DFC #374

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Jeffy unwittingly channels Jerry Falwell: "Re-paint, you thinner!"Namgubed the Merry Elf

There! It's your turn in our vomiting for distance contest.Mr. Ben McClellan

"You realize, don't you, that Bil can draw this shit any color he wants to. He just hires you cause he likes having someone around to feel superior to."Darth Tigger

"Man, Dolly, you need to take a whiff-- these fumes are great! I'm seeing a glowing eyeball staring at me from his cheek!"Wabewalker

We don't mean to stare mister...but that undeveloped twin protruding from your cheek is kinda creepy.Opie

Saaay, is that paint flammable? Mr. ?

Could you do my room in a H. R. Giger motif?NME--

Lead-based paint doesn't hurt you. Yeah, right. That's what Bil told us about cigarettes 30 years ago, and just look at us.Coalcracker

" Naughty naughty noo nooo! " From the new PBS program Melontubbies...Doc Evil

Aladdin, after divorcing Jasmine and losing the kingdom, paints suburban second floors with the aid of Carpet.Lots42 (Pic#374!]

"Whatever you do, don't look under the tarp. Trust me."Lloyd Dobler

"For years, Larry scoffed at such simple safety precautions as proper ventilation, safety goggles, and gloves. Now he knows better. Don't allow your children to pay for your carelessness with a lifetime of genetic sorrow." -- OSHA safety campaign, 1986hangtownman

"Naw, you have to leave the 'height lines' in. State law requires them in 7-11's, the Keane house, and other high crime areas."hangtownman

"We're relaying a message from Bil. 'Do ya think you can get SOME of it on the fuckin' house?!' Thanks, mister."Tillman

"No, my man, no. Dig it, you use brushes or sticks, but only squares use one of each for their solos." Crazy Climber

"C'mon! Show us the happy little trees!"Heath

Hi, we're two Amish children. Got any PCP?anon

Well, now I can add another profession I wouldn't be caught dead doing...R.J.M.

I betcha wished you hadn't dropped out of college now...huh?R.J.M.

"Your partner fell off the roof and broke his neck, and he's unconscious, so you'd better call 911. But use the neighbor's phone, 'cause I'm downloading Quake."Heath

"She so horny--she love you long time. Twenty dollars American."Larry Hastings

"Your right, Dolly, the last time we had the house painted was four years ago. But I still say I look more like Mom's therapist."hangtownman

In Honey I Shrunk the Kids and the Painter, the title characters make their plight known by painting the Munchkinland theme on some blank sheet music.Ken

How good are you at say, painting cartoons in small circles?Mr. ?

Excuse me, Mr Pollack, but could you just paint the house? Go express yourself on your own house.Marlboro

"...so with ordinary paint supplies you can make tar heroin? Cool!"Jeffrey

Admiring his own ability to keep a straight face, Herb allowed the little pests to lick the 'batter' off the stir stick.lefty

Keane drew this panel after overhearing something about the resurging popularity of splatter films.Gen. Sedgwick

My Dad says that what you lower class types lack in imagination, you make up in sheer savage animal lust-- would you say that's true?Horselover Fat

"Love how Bil wrote 'Paint' on your cap, so everyone'd like totally get you're a painter, if they couldn't get it already from your appearance. Which is pretty likely. Their not getting it. His fans aren't exactly superbrains, don'tcha know. Yup.......So, didja see Midnight Blue last night?"Dave Matthews

"You seen the Shroud of Turin anywh...uh, never mind."Dave Matthews

Hi. We're looking for a new father figure. You appear to be the least dangerous individual within a 2-mile radius. Want the job?Darth Vader, Lord of the Dance

Gee Mister, that's a fine job you're doing, but aren't you supposed to be painting OUR house.Dr. Nick

Paint us next!Dr. Nick

"... An' then he started screamin', and Daddy pulled the trigger, and we had to move 'cause of those mean FBI men. Anyway, is your mommy gonna yell at you for getting all dirty?"Magus

"The last one of you guys that came here's still in the basement."Magus

"For ten bucks, we'll tell you which window is Mom's and we'll tell her she has a phone call after she gets in the shower."hangtownman

What the HELL are you doing??? You're grounded!anon

The children react to meeting a man who works to support his family.zen

No no no no! You're supposed to SNIFF the paint, not wear itJeff

Hey, Michelangelo, Mommy wanted me to remind you that you're painting a suburbian house, not the goddamn Sistine Chapel. Now lose the the "Creation" by the upstairs bathroom.munkiman

After standing at the base of the ladder for six hours, they finally wear down the painter's will and he regurgitates his Slim Jim to feed to poor bastards.munkiman

Give it up Mr. President. If you're going to go incognito to bone my mom you should remember to lose your Secret Service guards.munkiman

My daddy says that all Union scum are lazy and slow. Mr. ?

"Yeah? Well, I'm going to become a business major so I can be YOUR BOSS with half the education you have! How do you like THAT?"Paul T. Riddell

Having the kids sing to the contractors from the Broadway hit "Annie" insured that the Keane's remodeling job got done on time.planejane

Gunh....GUNH GUNNNH GUUUUNHHHHH! - Autistic CircusThe Boy (Who's going to Hell for this caption)

Yes, we know eating lead paint will damage our brains and dull our perceptions, leaving us emotionally numb and unable to percieve our surroundings. So start spooning it in, man!Stefan Jones

When I grow up, will I be a failure like you?Doc Evil

" I need to get away from these fumes. " Thought Drake, " The Lawn Gnomes have started talking to me again! "Doc Evil

"Bleach? Nah. The best way to get human entrails out of white cloth is with soap and water."Magus

Daddy's a little short on cash right now, so he offered us up as your down payment.NATE

For starters, you have a lousy stroking motion, you complain that you need more men on the job yet it didn't last more than three minutes and you've dribbled all over your clothes. Oh, yeah, and you can't paint worth a damn either.bobo

You know nothing about light or shadow or redefining space or texture or composition...your technique is so brutish and trite it torments me....and you dare to call yourself a painter. Opie

"You realize that's a can of Price Club spaghetti sauce, right? Or are you too stoned?"DoomTrout

"Give me ten bucks or I"m going to pull the ladder away from the wall when you're up on it!"Qbert

Just between you and me...don't take a check.Rotter

Please Vinnie, for the love of god, we're broke and we're jonesing hard. Just front us the smack, I swear we'll pay you on allowance day.Lou Reed

You don't have to paint the strip this sunday, we're being replaced by some Burger King coupons.Otis

"Look, Mr. Back-To-The-Future, I don't care how happy you are to be outta this strip and 40 years older -- we gotta have a PJ, and that's you."Stealth

How much for a quart of paint thinner? The *good* stuff, none of that crap that just gives you a headache.Par

Just two Keane kids can strip a grown man to bones in under 5 seconds.The Gecko Man

"Oh, don't mind us. We're just trying to figure out how that 'Fuck' on your cap got past Cowles..."Desscribe

Mommy wants to know if you can paint yourself black all over ?Bill Clark

"It's no use. Paint don't take on our white-ass house."M

Sorry about that...I could never remember that "beer before liquor" thing...I guess I know now.Opie

"Can you come nex' door an' bring your ladder? We launched P.J. offa th' hammock an' he landed in th' Wilson's storm gutter."Sean Q

We're taking the cost of that blunt out of yer wages, handyman.Bob Marley's Ghost

"Whatcha staring at, pal? Never seen a Weeble before?"Shem

"You're not supposed to pull her finger that hard."Bore

When I make a mess like that, my mommy spanks me. Now don't you wish you were me?Gen. Sedgwick

Would it be presumtuous of me to suggest actually putting the paint on the house, sir?mothy

Okay, so the paint is gray and the wall is still white. Now what exactly is it you've been doing at our house all day?Gen. Sedgwick

Would you say you're more of a bear, or a twink?Andrew Hime

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