DFC #379

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hey buddy, Herb Alpert from the Tiajuana Brass called! He wants his outfit back! heh heh...aw, you guys wouldn't know funny if it bit you in the ass.agent 99

I know this is Furr's, but I have a hard time believing that a hamburger here is called a Furrburger!R.J.M.

"If there is even so much as a hint of anchovy in that Greek salad, I'm not responsible for what I do to your froggy ass."snackwhore

"So, what's it like being an under-educated, pathetic, working-class shmoe who can only pretend, and poorly at that, to have the tiniest ounce of class?"Magus

"Non, Dollée would not like pommes frites with that." Heath

"Christ!" thought Henry, "Doesn't anybody leave cash tips anymore?"hangtownman

Just because I eat the hamburgers, doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at you for having weaned me.Dan Jones

"Now this is what I call a full service gas station!"hangtownman

While Dolly discussed Sartre with the waiter, Thel amused herself by bobbing up and down like one of those glass birds with the top hats she'd seen in the novelty shop.Lloyd Dobler

"Say. Didn't you work as a broom salesman a few hundred captions ago?"RipperJak

Hey! I loved yer movies, man! What's Chong doin' these days?Doc Evil

"Listen, pal - you've got a post-menopausal hypoglycemic and a hyperactive 8-year-old. Get the fucking dessert tray over here NOW!"Westur the Unspeakable

*sniff?* Here's a little tip, Armando: Deorderant after bathing, not instead of!Doc Evil

"Look...just because you wear a bow tie and act snooty doesn't mean we're not still at Denny's....so just cut the crap and give us the check, okay?"anon

Waiter, there's a hair in my paté... and vice versa.Namgubed the Merry Elf

The waiter enveloped Thel's attention. Such shiny buttons! she thought.Lloyd Dobler

"Oh, the chef wants to know why I'm sending my meal back? Well you tell Escoffier that when I say I want my sammich cut in half diagonally, that means corner to frickin' corner, okay?"Lloyd Dobler

"Yeah, well, if you wanted to get into the hottest sorority on campus, you'd wear hot dogs on your head and eat this swill too!" Crazy Climber

Lose the bow-tie, waiter-boy, this is only the Chateau Le McDonalds...R.J.M.

Jeez, this is a small town! You just pumped gas in our car 15 minutes ago!Opie

No way am I eating anything served here! I just saw a sign in the restroom that said "Employees must use toilet paper"!Opie

I don't know what the fuck that is; we ordered a bottle of Stoli and all the fucking curly fries in this dump!T.F.W.O.

We are not now, nor have we ever been members of the Communist Party. Now give us our fucking food. Jesus Christ I hate the 50's.Yakko

So what if my elbow's on the table, smeghead? At least MY fly is zipped!Doc Evil

And we, sir, are anything but 'reserved', so I suggest you remove that insulting little sign.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"My mom wouldn't know a Valium from an 8-ball. Ya wanna deal, ya talk to me."Stealth

Mommy, why do the French always look like something smells bad?asdf

August 28, 1964: Walt Disney sneaks on to the set, and departs content in the knowledge that Keane will pose no long-term threat to his empire.Sean Q

Actually, I do have one question. If you guys eat snails and revere Jerry Lewis, does that mean Bil's work would be respected over there?Coalcracker

I knew I recognized you from somewhere! You're that brow-beaten stock character from that hack WORD JUMBLE. Here's a little something to make you feel more at home - CFKU OUY, ESOHASL.The Artist Formerly Know As Nick

I've just realized that my hopes that the meat has been cooked enough to kill ecoli, rests entirely on the shoulders of someone who can't get a real job...R.J.M.

"Garçon? I believe the b'eurve d'arachide et sandwich à gelée was to be sans crust. Take that away."Sean Q (thanx to Alta Vista)

Dolly's version of the fake orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally was always a hit at the corner diner.Westur the Unspeakable

Now hold on a minute. Just 'cause I pronounce it like it's got piss in it doesn't mean I really want piss in it.Gen. Sedgwick

"Thrilled to meet you too, asswipe. Now leave the grub and go piss in someone else's iced tea or something."Stealth

Hey sport, In case you can't tell by the way my mom is staring, your fly is open.lefty

Why, yes, we ARE the new techno-rave sensation, "Women With Funky Hats."Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Employee of the Month," eh? Mind explaining that to my empty Bloody Mary glass?Smokey

"Jesus, Hooters really went to pot since they started letting men wait tables."tv's Spatch

I'm not eating this shit. Andy Rooney says never trust a bald barber or a waiter with no lower mandible.munkiman

Much like a dowsing stick, Thel's breast always could find water.Lots42

Her outfit? Mommy decided as long as she's married to a drunk, womanizing, guy with half a brain in his head, she might as well dress like Jackie O.Andrea

Yes, I had the flaming goat entrails.Livin' In Deep 13

Wait a second...if the tampon's on my head, then what the hell's in my...anon

Aren't you supposed to be waiting for a Maytag to break down?kyosuke

Dolly stared at the Harley-Davidson tattoo on the waiter's bicep, and instantly realized she had found her true love.agm

"So sorry, but she'll not be having anything, the misbehaving little tart."Stealth

"Recommend whatever goddamned wine you want -- I said Thunderbird and I want Thunderbird." Crazy Climber

Norman Rockwell's Spoiled Bitch.M

What was the big idea behind that "YMCA" song, anyway? And what's that Indian guy doing these days?Elkman

Aww geez Ma! Marinated canelloni in black endive sauce spiced in tarragon and chives served with mature Normadian escargots and hollowed artichoke hearts...AGAIN?!?Dan Jones

"The pancake has a nice feel, but it's so-o-o last week! Any other food hats, Pierre?"Mr2001

"We really hate men. Today we killed four of 'em, and our bloodlust isn't yet sated. So you better make damn sure that sandwich has no mayo."Mr2001

"Not many people do know that Dr. Scholl's Odor Eaters can also block the radiation from the CIA orbital mind control lasers, if you wear them the right way."Shem

So if you're the Waiter and the Driver, Who the fuck is steering this bus?Radio Show

"Hey, I remember you! You were sitting behind me at church that one time when we got you kicked out. Then, you were selling brooms door-to-door until we got you fired. Then, you were over at our place giving legal advice until we got you disbarred. Then....The Dog

Bet you wish you'd majored in something more practical than philosophy now, huh?Tom Geller

Although her attempt was noble, Dolly would need much more than an eggplant on her head before she would have the allure of Carmen Miranda.The Dog

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to eat anything I can properly pronounce."The Dog

Case study #48: The Girl Who Mistook Her Lunch for a Hat.Desscribe (sorry 'bout that)

That's right, fucko, I said "psghetti". Whatsa da matta? No speaka da English?Buoy

Jesus, even the CBS cafeteria is lame!Gen. Sedgwick

Because Kotex pays my dad hard cash for product placement, and we can't bloody well show it where it's supposed to go, can we?Gen. Sedgwick

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