DFC #382

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Hate to burst your bubble, Dad, but that Boner's Ark strip isn't what you're thinking." Crazy Climber

"Yo, two words, 'Don Johnson': Odor Eaters!"Daniel M. Laenker (I'm tryin'...)

"I still don't get it. Why do we have crop circles burned into our RUG?"wrong hero

I don't know about you Dad. This deck play isn't getting me into a frenzy!Joe Z

The well-trained Billy prepares to regurgitate the 14th and final packet of brown heroin smuggled through customsThe Lesser Gatsby

Do you know the Marfan man, the Marfan man, the Marfan man...R.J.M.(arfan)

They're Pop-Tarts, I'm trying to summon the Pillsbury Doughboy.The Most Rev. HolyOley

I've evolved past naturalism, Bil-- I'm going to be doing the panel in pure geometric abstraction. The content's going to be a little more now, too, a little more political, OK? Also, "by Billy age 8" is out; from now on it's "by BkeanE", capital B and E, got that?Horselover Fat

Wheeeeeeeel... wheeeee... oinnnnnnnk... oinnnnnnk ....wheeeee ...wheeeee! an then Burt Reynolds shot the toothless guy with an arrow! It was the swellest movie ever!Opie

"Hey! Who stole the limited edition pack of Natural-Feel Sheik Double Ribbed-For-Her-Pleasure from my collection?"Yoda Warshawski

The circular configuration of the cards represents the subject's feelings about his life. The lone card in the center represents the subject, as he perceives himself. The subject is a perceptive young man, and he made these discoveries quite on his own. In his fragile state, the discovery brought such a flood of emotion that he sustained a scream for 73 straight hours. This is truly a remarkable case. - Notes on William Keane Jr.Dr. Snackwhore

The oversize feet shown in this image clearly identify it as a promo shot from Keane's failed 50's sitcom "My Favorite Marfan".hangtownman

Billy worked feverishly to solve the mystery of multi-panel formats in time for his day "at pen." Bil remained oblivious. Any format good enough for Heathcliff and Ziggy was good enough for him, dammit.Lloyd Dobler

Mom! The dotted line's chasing itself. What do I do now?Peon

Well, I've smooshed these brownies into the carpet. If that doesn't take attention away from my geeky sweater, I don't know what will!Mike Smith

Next on Billy and Jeffy's Excellent Adventure, the boys convince Abraham Lincoln to babysit, and to give his theater tickets to Bil and Thel.Sean Q

"Mom was right! You're not playing with a full deck!"Heath

...so while I tread water in the middle with the sparklers, you and the rest of the fellas in the circle backstroke away from me and th....Hey! Where are you going!?! Sometimes, Jeffy, I don't think you take this synchronized swimming seriously!Opie

Billy found it easier to troubleshoot Token Ring network problems using 3-D models.anon

For the sotware company interview, the best Billy could do was make a rectum diagram with calculators. " Yes," said the interviewer. " but have you ever worked with anything...hi-tech?"Trevita

...so then they swim upstream, surround the egg and... Hey! Come back! I'm not done yet!Nethicus

Here at the DFC, we care about the environment. So, today's caption is 100% recycled material. "Riiicolaaaaa!"The Dog

Looks like Louie the Lizard isn't the only one still bitter about failing at the Budweiser auditions.Gen. Sedgwick

Will you quit chuckling with satisfaction at your own strip and get your egotistical ass down here?Gen. Sedgwick

"I'll never forget the time Billy got a copy of 101 Soliatare Games for his birthday. I gave him a deck of cards with no aces." -- Thelma Keane, Guilty Pleasures.Westur the Unspeakable

"Is it, ummmm, September 8? Dammit!" Work on Billy's Melonhenge project progressed slowly.Sean Q

I hope this diagram helps to explain why Mom is sexually frustrated.NME--

"Sure, you may laugh at me now...but one day, this will be the logo for a major Canadian graphics software company."Seagull

Okay, the current plan is if we can knock out sector 6 of the circle, we can break out of this hellhole!Riff

I got 13 wallets at the hospital. How'd you do at the nursing home, Jeffy?Drummer

Billy knew early on that the Navy life was for him. As soon as he had released the last potato peeling, he was on the floor giving twenty, and shouting lewd greetings to all the females in sight.anon

Mistress Dolly, My Mistress, Ma'am! If I can't find you a chocolate Pop-Tart with exactly 47 white sprinkles, ma'am, may I select one with 52 and remove the extras, Mistress Dolly, My Mistress, Ma'am?Rotter

Alright! Who stole my Ahmad Finklestein??? You know this set of Toledo Tornado Arena Football cards is only worth the $15 if all of the players are included!Opie

Dad, I feel especially poorly-drawn today. Sometimes I think you probably couldn't even draw "Tippy" well enough to get into correspondence art school.Andrea

Scene from the "X-File Babies". Lil' Mulder suspects a government cover up when he discovers a crop circle burned into the living room carpet.The Benevolent Grey

Billy practices for his upcoming role in 'Boys on the Bottom'.ColBleep

You've heard of "Three Card Monte," right? Well, I call this gimmick "Thirteen Card Screw," and it's gonna pay for my college education, unlike YOU!Cadillac Man

Bil never got tired of inciting a Pavlovian response from his children. At the ring of a tiny dinner bill they'd open wide enough to fit three billiard balls.Cadillac Man

According to the Tarot cards, you'll soon die in an alley somewhere, clutching a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, with vomit on your trenchcoat. The cards don't lie, Dad. Five dollars, please.Cadillac Man

These brillo pads don't work worth a shit...can't I have some dominoes?R.J.M.

Standing in for Bil Keane today...a mannequin from Sears!Mr. Ben McClellan

Mom, when can we go out to the farm? I've got this killer design for a crop circle.RoBear

Aw, c'mon, Mom, at least LOOK at my waffle collection!The Official Waffle Convention Coordinator

"Last warning. If you don't put on some socks, I'm dropping you and your chicken bone ankles into the eighth level of Hell"Adam, madam

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