DFC #375

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"When this baby's finished, we're a lock to get in the Guiness Book for 'World's Largest Game of Ker-Plunk'!"hangtownman

I'm sure this is going to be a swell corral....but why do you want to raise just one sheep for?Opie

"Mom, the barricade's almost done, how're you comin' wit' th' boiling oil? Man, this is gonna be t'e best standoff ever!"Sean Q

Build a playset and they will come. - advice from Pedophile MonthlyMerlisk

Oh, believe me, thought Bil, I can hardly wait to test the catapult too!!!Gen. Sedgwick

I give up, Dad -- how many dimbulbs does it take to screw in a pole?Gen. Sedgwick

DFC Fun Fact #93: For a brief stretch in 1964-65 Bil Keane was obsessed with the works of Piet Mondrian.Gen. Sedgwick

Y'know, Dad, Mom said you'd never get this up either.Joe Z

You're right...the percodan DOES make this a lot more fun!R.J.M.

"Won't Mom be surprised to find out we sold her dryer and bought six cases of Stoli and this kickass clothesline!"Heath

OSHA rejected the Jeffy-Kebab workplace safety poster as being "just too fucking gross."Peon

As soon as the cage was completed Bil would be able to move Thel from the cramped dank cell in the basement. Out here in the yard she could get plenty of fresh air and sunshine while still being completly confined. Bil wondered how he had ever gotten along before joining Promise Keepers. Opie (for lefty)

Billy and Dolly were having a grand old time stimulating their genitals. Jeffy was a bit unclear on the subject.Stealth

Well, don't look at me! It's the state that keeps replacing these "Sexual Predator Alert" billboards on our lawn each week.bobo

Jimmy Carter called. He says homeless people would rather live in packing crates and for us never to contact Habitat for Humanity again.AKB

"I don't think this is what the syndicate meant by 'more structured panels,' Bil."Lloyd Dobler

Oh, sure, it amused the other children. But Bil knew that whenever Billy started "goin' ape," things could only end in a public display of shit-and-banana-smeared nudity.Lloyd Dobler

"Don't get mad at me just because you have to rebuild the garage...you should have known better than to have an open flame in a Meth Lab."The Unmasked Revenger

Four guys, one girl, three quivering, stiff poles...This reminds me of that video-tape you have of Mommy hidden in your closet!Opie

Wow! So now mom can practice her 'xotic dancing at home!isicoworkn

"These are really the best seats for watching lightening storms, huh, Dad?"Lloyd Dobler

"Hey daddy, is this like the stupid fucking pole you work for?"HasNoName

"Look at that poor little bastard." thought Bil "Now he thinks he's some sort of pole vault master...maybe I should tell him everybody gets a trophy in the Special Olympics."Opie

Daddy, what's a "Viet Cong Tiger Cage" and why was Uncle Roy so excited when you told him you were finally going to build one?Opie

An utter failure at light-hearted family cartooning, Bil Keane tries his hand at gallows humor.Sean Q (groan)

Girl (A) steps on board (B) lifting baby (C) causing brother (D) to start spinning and kick pole (E) into the air landing on head of father (F) who will drop tool (G) onto foot (H), causing him to angrily kick vertical pole (I) causing entire structure (J) to collapse, as oldest child (K) lands on metal door (L). His screams awaken mother (M) from valium-induced stupor, and thinking it's 7:00 AM, she turns on the Coffee (N). -- Bil Keane: Goldberg was just a RubeKen

Woo-hoo! When we finish this giant tuning fork and extort the UN with it, they're not gonna call me a "predestined drunken fuck like your dad" anymore! That'll show those teachers!HasNoName

You really think putting the heads of the mailman, milkman and pool boy on these stakes will really scare off all those other guys? Someone's been reading Lord of the Flies again, hasn't he?Andrea

"Wow! Our house is LOTS more fun since Mommy torched it and ran off with the pool guy!"Deacon

Okay, fine...you build it, and they come...my question is, what the hell are you going to do when they finally get here?!?--a scene from Field of KeanesR.J.M.

Tell Jeffy to get off the middle cross...you said I get to be Jesus!R.J.M.

Bil later thought that probably should have waited until AFTER the rotisserie pit was finished to spit his children, but Jeffy always was a whiner and he couldn't recall having had this much fun in years!Delsyn@MSN.com

After years of working in a circle, Bil made a misguided and unsuccessful attempt to build a square.JohnBoy

Due to a sudden illness, the part of P.J. Keane will be played by a Cabbage Patch Kid...Doc Evil

Holy Jeez! Now I see why Barfy likes table legs so much!!Vice Pope Doug

The Five of Wands: This card symbolizes conflict, disagreement, and the desire to slap your mewling progeny so hard they lose a nostril.L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg

So this is a "cloudbuster," huh? Say, any chance they'll drag you away like they did Reich?L. Fitzgerald Sjöberg

"Build it faster, Daddy, build it faster! What's a 'gallows', anyway? Huh? Huh? Build it faster, Daddy!"Klaus

The assembly of Dolly's new tricycle was not going well.Westur the Unspeakable

"'A cigar is just a cigar', my ass! How long you been putting in homoerotic subtext, Bil?"Thomas Wilde

"Nice try, Dad, but it'll take a lot more than that to crucify us." Crazy Climber

It was a good thing the children could not yet read -- Bil could leave his copy of Vlad the Impaler's Guide to Child Rearing open to the appropriate diagrams while he worked.Lloyd Dobler

Is it really any surprise that, of the four kids, only PJ is capable of understanding the concept of 'The Limbo'?hangtownman

"So when the Mormon missionaries stop by, how are we going to get them tied to the stakes for the burning?"Lloyd Dobler

Must ... not ... submit ... phallic object ... caption!me, myself, I

"Hey, Dad! I've got a long, stiff, pulsing pole between my legs. Guess that puts me one up on you, huh?"hangtownman

"Hot Damn, I've always wanted a back-yard jungle-gym. You're the greatest, Dad! Now hurry up and get this baby apart, the Browns will be home any minute. "hangtownman

Both the children and Bil were estatic - once they got Thel dressed in her go-go girl outfit and tricked her into the cage, this would be the best summer ever!Westur the Unspeakable

"Ritually impaling Jeffy may appease some of the household gods and keep the new outhouse from collapsing, like the others. But what about the darker, earth-bound powers? I say we give 'em P.J., too."me, myself, I

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