DFC #393

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Although I believed in minimalist drawing (no stuff in the background and whatnot), every now and then I'd pop a few 'shrooms, throw on some Dead, and draw to the music. On this one occasion, I'd promised to quit drawing after one song, but it turned out I'd put on the Copenhagen Dark Star. -- Bil Keane, Secrets of the ArtistKen

"Just look! He drew you seven feet tall, big dominant head, and both tits. We're getting out before he takes his libido out on us!"Heath

"Well *I* say that when you flash your innocence around like that brat from Rose is Rose, you're ASKIN' to get your strip looted!"Magus

Clear a space! The Miscellaneous Stuff truck is back.Peon

We're selling our own toys to pay off daddy's gambling debts, you're high on valium to numb out your burning hatred of life for your mind-grinding domesticity, and all these assholes make up funny captions out of our misery. Shoot me. Shoot me now.Judas

"We're clearing out all the potentially psychic knickknacks before their time comes."Orrin Bloquy

If I were you, I'd get out of the house in, let's see, 27 seconds.Mr. ?

The power of your little helper box is no match for our mess factor skills! Mr. ?

"We're moving to Heavy Metal to get laid."Randall

How come the Jetsons can have a maid?R.J.M.

Can you find 5 things wrong with this picture? (1) The rifle shot out a ball much larger than its barrel. (2) Despite Jeffy's smug, satisfied look, there are no iron burns on his face. (3) Tree outside the window is not psychic. (4) Dolly's tonsils are clearly visible, in spite of being removed at age 3. (5) Vacuum has a full bag despite not having been used since 1962.Ken

Nice sewing machine. What year are we in NOW?Doc Evil

You know, The Borrowers aren't all that cute when they're three feet tall and call you a come-burping gutter slut as they run by.Pete

Dysfunctional Nostalgia: The Rodney King verdict comes in...Doc Evil

Spinn proposes a new contest. "How Many Items Can You Spot Pointing At Thel's Crotch?"Lots42

"We're trying to achieve Stuff Equilibrium throughout the house. I think this load needs to go to your room."Larry Hastings

Oh, we elves are doing fine, Mrs. Claus... except perhaps for Namgubed, who keeps talking about melting every city on the planet with liquid hot magma.NME (shameless self-reference)--

In 1972, we decided we were sick of all that pasketti & meat bulbs crap Thel'd been feeding us everyday since 1960, and we started dumping it behind the sofa. Then came that fateful day in '96 when Bil, high on PCP and Windex as usual, discovered the pile, and rolled around in it, screaming loudly, proclaiming himself to be Jesus.--It's No Wonder I'm Anorexic: Memoirs by Dolly Keaneagm

Just face the music, Thel. You CAN'T make $50,000 to pay off the loan sharks by having a pissant garage sale. We're taking our stuff back! Maybe if you come clean Luigi will only take a finger, and not a thumb.Cadillac Man

"Well, the Mitchells are getting back from vacation today . . we'll hide all their stuff, an' you go out an' tell 'em 'bout the "suspicious black male" we saw 'round their property."Hang Lose

"We're goin' outside to play. Watching you slave away in here in mindless domesticity is just too fucking depressing."scoob

You'd be amazed at how profitable a three card monty table can be on this block.Mr Triscuits

"We're gonna go follow Lilith Fair along with Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Psst! Jeffy actually thinks he's going to score!"Pete

"We're giving all this to Dogbert's New Ruling Class. The firing squad should be along for you shortly, infidel."Pete

...Then there was the time Dolly was yapping so much, she didn't look where she was going. She slipped on Jeffy's dropped baseball, did a backflip, and smashed three vertebrae when she hit the floor. I was laughing so hard, it took me an hour to dial 911. -- Thel Keane, Guilty Pleasures Raven, Sergeant, Caption Salvage Crew

"We're bringin' this stuff to th' Goodwill an' taunt th' homeless kids. Wanna come?"Sean Q

In the midst of the domestic chaos, a baby bird struggled to break free from its shell and greet creation. A beautiful affirmation of life and the glory of God's creatures -- or at least it was until Dolly came tromping through with her size 10EEE clodhoppers.scoob

Stop looking so damn eager -- they aren't those kinds of toys.phil

"And how about a little less starch in my crotchless panties today? Last night I got a bitch of a rash and one pissed-off customer."hangtownman

Don Thel was worried. The Shultz gang might make a hit any minute, and her soldiers still weren't ready to go to the mattresses.hangtownman

"No, no! The dress is for Dad! I get the bowling shirt with "Butch" stitched on the pocket!"Lloyd Dobler

"Mom? Is it wrong to steal the blind kid's toys? I mean, he can't see 'em any way..."Colt Furlong

"I'm carrying a box with a string attatched and an issue of On Our Backs, Jeffy is carrying a gun, a bow, a bat and a truck loaded with explosives. If Bil had any sense of subtlety before, I'd say he's lost it."Monkey Punch

"We all -- especially Dolly -- learned an important lesson that day: Never sass a stressed-out housewife, especially not one who can throw a hot iron harder than Nolan Ryan." -- from And I Alone Am Survived to Tell Thee by Jeffy KeaneShem

"Because Billy and P.J. won't be needing these anymore."Klaus

Part of preparing for hurricane season is brushing up on your looting skills.Buzz Lightbeer (Reporting Live From The Space Coast).

We're preparing for the Y2k problem. If you want to help, fetch more canned goods and another shotgun.Mr. ?

"Who woulda thunk it? We actually miss the damned void. We're going to stuff this junk in Dilbert's cubicle.Dolly Diggler

Damn, Thel. Enough with the compulsions already, just grab a pile and run. The Bumsteds could be back any minute!Mowgli

"... and oh yeah, Billy ate some kid at school yesterday!"Cancel

"I'd go with the white dress, and a little less helium in the head."snackwhore

Mall security is right behind us. Will you be a dear, Thel, and take off your shirt?Mr. ?

Nope, just going out to play. Don't even know where a pawnshop is. Your jewelry box either. No sirree.Gen. Sedgwick

"Well, how do you expect us to launch a sucsessful revolution if we don't have anything to keep us entertained while we're waiting in the trenches?"Magus

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