only works for television cartoon characters.Sean Q

"Dammit, they dropped us in the snow next to a wreck, and you have liquor on your breath! We can't even convince Whitley Streiber now!"phil

Jeffy, I know that you're in a lot of pain right now, but if you had signed up for Colonial Valley's term insurance, you'd have a cool 5 grand for that amputated arm of yours. Isn't worth the mere pennies a day for the peace of mind you'll be leaving your loved ones?bobo

Nope, didn't work. Let's try that herring the Knights Who Say Ni gave us.Namgubed the Merry Elf (it!)

Crashing in the snow, with a dumbshit on a sled, cursing as we go, we're sure to end up dead...R.J.M.

What do you mean, "Nice steering job"? I thought you were steering!Sean Q

So you're bleeding from the eyes, big deal. You should see what happens to me every morning when Mom pulls my hair into this damn ponytail.PlaneJane

So, What have we learned? I learned not to use lit farts to propel a sled. You?Mr. Mister

"Okay, so if it's not your arm and it's not one of mine, whose is it?"TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

Man, my crotch hasn't hurt this much since the Nimitz was last in port.Bubba

"Thanks a lot for guiding us around the tree, Grandpa," Dolly said sarcastically. "See you in hell."Run TCB

It was a moment of transcendent realization and sexual awakening for young J. G. Ballard.Shem

Y'know sumthin', bro? If ya ask me, that " Citizen Kane " dude really wasn't missing out on much...Doc Evil

Christ we're still alive..let's try it again only this time we start father up the hill.Opie

"Tell me the truth. Did I actually just knock one of my nostrils onto my forehead?"TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

Stop bitching. We're not camping anymore, are we?Horselover Fat

My insurance?!? What about your insurance? It was your fault!Ratman

Dolly unfortunately didn't survive this incident... but her mispronunciation of "telescoped spine entering my brain cavity" was one of the most adorable ever!Horselover Fat

Mere yards from the fence, a quick-eyed guard shoots Dolly in the ass, foiling yet another escape attempt.Westur the Unspeakable

"This was no accident. Look at that runner. Someone wanted us dead." Crazy Climber

Well no WONDER I was constipated! Let me tell ya, for your own good, don't eat raw acorns, okay?Kal

Hell yes it hurts....but it's a good kind of hurt, ya know?Opie

You can go on home, I think I'll just stay here for a while longer...Only God can make a tree.

I'd say something cute and funny, but I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!Riff

It's not "eye juice", you little mongoloid, it's called aqueous humor, and no, we can't put it back in.Kublai Kevin

Your metaphysical chit-chat was lousy, and your takeoff from the cliff was sub-par. No question about it: you're a sorry-ass substitute for Calvin.Smokey

Two fucking pieces of terrain on the whole hill and you have to steer us right into one. Nice driving, Bullitt!Kublai Kevin

Stop looking at me like that! The horses just aren't big enough anymore!J. Wally Thompson

"Rosebusd" this! "Rosebud" that! Dammit, Orson, you'll never amount to anything!Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

Okay, this gives us an excuse to tell the cops why you had a bloody nose, Jeffy. Too bad Dad managed to get that one punch in before we waxed him with the fireplace poker.Cadillac Man

Let's get this straight right now. Cracks about having a big one between my legs will make your current injuries look minor.Peon

Do you wanna go back and scrape P.J. off the tree, or should I?TBone's House O' Screamin' Weasels!!

Don't even THINK about blaming this one on Not Me, you uncoordinated loser.agm

Face it, Jeffy, this damn Kennedy obsession has GOT to stop.Gen. Sedgwick

"It's not that bad, really -- the stirrups thingies are kinda fun. It's the scraping tool that's really uncomfortable."Stealth

See that big groove in the snow behind us, Jeff? That's your ass flab dragging on the ground. Time for another Tofu-&-Roy diet!agm

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