DFC #396

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Sure, she'd rant and rave, but I knew better than to pay any heed. She was just jealous because I can lick my genitals." --Barfy Dog, I Am Not KeaneHeath

"This incident seemed rather harmless at the time. Dolly always tried to sic Barfy on Pink and we thought nothing of it. Then, thirty years later when he was a world famous rock n' roll singer, Pink calls me from a hotel room in London, drunk off his ass and babbled about how Dolly and Barfy was 'the first brick in the wall.' I didn't know what to make of it until they found my little brother naked and hanging from a ceiling in a Motel 6 in Philly." Excerpt from Little Brother Lost: The Fall and Death of Pink J. Keane, by William & Jeff Keane, Melonball Press.Mr. Ben McClellan

Now spit out the rest of the family!Mr. ?

Evolve! Look, like this! Now, EVOLVE, damn you!Nethicus

In order to settle your dispute, I order you both to...drool to the death!R.J.M.

"No, no! You need to duel for my affections!"Lloyd Dobler

Any improv troupe worth its salt can do a standing/sitting/crawling routine, but few can at the same time pull off a drooling/shouting/aping scene.Ken

"Barfy and I really were ashamed of our conduct, but after sitting through the entire Baywatch marathon on USA, anything looked good."Heath

You two ate all the scenery again, didn't you?-drew

"When he started biting people, I thought it was pretty cool. When he started lifting his leg to pee, I thought it was weird, but we'd learn to live with it. Now he's snacking in the cat box and throwing up on the rug. KNOCK OFF THE DOG LESSONS!"snackwhore

Little Jessica scolds Sandfang and Little Stilgar for wasting moisture. Tonight, on Arrakis Babies.Magus

Kill! Damn it I said KILL, not drool! Aw fuck, do I have to do everything around here myself?Pablo

By using the ultra-secret "drool code", Agent Fang and The Bald Spy were able to maintain communications, even in the presence of their captors.Ken

Dear Penthouse, I never believed any of the letters you printed until this really happened to me ...Ken

The dog-eared photo Bil Keane always keeps in his nightstand.Coalcracker

It's pretty scary when the "pull my finger" caption looks like the tasteful alternative.Peon

Freakin' slackers! Wear your drool cup, empty it into the drool bucket, from there into the drool cistern, to the drool sluice, and into the drool irrigation system. -From More Incredibly Obscure DFC Captionszen

"Okay, so maybe we shouldn't have made P.J. and Barfy eat shards of broken glass. But it was worth it to hear Dolly's adorable mispronounciation of 'internal hem'ragin'!" from "Thel Keane: Jailbird Ma Tells All," by Kitty Kelley.Smokey

Barfy realized that he wouldn't be able to eat the small, bald one in peace until he got rid of the noisy, red-headed one.Ion1

You're supposed to wait for the bell, you dumbasses!Laughing Lurker

"Of all the topics Dolly went ballistic over, the 'difference between drool and slobber' was our favorite. We'd spend hours making the veins on her neck bulge." --Barfy and PJ ("Practical Joker") Keane, We Wrote This Tell-All Book Since They Never Let Us SpeakHeath

Bitch is always yappin' at us / sayin' that we fools / my homies just ain't down wit' dat / so we begin to drool / droolin' in the dark / droolin' in the light / droolin' as we tool the bitch / each and every night -- from the self-produced CD "The Rap Keeps the Cash Wher It Is" by L. Cool P.J., feat. Notorious D.O.G.Vice Pope Doug (I couldn't sleep and this is what I think of?!

Costume! I want some waders now!Peon

El Nina moves in to take control on Pacific weather patterns, sending off the dripping wet weather of El Nino and his lesser known companion El Perro.Amzing AlKirk

"So. If you weren't two-timing me with PJ, how come I smell Alpo on his breath?"Stealth

The Keane Family production of Deliverance was a major flop in spite of this show-stopping rendition of "Drooling Banshees".Ken

What you might find attatched to your e-mail if you enter the wrong AOL Chat room... Survey Says!Monkey Punch

No, no, no. You drool when I ring the bell; he drools when I wear the miniskirt!NME--

"Well I say that PJ does the best impression of Grandma!"Hang Lose

Ah-ah-ah! I didn't say Simon says drool 'till you're dehydrated!Gen. Sedgwick

"Look, you two, becoming bulimic is pointless if you are just going to lick up your own vomit!"Ellie D.

Bad Dog! You missed the jugular!Mr. ?

"See that? From the nose and mouth! Now THAT'S drool, mister!!"Randall

"It's the cartoon law! You looked down, now fall! Fall! Dammit!"Monkey Punch

We've replaced Hitler, Rommel and Braun with Dolly, PJ and Barfy. Let's see if the Third Reich notices.Monkey Punch

This week on Li'l Supermasochist, Li'l Sharee Rose forces Li'l Bob Flanagan into acts of beastiality.Monkey Punch

"Five months of unemployment I can accept. The drinking I can put up with. The countless women, the gambling debts, the used needles in the dog house... But eating P.J.'s tongue--you've gone too far this time!"Torc

"All right, which one of you is screwing around with the direction of gravity? In this house, we obey the laws of physics, goddammit!"Hudson

"Neither of you are getting any semen on my dress, topical or no!"DirtyBorg

PJ and Barfy smarted at the harsh words, but they knew that only under Dolly's stern guidance would they have a chance to qualify for the Olympic Synchronized Slobbering finals.me, myself, I

No, no, no!!! It's pant-drool-mumble-grunt-wheeze, not pant-grunt-wheeze-mumble-drool! Fucking amateurs!me, myself, I

As Dolly lambastes Barfy for teaching P.J. bad habits, the youngest Keane discreetly sniffs her butt.Klaus

Weeks later, P.J., by this point completely feral, turned on Thel during a diaper-changing and, sadly, had to be put down.Klaus

In 1949, young cartoonist Bil Keane was asked to do a number of images as promotional material for charitable organizations. This one, intended to increase Christmas donations was not accepted; its odd design can be attributed to the fact that he thought the sponsoring organization was called the Salivation Army.Ken (tipping the hat to Leukemia Boy)

This is PJ on drugs. Any questions?Riff

Like drool from a slack jaw, these were the Daze of our Guys.Stealth

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