DFC #417

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Hey, enemas make me happy, too. Argyle

"Daddy says PJ likes his milk better'n yours." Semillama

December 4, 1958: Jeffy suddenly enters puberty. Helder

"Yeah, I'm a pocket pool addict, and it's your fault. Deal with it. Where do you think PJ's headed after you tell HIM he's too old for tit-fucking?" DavidK

None left in the bottle for me, eh? Well, why don't you whip out one of those hoots and give 'ol Jeffy a squirt from the source, eh baby? Brettt Maverick

Don't mind me, just a cameo. Go on with your scene like I'm not even here. Don't be distracted in any way by the biggest goddamn star you sorry fucks will ever see. Brettt Maverick

Christ, he hasn't looked that happy since we put peanut butter on his peepee and hung him over the fence at the petting zoo. What the hell's in the bottle, Drambuie? Zhao

"Yeah . . PJ's nine months old an' already feeding from a bottle, and Billy's eleven and still breast feeds. Nothin' fucked up there, Thel." Hang Lose

"I can get you 20 large for that kid. Think about it. That's a helluva lotta smack, woman." crispy

So, ma... now that you're bottle-feedin him, ya don't s'pose, you know, we could kinda rekindle what we had goin' a few years back? Free-rangin' Chicken

"You know, the kid looks more and more like Sluggo every day. Wonder if Bil ever noticed?" stanxhiao

Don't mind me. I'm just having a Freudian moment. I'll be done in a sec. bleargh

"Might as well wipe that smile off your face, P. J.; the bottle's going in your mouth...." RDF

"Ya know, I bet I'd get more business if the corner I hung out at was outside the house." RDF

"Enjoy it while it lasts, kid; before you know it, instead of Mom sticking things in one end, you've got Dad's thing in the other." RDF

"A bottle, Thel? Geez, you're stacked like Mt. Rushmore and you use a bottle?!" Eric the Black

"I hate to watch you leave, but I love it when you...no wait...I love it when you leave, but...gimme a second...hey, I hate to see you leave, but it's fun to watch you come...no that's not right---Ah, fuck it! Nice ass, Mom!" Klaus

"You're not fooling the rest of us with this sudden return of maternal affection -- we know your contact in Social Services tipped you off about the raid their planning today." Helder

"I was just thinkin', since you got that new one, you dont really need Dolly anymore, do ya?" Deiphage

"Just out of curiosity... How long does it take for super glue to wear off of... oh, say, ...a wall?" Deiphage

"Oh yeah? Well, who gives a rat's ass if I'm not your favorite any more? I've got a clause in my contract that says you and the brat get a one-way ticket to Apartment 3-G if you try fuckin with me." anon

"I see little Pop'n Fresh is all spent now, but what about your needs, Thel? How 'bout I hook you up with four throbbing inches of Keane kielbasa?" Stan Stan The Sausage Man Xhiao

"Of course he's smiling. He just shit." SlappyJack

"Me? Nothing. I'm just waiting to see P.J.'s expression when he realizes that's an enema bottle." scoob

"You'll be back. Once your nipples are sore from his amateurish suckling. You'll be back." Marvin the Robot

"Dad said he needed a little privacy to make a sandwich with Billy and Dolly, which struck me as a little odd since we're the ones in the kitchen." Helder

Don't mind me; I'm just baskin' in the perspective. Riff(no way in hell)

"Look on the bright side. Sure, you're havin' a bad hair day, but you're havin' a great ass day!" Riff

"Okay, I've made my appearance. I'm going back to bed now." Shem

"I know you're real proud of it, but if Bil spent half as much time drawing furniture as he does drawing your ass, maybe we'd have something decent to sit on." anon

I guess P.J. couldn't take the taste of silicone, huh? Saint of Killers

"Uh, that reminds me. We were all Ceaserian, right? Right? I mean, we'd have to be..." Lots42

How would you like a small fry to go with that shake? R.J.M.

Next time, before you slap his little back, check to see who's in his burp blast radius, alright? Gen. Sedgwick

No, this is called "hangin". I haven't achieved the right amount of cool to be "chillin" yet. anon

"Lessee -- straw to gold for Billy, granite to diamonds for Dolly....This Rumplestiltskin dude has played you for one major chump." Stealth

Remind me to send a thank you note to the inventor of Spandex. Gen. Sedgwick

Mom, you're a living advertisment to Buns of Steel! That and Monoboobs of Milk. Nethicus

Excuse me Ma'am, Officer Keane, Camel-toe Patrol. I'm afraid I'm going to have to issue you a citation. Opie

"Tell that wee fuck in your arms I'm gonna kick his wee ass for weeing all over my wee bondage mags." Dave Matthews

Yeah, I know, PJ...Mommy's mudslides sure beat formula,don't they? And with you 'gettin 'em from a bottle, the cops will never know the difference! Twisted Homemaker

"Today I am a man, ma." Randall

When was the last time Bil actually looked at you? You haven't had a body like that since you got pregnant with Dolly. lefty

"So this is the Forbidden Dance I keep hearing about." stanxhiao

Who knew he could leap five times his own height? Mr. ?

"I really appreciate you an' Daddy breeding the hordes of minions that I'll one day use to enslave mankind, but do you think you could pick up the pace a bit?" Westur the Unspeakable

"I know you like the little guy, but eventually the shmoos are gonna track you down and take him away." Westur the Unspeakable

"Smile all you want kid, but bottle feeding during your formative years stunts your growth. You hear me, STUNTS YOUR GROWTH!!!" GigThis!

"Hey, Claudia, wanna see me make the Statue of Liberty disappear?" Heath

"When you're done, can you fix me a samwich? Oh, an' by the way, Gramma's dead." Heath

"Actually, I'm just happy to see ya. Really, really happy." Torc.

"He looks Polish. You look Italian. I look Jewish. Dolly looks French. Billy looks German. Dad looks British. Just what the fuck is going on here, Mom?" Torc.

"My psychotherapist doesn't believe me when I tell him that you've got the best ass on the comics page, so he and a few of his friends will be stopping by later today." Helder

"Yeah, I know he's throttling you. The question is, if I help you, what's in it for Jeffy?" Pete

Jeffy's patented "pimp-lean" was a smashing success, as evidenced by this panel. Unfortunately, his "bitch-slap" technique left much to be desired, only catching Thel on the back of her thigh. Using her superior reach and kick-boxing skills, Thel pummelled Jeffy into a bloody pulp. Lt. Dan

"Careful, Mom--last night you shook the baby and burped the martini." Pogo

"The Universal Press syndicate called. They want Ziggy back right now or they're gonna fill your nappy dugout with thin-set mortar." stan

Thursday I was on a roll: feeding PJ those Ex-Lax cookies, peeing in the doorway, goosing Thel and greasing the kitchen floor. Given that the scene-stealer was there for the whole thing, I had no problem whatsoever beating the rap. -- Not Me, Is that a Smoking Gun, or Do You Just Want Me to Pull Your Finger? Ken

Now remember, bitch. He paid for 15 minutes. Not 17, not 16. 15! This aint no charity. Coyote

Admit it. I make you wet, don't I? NME--

Man, is dad ever going to pissed when he sees you're wearing shoes again. Yakko

"Ha ha!" thought PJ. "I'm frozen at the tit-sucking stage, while you get to wear Huggies pull-ups for the rest of your life!" Heath

"You know, Gramma tried breast-feeding me once, but I swear that stuff's fermented!" Heath

Jan. 23, 2001: After the FC moves onto the internet, Dilbert hacks into the system and replaces P.J. with himself, thereby fulfilling his Thel fantasy. As Dilbert is short and misdrawn himself, however, nobody really notices the switch. agm

"So poor PJ's being bottle-fed, huh? Guess he'll never know the pleasure of your supple, soft yet firm breasts, how it feels to gently tug at your nipples, teasingly, with his teeth...God, I miss the old days." frison.3@osu.edu

You know thoes times when you don't know if it's a shit or a fart but you go for it anyway? cantstopme

"A 'course he's not hungry. I just popped him a big load of Jeffy chow."valdman

You're the only one shaped like a woman. Why do you think I hang around you?Lots42

Thel thought Jeffy was just singing his favortie song until the flaming roof fell in. Lots42

"How come everyone's ass but yours is grossly over-sized?"Helder (cross-self-salvaging)

Happiness Is A Tit-fuck? Happiness Is A Warm Enima? Damnit, Thel, you know charades isn't my strong suit. Octophile

Police training flashcard #17: Loitering with IntentLloyd Dobler

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