DFC #368

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Dolly unwittingly channels Ms. Pac-Man, earning thousands of points by consuming the bonus melons!Namgubed the Merry Elf (ahem)

Yep, she's going on vacation again. Something about Hagar the Horrible's wife summering in Oslo and him feeling lonely.Coalcracker

Silently, PJ crept up behind the unsuspecting Jeffy. As his hand tightened on the end of his Fisher-Price Lil' Garrote he knew he would not fail. Once word of this got out, no one would dare to miss a payment to Billy.hangtownman

"Years of torment finally took their toll on Dolly. One day she just pulled her panties down to her ankles and chanted, 'The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog...' Christ, it was so pathetic I almost forgot to laugh."--from "Waist 34, Inseam 13, The Corpulent Years." Jeffy Simmons-Keane.Coyote

"Uh, oh. She's lookin' that way at the baby clothes again. You go down an' kick Daddy in the balls. I'll start sneakin' the saltpeter into his food again. An' watch your aim. The last time you missed, an' we wound up with PJ.Naugahyde

"Yeah, you're right, she's cleaning again. Dammit, that's 10 bucks I owe you."Muskrat On Speed

See? No reflection, just like I told you. You got the stake?Gen. Sedgwick

Thel waved her hand quickly, sending her mirror-servant to whence it came. Had the children seen?The Darker Side of Life

"I think she's makin' a nest to have another litter of babies in. I seen it on the Discovery Channel." Shem

During my later years I could be especially cruel. In one panel I erased everything on the floor as "my share of the housework", then made Thel clean the rest by hand, while I drank shooters just outside the circle. For kicks I drew Dolly's ponytail so tight she looked like a jammed Pez dispenser. The sycophantic "Jefferace" was an afterthought.--an excerpt from An Endless Circle by Bil Keanemj

"In this room, we have the Goose-Necked Gutter Slut. Indigenous to Australia, this female was imported to America for breeding. Here we see it tidying its nest in a rare moment of activity."Sean Q

For the love of God, Mom, would your hurry up and find Jeffy a shirt already? That cheap-ass bandage isn't doing much to hide his needle marks, and his third nipple is really starting to give me the creeps.bobo

56 hours straight, a new record. Did anyone remember to write down the formula this time?Yakko

Just keep cleaning; there's nothing dysfunctional going on out here. No siree, nothing dysfunctional at all.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"God DAMN," thought Jeffy, "will you look at the size of the mouth on that girl? I bet I could fit two, maybe three tennis balls in there."hangtownman

"Mommmmm! Please come home and do our laundry!" Crazy Climber

Is it just me, or has Mom been a bit... remote since we moved to Stepford?Gen. Sedgwick

Wow. I bet the bedroom hasn't seen that much action in weeks!Nethicus

Why is it every time the cable guy comes over for a service call, you clean your bedroom?R.J.M.

Wowsers! Mom's actually cleaning out th' guest room! That can mean only ONE thing: Shatner's in town!!!Doc Evil

Nobody ever did figure out how Dolly managed to projectile vomit up to 30 feet away, but it sure made cleaning more interesting. Mr. ?

This is dad's other unfulfilled Thel fantasy.mj

She said Dad needs our underwear. He's goin' through 'nother episode.Hotentot goes to Hollywood

Oh, for Chrissakes, the only place Waldo can be is somewhere in the book!Gen. Sedgwick

Give it up, Thel. No matter how much you clean, give us two minutes and it'll look like the set of Twister again.PixelHacker

"He says anything in a pink or purple satin is fine by him. ...How long do we have to take care of this Liberace kid, anyway?"Generik

She's in position, PJ. Blow the dresser!Nethicus

Hey Ma! When did P.J. go Amish?Doc Evil

"Mommy, you're violating the integrity of Jeffy's interior design!"Krazy Llama

We'll tell you where we've hidden your birth-control pills after you agree to publish Jeffy's manifesto!Kublai Kevin

"See, I told you! The tentacle-like arms, inhumanly thin neck, elongated feet.... When she doesn't think we're looking, she reverts to her alien form."Raven

"Can we look at Daddy's photo album of war 'trocities again?"Horror-zontal Hold

"Nah, Jeffy. I bet she didn't have a life when she was single either."Heath

Jeffy hoped that SOMEONE would notice the chic lepoard-skin trim he had painstakingly sewed onto his sweater.Horror-zontal Hold

There's really no point in getting rid of Daddy's '70s clothes, Mom - he'll just draw more.Riff

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