DFC #389

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

No matter how carefully Thel creeped up to the glass wall of the enclosure, the little girl inside sensed her coming and scurried away to hide behind her exercise wheel.Lloyd Dobler

When Thel's regimen of feminine programming was too intense, Dolly would find a solace with Peppermint Patty's volume of The Complete Works of Gertrude Stein.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Body by Oyl. Gait by Lurch. Shadow by Travolta. Kid by Roy.Caption by Ken

"Well, all right," thought Thel, "but if she's not back with the crank in one hour, I'm cleaning house without her!"Heath

Follow ye not the child that runneth, lest she lead you into thine husband's featureless void. -- Melontations 6:17Ken

Thel finally realized her ride on the gravy train was over the day the last original Keane character decided to leave the cartoon, jumping over the bodies of Not Me, I Don't Know and a late addition to the cast, Who Gives a Fuck? on her way out the door.Delsyn

A housekeeping paradox in the Keane universe. If Thel cleans the streaks off of the window, there ceases to be a window.Bubba Galactus

The MOTHER'S LITTLE HELPER kit, as envisioned by Bil--a metal detector, a pair of Leiderhosen, one set of fanged dentures, one garden trowel, one extra-long toilet brush and a micro-sized broom, sharpened cutlery, the complete works of Yanni, six pounds of crystal meth and a loaded gun. Proof positive that Bil no longer resides in the same universe as Planet Earth.Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier

Thel discovered she couldn't divorce Bil by simply jumping backwards over the broom.Gen. Sedgwick

Before Thel could stop her, Dolly scampered outside with a dustmop, yelling, "Excess scenery! The Void must be cleansed!"Namgubed the Merry Elf

I must be getting old, thought Thel. Used to be my clients could hardly walk when I was through with them, let alone spring.Ken

"I deeply regret decisions that I have made", Dolly remarked in a televised speech later that evening. "Although I did not technically avoid all helper duties, I did contribute an inappropriate level of cleaning in this household. This is, nonetheless, a private matter, and is no one's business but my family's."MrNeutron

In Thel's airplane-glue and Halcyon haze, the room teems with drunken shadows, the floor crawls with animated kitchen utensils, and deformed offspring using their own vital organs for headgear slip silently through solid plate-glass windows, scampering off trailing their own intestines behind them. Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier

It was only a matter of time before Dolly would return from the hunt, having found another Fuller Brush Man for the family to devour.Agent Mario Knob

Seven years later, Thel hoped that Gerald McBoing-Boing at least remembered her.Gen. Sedgwick

From this sketch and given information in Keane's Illustrated SAT, students were expected to calculate Dolly's amplitude, the angle of Thel's repose, and the probability that the next item taken from the box would appear phallic.Gen. Sedgwick

The Tabasco did the trick, all right. Maybe now Dolly would think twice about inserting strange objects in her "dirty place".Mowgli

"Jesus, that kid's dense," mused Thel. "Everytime the Hernandez boy drives down the street with his car-stereo 'booming' Dolly runs out and trys to flag him down for an Astro-Pop."Opie

Warning! Although your new M.L.H. Dwarf-in-a-box is completely legal in all U.S. states and territories (excluding TN, AK and Guam), you may experience undesired results by mentioning the words Policia, Imigration or Sodimiza. -- Excerpt from The 1966 M.L.H. Owner's Manualbobo

Upon spotting a rival female in her territory, Thel began to peck furiously at the glass of her enclosure.Big Chuck Darwin

"I want to help you, Mother!" Dolly screamed, before streaking away in tears. "But you have to want help!"Rotter

Thel watches her hopes and dreams fade into a featureless void. An apt metaphor for those of us who post captions week after week, only to see our entires disappear into the mist...Elwood

Dolly grabbed her steel-toe boots, skin-head wig, and "break-away" nose ring from her Mosher's Little Helper kit and went to join Bil at the Mighty Mighty Bosstones concert.Smokey

As Thel searched frantically for the minivac, she wondered what the penalty was for twentith trimester abortions.anon

Still Life on Planet Omogen 3, where adults devolve into neanderthals, liver attacks your head, spears rain from the sky, and slinkies chase you for lunch.FJ!!

Thel could only watch as Dolly bounded away having discovered "Mother's little Helper." It would be 3 days and 40 D cells before she returned home.Coyote

After the first few weeks, Keane started to find himself constrained by the single panel format and was forced to portray his characters somewhat more creatively. In this panel, for instance, the viewer is given some immediate history of Thel's character (i.e. she's drunk as a loon) by her shadow, which is portrayed as guzzling a gallon of cheap red wine.M

The sproing of the leash recoiling secretly delighted Thel.M (diggin' on Larsen)

"Oh, Dolly," Thel sighed, "can no woman ever tame you?"M

Thel knew when Dolly got back, she'd get a stern talking to. Or a Lil' Helper broom up the ass.Nethicus

Thel was left wondering just what the hell that Little Helper Kit actually helped.The Boy

"Ah," thought Thel wistfully, "I remember my first 3-day crank binge ... they grow up so fast"Mitch is on a roll

Thel sighed. "I may not have my childish abandon anymore, but at least there's always heroin."Furr

Jeez, Thel, don't sweat it. The room'll be back to featureless void in an hour or two.Horselover Fat

Day 137: Despite almost complete sensory deprivation in a featureless environment, subject continues to exhibit signs of "gettin' jiggy wit it".big spatchie style

Drawn before the age of battery-powered toys, this cartoon originally appeared with the caption, "My, she's all WOUND UP today." When anthologized years later, the editors felt the need to update the caption. An older Bil Keane suggested, "What a bouncy little slut," after which the editors decided to drop the whole anthology project.Heath

The next day, Bil drew the results of his "Daddy's Little Helper" kit. It got him a $35,000 advance from Sleaze Illustrated magazine, a very embarrassing trial, and a 35-year sentence. Billy just got beat up every day for the rest of his life.Elkman

There she goes again, thought Thel. Good thing I have her tethered to a post.Nethicus

Thel sighed. Once again Dolly had bounded off, leaving nothing but reds and those indistinguishable aspirin-like tablets. Greedy bitch.tv's Spatch

"One day, I tried to teach Dolly about housework. The first thing she did was huff the Endust, and then she spent the rest of the afternoon skipping around the backyard trying to catch the 'pretty butterflies' ..." -- from I Give Up by Thel Keane Shem

This is a rarity -- a truly funny Family Circus cartoon. You see, Thel is about to step on all of these mops and brooms and things, and each time the handle will spring up and smack her in the face.Ken

Thel was unsuccessful in her attempt to get Dolly to complete her chores before The Nimitz docked.lefty

"Dolly finally split for good when the Stones passed through town in '65. We forgot about her until a year later, when that damned song came out....the bitch of it is, I was THIS close to running off with Mick and Keith myself..." --Thelma Keane-Springsteen, I Was a Cum-Burping Gutter Slut Band Groupieanon

Thel would recognize that sweater anywhere. She knew Dolly was off to meet that round-headed kid again, and there was just a little too much spring in her step for Thel's liking.scoob

"Let's see," muttered Thel. "A window as big as the wall. Cleaning supplies that couldn't possibly fit in the box. Me with no tits. Oh, well. At least it's better then being in a bear's ass."Lots42

Further signs that the MOMA was going downhill when the Bil Keane exhibit opened featuring Bil's "Dolly in a Void" (oil paint and canvus), "Thel, Neck and All" (marble) and "Housework Undone" (plastic toys stewn about).Monkey Punch

Ya got me off with a pretend whisk broom / now I'm lost in a whiskey guilt gloom / am I on a carnal mind quest / or am I just a sick molestress ....? --- from the critically maligned "Mother's Little Hell" by Vanilla ThelIce Pope Doug

*bonk*...*bonk*...*bonk*...For Christ sakes,Thel! Open the damn door!!andreaK

What's more frightening in this cartoon? A.) Thel's Laura Petrie capri pants. B.) The fact that Thel's shadow has more mass than she does. C.) Dolly is scampering off with a piece of liver on her head. You make the call!Tillman

Dolly ran for help after Bil passed out and hit his head while blowing up his Father's Little Helper Kit.Andrea

Crap. All this new HDTV receives is Teletubbies.ewhac

20 years before the first home computer was sold, Dolly had designed and built herself an Apple ][e using nothing but a typewriter and cutlery. Sadly, her research was destroyed when her dim-witted mother mistook it for a carpet sweeper.The Dog

"Who was that strange little girl," Thel wondered, "and what are these funny-looking bristled things she left behind?"M

"And so, with just a little regret, I hopped out of my role as 'Dolly' in Family Circus to fulfill my new obligations as the Easter Bunny." -- Vonda "Dolly Keane" McIntyre, From Circles to Ellipsoids, A Voyage of Self-Discovery.Mr. Kontoontwon

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