DFC #408

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Crystal-Meth boy is gettin' a little fidgety. Got any thing that needs polishing?Hugh Jass

"One minute he's shrieking in horror at the pastries, the next minute he's flipping through his coloring book as fast as he can to see the 'secret messages'. You sort it out. I'm leaving."Magus

Yeah, I know it looks impressive. But, really, how hard is it to speed read a coloring book?bandit

Heh heh... I told him to look for Flaming Leather Waldo.Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Tell Jeffy that it's my turn to look at the Frostinomikon!"thorubos

He's opting out of the sponge bath. The viagra wore off when he hit the picture of Dad in a Speedo.Octophile

"You fool, don't interupt him now. Once he translates the Book of the Dead, we can get out of here and into a Wes Craven film!"Monkey Punch

What do you expect? With Jeffy, nothing that's not Versace gets a second look.phil

We all worship the snowman. Join us. Join us.Mr. ?

Count your "diet pills". He went through The Cat in the Hat in ten seconds.Dr. Zeus

"Can we PLEASE get the Nintendo fixed now?"Heath

"I'd leave the kitchen. They listed Frosty, the Saggy-Baggy Elephant and Mark Trail in their donor pamphlet, but ignored him."Monkey Punch (salvaging my caption)

Tell Dad it's gonna be a while... Jeffy's still trying to decipher his notes from the last time he made those freebase-stuffed 'shrooms.Pliny

"I'm starting to think Fisher Price's My First Naked Lunch may be a bit too intense for him."Monkey Punch

"Mom, how can I put this delicately ... we need a fucking air conditioner!!!!!Helder

We found Dad's clip art stash. Want some new furniture or somethin'?Gen. Sedgwick

"You can forget about lunch for Jeffy. The latest Victoria's Secret Farm catalog arrived today."Helder

In this scene from Dysfunctional Flowers For Algernon, Charly begins speed-reading as Alice and Dr. Strauss discuss whether the mouse should be baked or grilled.Heath

Way to go, mom. Seven pictures of dogs shitting. A cat exploding in a microwave. Uncle Roy, shoving plastic soldiers up his ass. A cemetary with six tombstones, all of which read Keane. And eight snowmen beating Santa's elves to death with clubs. This is the absolute last time we ever let you buy a coloring book drawn by our father.Tempus Fugit, the Time Flier

Mom, Jeffy says the Timbletoes are getting him hot. He's been humping every piece of furniture for days. I'm going to cancel our subscription to Highlights.daffyduck1

That's what you get for buying him My First Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy!Mr. ?

Jeez Thel! You wanna feed that thing? It's tryin to eat your clothes!Opie

Better put on a cup of coffee. The new clip art book arrived, and Bil put Jeffy to work finding a cat and a toilet.Coalcracker

Jeffy was thrilled when he got his NEA grant. Unfortunately, he frittered it all away on elephant pornography.Po

I don't know...I just expected a bit more out of the new Tom Wolfe book.zen

Quick, call the Chrisitian Coalition. He's already found several subliminal references to Satan and three homoerotic cartoons.Argyle

"No fair! How come the snowmen get scenery?"Sean Q

Atfer this product placement, sales of Babar Crosses the Urals and Dies of Hypothermia tripled.Sean Q

He says the perp isn't in this one either. Get the Etch-a-Sketch artist and alert Inter-Wading-PolOctophile

Jeffy thinks he's speed reading. I tried to tell the illiterate freakin' idiot the operative word here is reading.lefty

Jeffy begins to learn at a geometric rate. He becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. eastern time, August 29. In a panic, Thel and Dolly try to pull the plug. -- From Jeffynator 2: Judgement DayHelder

OK, you were right. "A Clockwork Orange" broke his brain. I guess I owe you a coke.Pepito

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