DFC #369

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I don't care what you learned from Kittycat, that is NOT the proper way to wipe your butt!Mr. ?

Dolly got a nasty surprise when she returned to the kitchen. Jeffy had somehow managed to disengage the latch and escape, a little blueness around the lips the only sign of his exposure to the gas.Galahad

"Aw, man! How can I get uncorrupted data if you keep eating my experiments?"phonsux

While Dolly's projectile vomiting wasn't highly rated for distance or volume, for sheer accuracy in aiming there was none better.Dingo Floyd

"Chateau Margeaux '61 with RAT? JESUS!"Randall

He wasn't bad at all, huh? Still, I liked his Lucky Charms better.Namgubed the Merry Elf (3rd x's a charm!)

Somedays, the only food we could get was from the life-size Dolly PEZ dispenser.Yakko

You fool! The Anarchist's Cookbook isn't really a cookbook!Mr. ?

Another failed attempt at Family Circus merchandising--the "Easy Bake Meth Lab".Coyote

Is there enough eye of newt now?Mr. ?

"Well, we called Dr. Cuthbertson, but all he did was thank us for sparing him the trouble of an autopsy."Sean Q

"I cook you a lovely, multi-course dinner while wearing a skimpy little french maid's outfit and winking suggestively, and do you even notice? NO! You just belt it all down and get back to the booze and pornos. WHAT IS IT YOU WANT THAT I DON'T HAVE?!"Magus

It's a figure of speech, you moron -- "turf" means a steak! So what the hell did you eat as "surf"?Gen. Sedgwick

Oh sure it LOOKS good...but black tar heroin isn't really a snack, jeffy.PJ Keane is a Homo

Squatting before you finish chewing? Considering what I used for the chocolate, good call.Gen. Sedgwick

Vell, Jeffy...you see, between ze miscellaneous phallic objects -- zee rolling pin, for exzample -- unt my arsenal of...eenteresteeng zubstances...to bake into zee food zupplies...vell, let's just say zat ve haff vays of making you talk.Jamey Powell

First word... sounds like... EW! GROSS! Last time I play with you!Gen. Sedgwick

Dolly's superhero career as "Halitosis Girl" would be short lived - her Arch-nemesis, Pudding-Boy, had no sense of smell.Westur the Unspeakable

After the fifth exchange Jeffy's snowball started to lose viscosityBrad Popsiclestick

What? Again? Can't you get it straight, you little tree weasel? You eat hash brownies, you sniff airplane glue.bobo

"You twit! Panel #355 was in there! This is just too weird."Heath

Jeffy using the doggie door is kinda cute but hogging the Gravy Train is just plain freaky.Opie

"We'll never avenge Uncle Tim if you keep eating all the fertilizer."nine elle

Wow. You really would rather bite off your own thumb than eat my cooking.Fully Poseable

Her mouth expanded to five times its normal size (allowing waves of bats to escape) as Dolly screeched dirty limericks at me in a variety of Slavic languages. Maybe that wasn't oregeno, went one of my last coherent thoughts before her face melted, but whatever it was, I think I like it.Pete B.

While the "Shrieking Harridan Dolly" figure's sales were lackluster, and the "Keane Kitchen" set flopped completely, everyone was surprised by the continuing popularity of the "Squatting Jeffy" series of action figures.Peon

Don't just clam up! Tell me how you're feeling! Any tingling of the lips? Can you still see color? If you left for work now, would you make it to the highway before slumping over?Rotter

Dolly realized Jeffy's nicotine addiction had become a problem when she found him huddled in the kitchen with a cigar, a pipe, a pack of Lucky Strikes, a mouthful of chaw, and 25 Nicoderm patches stuck to his ass.bandit

"AAUUGGHH!! Your lipstick doesn't match your eyeshadow!"Stealth

Dolly hid a smirk as she pretended to berate Jeffy. Apparently a little sugar CAN mask the taste of D-Con, antifreeze, isopropyl alcohol, and lye, she thought to herself gleefullyCadillac Man

Wow! You really are the Skoal Bandit! How many tins did you manage to pack in there?ColBleep

WOW! So THAT'S a shit-eating grin...R.J.M.

Cut! Can we do something about this kid's 5 o'clock shadow?Riff

Of course It's gooey, you dink! It's cooked by th' heat of a 20 watt bulb!Doc Evil

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