DFC #403

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I don't think the DFCers are intimidated by your mastery of "Prissy Flamingo" Kung Fu, Dad.Riff

Goo on shoe, mate? Aaauugh! Forgive me, it was a reflex, I tell you!!!Riff

"Sorry, our finger-pulling party got a bit out of hand."The Dog

Papa Smurf! Nooooooooo!Mr. ?

Now you have to stay wher you are, Mister.Mr. ? yes, it's obvious, but it's still funny

...but just as Bil had stomped out the last breath of life from the Teletubby, more appeared behind him.The Dog

Ska was catching on in the neighborhood, and Jeffy watched in awe.Rev. Stackpole

"Your humble son will lick the sole of your grahzny vonny boot, oh my Pop." (A Clockwork Family Circus)anon

Bil discovers that PJ's new diapers don't live up to their claim of twenty to thirty pounds.Tempus Fugit (goin' for the obvious)

"Why am I wearing these stupid, uncomfortable shoes?" Bil thought one fateful day. "Why am I wearing this dorky suit and this ugly tie? Why am I going to a job I hate? Maybe I'll just stay home and doodle today."anon

"Sorry, I shoulda warned you about P.J.'s shoe fetish."Dvandom

ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S JUMBLE: It's what Mr. Brown found on his shoes after stepping into the Keane kitchen. CRYSTAL METHAMPHETAMINE RESIDUESmokey

Thel, sweaty and spent, lay limp on the ironing board, the scent of a woman's passion mingled with Macanudo tobacco filling the air as "Uncle Bill"'s illegitimate offspring finally recognized their resemblance to the familiar-looking visitor -- Billy, Jefferson and P. Jefferson. Bil, the poor sap, never figured it out until the impeachment hearings. -- D. Keane, Family OvalOrrin Bloquy

Here we see Bil Keane insidiously replicating the inverted figure of the Hanging Man from the infernal Tarot Deck, thus proving the subliminal Satanism theory that would eventually take down many so-called 'innocent' comic strips. Incipient lesbianism in Peanuts, witchcraft in Broom Hilda, gluttony in Blondie... My job was tireless but I had the American people to protect. -- Kenneth Starr, The Funnies ReportOrrin Bloquy

Oh Bil was a hack cartoonist. His panels were'nt funny one bit. Then one day as he takes a walk outside, he steps in a big pile of ssssshhhhaving cream......furplay

guest cartoonist R. Autmung's cartoon depicts the western powers as a callous father figure casting boot-scrapings to the needy "child" nations of the third worlddjymm

"You want I should take care of that bird, Mr. Sinatra?"Dave Matthews

CHICAGO, IL (AP): The MCI backbone of the Internet was down for over 16 hours after over 75,000 users submitted identical messages to the same website, flooding the entire network and bringing it to a halt. "It was awful," lamented editor Craig Myers. "I logged in, and already there were over 350 lines all reading, 'poop keeps the shoe wher it is'. I deleted them as fast as I could, but the system just kept getting slower and slower." Greg Galcik, owner of the site in question, was not available for comment. Rhea Wilson, spokesperson for MCI says, "I haven't seen this much traffic since, well, I'd have to go all the way back to the Ken Starr report."Heath

And remember the Return on Investment has to be at least 20% for the last fiscal year along with a low intrinsic debt and a comprable P/E ratio for the industry. Oh, and watch out for the ka-ka.Mr. ?

"Oh, by the way, pick up some Pampers on the way home. And a case of Glade if you dont mind!"Magikaldragon

"Think you'll be getting the dog high and force feeding him jalapenos anymore? HUH? do you?"Magikaldragon

This is the most utterly jacked-up "Ascent of Man" I've ever seen. This textbook sucks...St. Germain

That night in Cancun...the champagne showers in Belize...the room-full of young Turkish men in Oktar...you can't leave me and the baby like this, Bil, you just can't!Orrin Bloquy

Bil hesitated. The instructions were getting more and more complex and he had to proceed carefully, lest he make a fatal error. Let's see...I put my left foot in and then I shake it all about...Westur the Unspeakable

Ma! Quick! Get the shotgun! There's another damn mime in the yard!Elwood

The unfortunate accident caused Bil to be late for the audition, and Dan Ackroyd got the part as Elwood.Mr. Kontoontwon

Two weeks after Cowles finally gets Family Circus international cirulation, Bil unwittingly offends the entire Arab world by showing them the bottom of his foot.lefty

"Mom says to get the hell off the sidewalk - she just polished it!"Westur the Unspeakable

A scene from the first ballet that Mike Nelson and his 'bots will have to sit throughKen

"Look dad, to the right. Miss Buxley's in a bikini. Hey, on the left, Boopsie in short shorts. Over to the right, Cathy's going topless. Off to the left, Marmaduke! ..." Before long Jeffy had Bil spinning like a top.Ken

The Keane History of the US, Panel #7: "Several patriotic flags and banners were developed around this time, including the one above, which was labeled 'Don't tread on me.'"Lost in Erehwon

"I'm sorry not cleaning up the front steps. Please don't make me wear another slogan t-shirt! For the love of God don't make me wear another slogan t-shirt!"Monkey Punch

It is a sad day/When you look down at your shoe/and find your career - Official Haiku of DFCMonkey Punch

Metaphor alert! Metaphor alert!Gen. Sedgwick

Watch your step...oops...I don't mean to waste your time, but I feel it's my duty to inform you that you stepped in some caca...it was a crappy thing that happened, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You really did a number, too...I can clean it off for you, but I will have to charge you a fee, see, because it's such a mess.R.J.M.

Whooda thunk those Smurfs were Mormons?Doc Evil

1997: Bil Keane inadvertently invents gettin jiggy wid it.orrin bloquy

As usual, dad was totally shitfaced, but for once he didn't smack into the door on his way out. Jeffy announced his success with a shout: Gooooooooooooooolllllllllll! -- Pele Juninho Keane, Una Cabeza Como un FutbolKen

Sinced you've fucked up your dramatic exit, why not just hang it up, head for Liquorama instead, and load up on J.D.? Bring us some smokes, too.Horselover Fat

Keane tries to "get hip to the young people" by drawing himself hacky-sacking with the local members of NORML.ColBleep

"Father! You have stepped on the bread meant for the birds! I weep, I weep. The birds die. My hope is now on your shoe." - Marvel Comics' What If... #97, What If Bil Keene was Frenchanon

"If you're stepping on them, the Preparation H isn't working!!"jeffrey

Thinking that he'd seen the face of Jesus in the dog shit, Bil stood stock still for 3 days waiting for the National Enquirer to come. Never once did it occur to him to take the shoe off.Stickboy

Dammit, Dad--how am I supposed to say something funny if the first thing you do is step in the Difficult Zone!? Work with me!Jim Smith

Pretty good...now make a number 5...R.J.M.

The first symptoms of the Kaye Flu are sweaty palms, a mid-grade fever, and dizziness. Phase two leads to and uncontrollable urge to do the "hokey-pokey".Nethicus

While Bil's soft shoe routine was surprisingly good, Jeffy's inability to carry a tune in a bucket doomed Family Circus, the Musical.Peon, avoiding the obvious

I hope you're happy. I got beat up at school today, and all because my father is the freak with the lame-ass dream of becoming "Lord of the Lawndance."Smokey

Tim Conway called. He needs his "stepped in poopie" gag back before he does his next Dorf video.Smokey

Bil Keane, Goddamn Kids Fuck Up My Life, ink, 1998.M

No, you fool! You put your right foot in, then your right foot out! That's what it's all about!Coalcracker

That's what, four steps? Five? Most folks would have noticed when they hit it.Octophile

Suddenly, Jeffy let loose with an operatic high C so clear and intense that it cracked all the shoe leather in the neighborhood.scoob

Good God, thought Bil, a fragment of a map to the sunken treasure of Atlantis, tattooed on the leather of my loafer. Does this mean I am the one of whom the prophecies speak?Annna

Dad always was a moron. 5 seconds later he lifted the other leg to check that shoe too. He had a concusion for 3 days.Yakko

"That'll teach you to fuck with me, homes! NOBODY disses J-Rock!" wrong hero

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