DFC #385

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"You know, they've been so much more affectionate with him ever since we got that new dyslexic Sunday School teacher..."Heath

Happiness is a warm puppy . . . and three hits of quality ecstasy.the insignificant signified

"No, really, carbon monoxide has the best calming effects on children and animals. If they get rambunctious, just shut 'em in the garage with the car motor running for 20 minutes or so. Bil and I will be back in 2 decades, er, I mean days, of course."Stealth

Aw, for chrissakes, Bil! I put on this sailor-girl outfit, use the dog to keep the kids distracted, and all you can do is gawk at Mrs. Wilson's nude Tai Chi lessons!Coalcracker

"I didn't say the kids were acting weird... I said they were fucking Goofy!" Crazy Climber channeling Henny Youngman or someone

I told the kids to hold Barfy down until we find his neuticles.Mr. Fungfung

Well, if it isn't Mr. One-More-Jagermeister back from his three day crash after a four day Actifed, Nyquil, Speed, Ecstasy and Zima binge! You haven't missed much -- the children are just sedating and "experimenting" with the dog as usual, and I've been getting my kicks with Luann while her parents are gone. Want a sandwich or something? It's almost lunchtime.Vice Pope Doug

Here we see a prime example of the importance of boolean searches: This rare image could only have been found by entering a search for "melonheads AND streetwalker AND beastiality AND (gym shorts OR Saran wrap)."Coalcracker

"I got tired of missing my soaps for Barney, so I painted Barfy purple."Sean Q

To avoid argument later, I'm having the kids pick out their favorite cuts now.NME--

As Thel yammered on about what precious little children they were, only one thing was on Bil's mind: How come a man can't wear high heels in public?The Dog

Finally! I've found the kids a babysitter you won't try to nail! Right, honey? ?...Bil?Rotter

Driven hopelessly insane by prolonged exposure to Martha Stewart Living, each of the kids had a different crafts project in mind for bits of the dog.Rotter

"Well that's what you get for trying to hide that Fuck me, Fist me! tape in the kids' Lassie Comes Home case."hangtownman

In the wrong place at the wrong time, Barfy was skeletonized in seconds.NATE

I don't know if we should call a therapist, or a vet.Seagull

I KNOW they love him, but he's been lying there dead for THREE DAYS! Please get rid of him before he starts to rot!KUTTER

Back when I was a kid, my mom had underwear just like this.Joe Z

So now what do we do.... Mister "Let's put powdered rhino-horn in their Tang just for kicks"?? Opie

I thought maybe you'd show me the same kind of affection if I wore this Saran Wrap as a skirtCrazy Bruce

Honey, the kids want to know what you did with the branding iron.Eradicator

In his later phase, Bil's work was filled with ironic, and frequently bitter juxtapositions of imagery. In this work, for example, we see the children acting out a Raphaelite triangular madonna scene, while in the background Thel, dressed as an underage Mexican prostitute, leads a leering Rodney Dangerfield into her house--From The Low Modernists by Robert Hughesthe insignificant signified

And you know something else? I love Barfy more than you, too.Rotter

"It's wierd - ever since the dog ate that strange fern, the kids have been catering to his every whim."Westur the Unspeakable

Looks like obedience school is finally paying off. Good thing they gave us that family discount.Gen. Sedgwick

DFC Fun Fact #72: On occasion Thel's midriff does a great impersonation of Thel's neck.Gen. Sedgwick

It's called "afterglow." Stay awake and try it sometime.Gen. Sedgwick

September 30, 1965: Thel Keane fianlly beats out Blondie Bumstead as the most "Stacked" comic-strip mother.Opie

Here we see a reenactment of the excruciating Saints-Buccaneers game of 1987. Note the realism in which no one in the pile-up is aware of the fact that the fumbled ball lies out in the open a few feet away.Howard Cosell, channeled through Grandpa

Between the raw eggs we feed him and that post-coital glow, Barfy's coat can really shine.HasNoName

Can you believe this weather? It's so hot, all the lawn gnomes melted together.ewhac

Watch this, P.J. can tie the dogs tail in a knot... With his tongue!Doc Evil

Most families are content to buy their fishing worms at the bait store, but not those messed-up Keanes!dweezil

I waited until dark, patient as only a wise dog can be. Soon I would taste their blood, lapping it up as eagerly as I consume my own vomit. -- Every Dog Has His Day, by Cujo "Barfy" KeaneLloyd Dobler

Everything was set up perfectly. In seconds, the four of them would be blown to their component atoms. But leave it to PJ to notice the tail slowly burning down...Thel Keane, A Melon Ways to Diezen

"Imprinting was the hard part, but when you consider the wear and tear I saved on my tits, well worth it."The Lesser Gatsby

Since Bil is on vacation, today's comic was drawn by Barfy's libido.zen

What did you expect after bringing home Caligula for family movie night?Nethicus

"Get the flea and tick spray, after this much contact with the kids the dog is going to be covered"The one and only Don C.

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