DFC #410

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

The Jolly Green Giant audition was no place for Jeffy to learn that he couldn't be jolly under pressure.Monkey Punch

That's it! Dolly gets a fucking pillow, Billy get his "new and improved" stay hard cream, PJ gets a fucking baby chicken! I- I- I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you! And what's with this gut? Goddammit, sometimes I just wanna- Dolly. What the fuck are you laughing at?Brettt Maverick

Have you seen this? No fucking navel, either! Honestly Bil, how tricky is this shit?Brettt Maverick

Note the surly expression, the tiny, shriveled ears, the oversized mouth, the aggressive body language and finally, the pot-belly from lack of exercise. This boy clearly will grow up to be a reference librarian.a

"Okay, what wiseguy stole my communicator badge?"Riff

"Sh... sh.. shaz... sh-sh-sh-sh-.." -- Until he overcame the chronic stuttering, young Billy Batson got his ass kicked with surpirsing regularity.Paul Roub

Hey, wait a minute! What about the force of gravity?! And how would it survive in a vacuum?! "The cow jumped over the moon" my ass!me, myself, I

Hello. I'm the hollowed out Jeffy-O-Lantern. Behold my rolled up sweatshirt and pre-pubescent gut and know that I am overweight and unstylish, but scary.Dr. Nick

It took three weeks for any of us to realize Jeffy was possessed. Between his pot belly and his enormous ass, who could tell if his head was on backwards? -- Dolly, MemoirsRaven

I am neither short nor stout, thank you very much!Microman

Jeffy's appearance on the ProzaKidz Fruity ChillOuts infomercial led to a Clio and a complimentary year's supply.Hideo Spanner

What, does the fermata over Jeffy's mouth mean he has to stretch out the caption or something?Gen. Sedgwick

Keane Giant: No. Appearing: 1-6; Frequency: Not Rare Enough; Organization: Family; Intelligence: Animal(1); Treasure Type: Roll on Table Q, Misc. Drugs. -- From the AD&D Monstrous Manual supplement Keanemoor: Adventuring in Toonland.phil

Well, kiss my grits!Jacob

I don't care which one of you is responsible---you are still gonna have to support me and the baby when it comes!Laughing Lurker

God damn it, dad! Stop following me around with that notepad! I'm sick of seein' my mug in your cartoons every day!Valvoline

"We're here! Something-something. We're not going away!" Jeffy couldn't even chant right.Po

Fear my mighty belly!Fluffy

Yeah, it was pretty goddamn bad acid! I had sexual fantasies about Bil, Dolly kept farting into the pillow, and Billy just sat in front of the TV for hours, rocking back and forth and saying he wanted to be a big nigger seadog over and over again. You think you get red zones like that on good blotter?The Raindog

The performance of Wagner's Die Walküre had been immaculate so far. However, in spite of the director's warnings, Jeffy decides to "liven up" the show and breaks into an impromptu performance of "I'm a Little Teapot" during the finale of Act III. It was then the world knew his opera career was over.Kai Robinson

"Where the fuck is my deli tray?"Kai Robinson

Billy has absconded with my marionette again-- how am I to become the next Wayland Flowers with these constant interruptions?Andrea

You know, Bil. your orifice priorities are fucked. If you spent two seconds on nostils and navels, instead of the whole afternoon painstakingly detailing rectums, we probably wouldn't be taking all of this shit from the DFC.Brettt Maverick

The bullet entered Billy cleanly, but lifted his skull cap completely off in exit, leaving his brain exposed. No, wait a minute, it's just Jeffy.Octophile

Keane's spinn-off 'Where's Jeffy?' was a dismal failure.Lots42

June 14th, 1995 -- Jeffy learns to dish out "whoopass".Nethicus

In 1994, the nation of Belarus commissioned Bil Keane to design its new poison warning labels. This picture helped to reduce accidental child poisonings there by 20%.Ken

"There's no need to fear -- super pissed-off overweight Jeffy is here!"Helder

"I've got my mother's ass, Granma's hair, and Uncle Roy's limp wrist...what am I gonna get from you, Bil...the fuckin' opaque glasses?"Stan Oh No Xhiao Again

Experts predict that this plate from the Franklin Mint L'il Menaces collection, entitled "Fuck you, dad!" will double in value within a year. Order yours today!Helder

"I am NOT gonna pay a lot for this muffler!" "I'm keepin' the circle wher it is" "Heeeeeyyyyyy Macarena!" "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" "Where the fuck is my deli tray?" "I've replaced my brain with folgers crystals!" "Well, kiss my grits!" "Where the Hell are the Singing Cats?" "One to Beam up!" "Whoa! I'm trippin on a.." It was a sad day for the FC, when Jeffy finally broke down into a string of meaningless one liners. Memoirs, Dolly Shultz-KeeneTerminus (With a little help from eveyone)

{>:(.O The New Improved Jeffy EmoticonTamex (salvaging)

"I suppose '7-year-old-Billy' fucking drew this as well."Heath

"Tits 'n ass, tits 'n ass...is that how you see me, Bil?"Stan Lumpy Xhiao

Not only did the Frowning Jeffy Pencil Sharpener tank, but people worried about Bil keeping the oversize mockup in his "private office."Peon

WB bastards cancelled Beast Wars! Well that's just PRIME!Doc Evil

"Dolly, when I manage to metabolize off this layer of flab that's keeping me from moving under my own power, you're gonna have hell to pay for that little remark!"Magus

The least popular Teletubby, Jef Jef.The Boy

Munch, Edvard (1863-1944). The Gripe. On loan from the Steinbrenner Collection.Gen. Sedgwick (echoing myself)

"If anybody else tries poking me in the belly, they're really gonna...*poke*HeeHeeHee....Hey! I'm getting seriously pissed off here!!!"Don Cabron

Although this image of the Martian surface appears to depict a melon headed pudgy humanoid without opposable thumbs, NASA experts assure us that this is an illusion caused by the lighting conditions. "It's a naturally occuring formation, really," says Buzz Slayton, head of image analysis, "You don't think someone would make a head look like that on purpose, do you?" Norm DePlume

"Did ya' see that ? He told those people NOT to squeeze that toilet paper, then he turns 'round & squeezes it himself, fer christ sake!"Rodney

Jeffy eventually would find out who drew big black mustaches on his Backstreet Boys and Hanson posters...it just took six hours for the rest of the family to stop laughing long enough to confess.Mr. Ben McClellan, kicking the yellow zone in the 'nads

Foiled in his attempt at the Guinness Record for Fastest Reading of Hamlet's Soliloquy, Jeffy instead settles for Longest Continuous String of Obscenities.Sean Q (it was funny once...)

"No you idiots! The chaise lounge chair goes over by the bay window to offset the Karelian Birch Armoire! Jesus, work with me people!!" The Dank

One sonic blast from the Black Canary, and the walls of the hideout crumbled to dust.scoob

"Okay, so this Lord of the Dance Summercamp thing was a bad idea."Ashhole

"Bad Touch, Daddy! BAD Touch!"anon

"So here I am at th' trough under the stands at Tiger stadium, arms akimbo, and damn if I hadn't forgot to unzip!"anon

Michael Jackson discovers he's taken the plastic surgery thing one step too far.Heath

This could be your hair...these could be your abs...this is the number you call. These could be your elbows...this could be your mouth...this is the number you call.DoctorX

"...and the next guy who writes 'you on void, mate' on my shirt gets transferred to 'Tumbleweeds,' capiche?"anon

"...and the next guy who writes 'you on void, mate' on my shirt gets transferred to 'Tumbleweeds,' capiche?"anon

"I'm madder'n hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!" Shortly after this outburst, Jeffy committed suicide by jumping out of the circle, his mangled body being found several days later in the Astrology column.anon

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