DFC #407

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Ironic seeing these words on a Philco console, circa 1964, isn't it?Gen. Sedgwick

Panel three from TV Radiation Lad #1Stefan Jones

Bil's craziest scheme involved marketing a space-heater with a miniature billboard built-in. Orville Jeffybacher

Bil's mental turmoil finally culminated on that dark day when he drew Billy taking off his pants, sitting in an inner tube, singing Bavarian drinking songs in front of television.Magritte

"I love these retro commercials on TV-LAND, I can remember this one from when I was... just... a... little... kid...WAIT A SECOND!!"Magikaldragon

"Oh God, they improved KY again. So much for this weekend..."Eric Remy

Billy would concentrate on the television -- even singing along with the commercials -- and try to ignore the rectal bleeding.Teddy Leonsis

"I know what I'd like to see in that category: Government Witness Protection programs."Twomp

"Laugh if you want, Dad - but eventually I'm gonna levitate this thing and drop it on your ellipsoid head."anon

I am bored with your new and improved products. Take them away.Field Marshall Stack

"New and Improved lip gloss, who cares. What I need is a new and improved can of whoop ass!"Monkey Punch

"I don't need that. I have smooth, lovely white skin already."Wabewalker

I'm sorry, I am not falling for the "They're here" gag. Last time Dolly fell for it, we were cleaning ectoplasm out of the carpet for two weeks.ewhac

"...and please, Mr. TV, help Mr. Springer solve all our problems tonight. Amen."Die Fledermaus

M-O-O-N, that spells "new and improved Nivea", laws yes. -- Little Billy Keane's ill-fated audition trying out for the role of Tom Cullen in The Stand IIJeremiah Taco

"Can't sleep must...watch informercials...clowns will eat me for not watching..."Amie Jozwiak

"First it was Move Over Butter. Then it was Fuck You Margarine, and now it's Die, Lard Die! What will they think of next?"wrong hero

"The miracle cream guaranteed to hold down any cowlick...yeah, that's what they all say."Tamex

"Sure hope they invent the Internet soon."Tamex

"Dr. Cuthbertson said the tumor could only be treated with radiation. Dad figured he'd save a few bucks and have Billy alternate sitting real close to the TV with defrost cycles in the microwave. We buried him on a Tuesday." -Dolly Keane, The Unauthorized AutobiographySean Q

"Obviously, no one is funny in New Jersey!" thought Jeffy after sitting through the first ten minutes of "Newark Improv".Heath

"How do you improve goldfish?"Heath

We've secretly replaced the aliens' Black Monolith with this 27" Black & White model. Let's see if the primate notices ...Ken

Fuck! The Playboy Channel got replaced by another home shopping network! Capitalism reeks!Riff

I don't know why I'm worried. If I'm right, I jump through the TV screen into a magical new world. If I'm wrong, the picture tube implodes around my head and I die. See? Win-win situation.phil

"I'll wear the shirt. But I'm not holding the blanket!" Billy hated Dad's fetish for Linus Van Pelt.Po

Despite all the hype, HDTV broadcasts failed to live up to expectations. Especially in households with circa 1958 water-cooled sets.Westur the Unspeakable

Though no one could fault Billy for his diligence in meditation, his choice of John Tesh as his Guru doomed him to rather disappointing results.me, myself, I

"'Too close' my ass, Thel. Jeez, you think everything I do is gonna make me go blind."Torc.

Billy shut his eyes, slept for twenty more years, woke up and found he was STILL in the 1950s.schizofritz

"Don't need no new-improved hair gel, thanks. My hair juts six inches over my forehead all by itself."Heath

What kind of an idiot signs up for WebTV with 200x300 resolution? All I can see is ad gifs.Octophile

"No thanks, I've settled for old and inferior all my life, and I'm not gonna change now."Deiphage

Must...finish...Jerry...Lewis...Telethon...Doc Evil

New improved poltergeists are heeeeeeere.NME--

One indication of intestinal worms is the child's persistent rubbing of the anus against the ground.Deiphage

Geez - The Truman Show even advertises what he masturbates with!Duckfoot--

"...up Jeffy's ass... And I'd stick Lucky Charms up Jeffy's ass... Yeah, and I'd stick new improved shoe polish up Jeffy's ass... And I'd stick..."Dan Jones

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