DFC #425

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Wanna borrow s'more crosshatching?Frenchy, the Toad Swallower

Mr. Weatherbee struggled to maintain his composure. Don't look back, he thought. We're almost home, almost free, no more melonheaded freaks, just simple, normal, ageless teenagers, ignore it, ignore it...Pete

Well, OK, I packed Bobo's suitcase. But come on...I mean, he's a teddy bear, you know?Rotter

"Now Mister Bear will use his x-ray powers to see what you've got crammed up your hole."Helder

"No, Ma'am, I'm not afraid to fly. After everything my father has put me through, fiery death would be a sweet release."Hang Lose

"I'm not actually flying today. My parents decided to play out their 'saucy stewardess on layover' fantasy and couldn't find a sitter."Hang Lose

"He's got a blank stare, a pot belly, and isn't wearing pants. I call him 'dad.'"anon

"Could you run him through four or five times? We're trying to kill the lice."Eric the Black

"A younger man will come into your life. I see him giving you a soft, silky teddy." Fuck the Psychic Friends Network.Gen. Sedgwick

He is a bear of very little brain, but boy is he hung!Wangdown

Well, if it isn't "Weezy" Jefferson! What happened to George's laundry business? Doesn't look like you're "Movin' on up" any more! Anyway, can you autograph my teddy bear?Cadillac Man

When I tell you to kiss Mr. Bear good-bye, that is your cue to kiss Mr. Bear good-bye, god dammit!poinko

Thel's most humiliating experience? Personally delivering the FTD Jeffy-Teddy bouquets.Bad Girl

Reasons not to buy 'Jackie Brown, the Directors Cut'Mr. ?

Mr. Bear says, 'Help.. I'm being kidnappmmmffttttt!' Mr. ?

If the plane explodes, do we die instantly or do we fall screaming, covered in flaming jet fuel?Mr. ?

"See this bear? He makes more a day in royalties than you'll see in a lifetime. Now get the hell out of my way."Helder

Will buttplugs show up?AnuSanus

Me, Mom, and Scrumpy the Bear are the only ones allowed to fly since Dad took a crap on that 'freshment cart a few years back.Frenchy, the Toad Swallower

"Yeah, sure you can 'frisk' my bear . . so tell me, sister--do you completely patronize every fuckin' kid that comes through this airport?" Hang Lose

"Does my boo-boo bear gotta go through the X-ay defector, too?" Although he delighted elderly audiences across America, Jeffy knew his charm stopped cold at the border and this was his last chance to be charming 'til they got back.Stan Xhiao

As Thel tried to pull the pin out from the Jeffy grenade, the security guard stopped her with a quickly fired nasal missile.scoob

"Could you hold this while I ride through the machine? Mom doesn't believe I swallowed her diamond ring."gypsy

"I wouldn't push that button if I were you, lady. This bear's cocked and loaded."Magus

Ma'am, could you talk to my mom about the benefits of an Afro? That fuckin' Geri-Curl she slathers on makes me smell like a pimp.Andrea

Beary Krishna, Beary Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Beary Beary.Ken

Go ahead... eat the bear. I dare you. Do it. Do it. Do it. Chickenshit punk-ass bitch, I said eat the bear. Bitch..diablo

Hey...Teddy says "Go fuck yourself!" Ain't that neat, ma'am?Mr. Ben McClellan

Mr. Bear says your peanuts suck.Judgement Night

All members of the Fantasy Island test audience agreed that having Herve Villachez pick the guests up at the airport was a "fucking stupid" idea.Hang Lose

"Be careful where you hold him -- the little guy's in heat."Helder

"Mr. Bear would like a list of all the passengers sorted by weight, height, and flavor, just in case we're flying over any mountains."Helder

Nonsense. Teddy Ruxpins always tick.Gen. Sedgwick

Jeez, I'm already exhausted, thought Thel. Why in hell did I buy this cast-iron cross?Gen. Sedgwick

Excuse me, ma'am, but have you accepted Mr. Bear as your personal Lord and Savior?me, myself, I

The FCC arrested Bil after he started giving security avoidance tips in his cartoons. Lots42

"'The bad man going through the detector just raped this little boy in the bathroom, ma'am,' says Burpy Bear."Randall

Hi, I represent Acme Teddy Bears. We build explosive bears for use at shit hole airports like this one. If I don't get a damn good steak and shrimp dinner, kiss your fucking plane good bye.Emperor Xan

Congratulations! You've won the Bil Keane Second Annual Excellence in Airport Security Award! Here, take it already!Mr. Ben McClellan

Jeffy was about to start seducing the security guard with his raunchy rendition of "My Teddy and Me" when Thel alertly whipped him back with her industrial magnet. Thank God he had that plate in his head.FupDuck

"I am the great and powerful Mr. Bear. Ignore the boy behind me!"Monkey Punch

Yes, it's a Care Bear, and yes, I just got it for Christmas. Dumb son of a bitch got Dolly a Cabbage Patch Doll too. I figure I'll get a Tickle Me Elmo in 2013.Gen. Sedgwick

And after Dolly started thinking not nice thoughts about me, I had to change her.Mr. ?

Go fer the throat, Teddy!Mr. ?

"No, his name's Pooh because Bil keeps forgetting to draw the Charmin an' this is the only soft thing in the house."Stan Xhiao

Die Hard 4: Die, Dammit, Die. Bruce Willis faces off against terrorists yet again. For no readily apparent reason, Jeffy Keane plays his nemesis. Completely painful until the ending, when Bruce fills the little freak and his goddamn bear full of lead. Two and a half stars.Pete

"It's a Bear of Warding +2, AC 15, and it gets an additional saving throw against your Gaze of Confusion (2d16). Any further questions?"Magus

While Snuggles managed to land a career in advertising, his cousin Smuggles seemed destined for a life of crime.Orbo

Hi, I'm making fun of the little people who serve my whims and needs. Now kneel before Mr. Teddy or I'll get you fired, hon!Bitchy Whore Fag

Hey! You're big, brown and cuddly just like my bear! Will you come home with me and watch me beat off to Mr. Rogers, too?Vice Pope Doug

Follically-challenged, fitness challenged myopic misanthrope, technically-challenged, coiffe-challenged african-american female, substance-abusing higher mammal, neurotic lesbian democrat, veg'tarian pedophile an' me, your frien'ly neighborhood megalomaniacal paranoid schizophrenic with a bad meth habit and a fondness for supermodels ... like, quota-city! Daddy can draw every other panel lilly-white an' hooded for the rest of the year!Vice Pope Doug

But don't let him bite you. He got Thel, and now all she can say is, 'sooo coold.'Mr. ?

The Keanes were running so late for their flight, Thel had to finish ironing Jeffy's hair while waiting in the security line.hangtownman

"He's got a white leather vest and a red hanky in his left pocket. So, no, a hug is not what he wants.""Heath

We will begin pre-boarding for Flight 425 momentarily. First class passengers and those needing special assistance, including the macrocephalic, the ursine, those of you on more than one controlled substance, the venerially afflicted, and bald guys with coke bottle glasses may now board.Ken

Ma'am...would you please give my bear a kiss? Please give him a kiss...like now...kiss the bear! Hurry, before my suitcase gets into view...turn away from the camera, bend down and give my bear a fucking kiss...NOW!R.J.M.

This is Boomer...he's one of the Bomby-babies!R.J.M.

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