DFC #426

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Dolly is tested for the Y2K bug.Larry Hastings

After twenty years of finding sex in Ritz crackers advertising, Wilson Brian Key turns his eye to a new foe: satanic messages in the funny pages.Larry Hastings

Fun Family Circus Facts: This scene, occurring just moments before a severely intoxicated Bil beats Dolly into the ICU for "showin' off her fancy grade school learnin'" is the last in which she doesn't have the scar.Hang Lose

"Eight's my favoritest number because:" 1) it looks like two melon heads french-kissin', 2) it reminds me of Mommy on a good tit day, 3) it's an easy way to draw Daddy's eyes. Dolly's Daily Pick-a-Caption Popup Book, 1967Stan Xhiao

Addition: If Keane's comic syndicate pays him one dollar per amusing comic, per year, and he negotiates an increase of 7 dollars,what is his annual salary? Write this number five times.zen

Spartikade, 1966, Karl-Marx-Stad, East Germany. Dolly's judging of the women's floor excercise was unforgiving. But her high standards, combined with a steady diet of anabolic steroids, helped create the East German Olympic Juggernaut of the '70s and '80s. "The History of East Bloc Sports" by Pedr Jurganislav Keane.Lt. Dan

Dolly signals her fans that there are eight sapphic symbols in this cartoon. Just to get you started, here's three: 1) the lambda in her ear; 2) one of the 7's is an upside-down triangle; 3) her left hand is a profile of Camille Paglia.Horselover Fat

But I already drew the nines, said Dolly, turning her sixes over and starting on the long road of owning her own car dealerships.Mr. ?

"Now I can't go swimming for a half an hour."hangtownman

In Bil Keane's most controversial drawing, he incorporates the Number of the Beast, the telephone suffix for the Florida Lottery, and the symbol for the So-Blotto-You've-Got-Double-Vision Olympics.Ken

Quit doing that, PJ, I'm trying to concentrate!Ken

Look, mommy, I'm a master-eighter!Ken (and no doubt many others)

Dolly forgets to "Duck and Cover".Bad Girl

The sweat shop where Sesame Street lyrics are written.Bad Girl

The spelling tests were easy during "All-Numbers Week." Special ed rocked!Bad Girl

"I like 8's. They're crazy. Just like me! Ha ha ha!" Then she opened fire....Bad Girl

Guess what I just calculated! In 88,888 A.D., I'll still be only six fucking years old!agm

We here at Cowles are committed to you, the reading public. That is why we have a crack team of cryptographers on staff working around the clock so that one day, we will able to unlock the humor in our Family Circus panels.bobo

See how the eights fit perfectly between the little lines. You know what they call that, dad? PROPORTION! Correct proportion, dad! Look it up.Mr. ?

Ah-HAH! What the fuck did Fermat know, anyway?Gen. Sedgwick

"Don't think I didn't hear you unzipping when you walked in through the door, Dad. Are you going to keep trying an obscene ambush, or do you want a pencil in your bladder?"Magus

"You know... I've been over the figures 11 times, and no matter how you slice it, Gen. Sedgewick's been padding his total."snackwhore

Still using that out-of-date home page hit counter?Ken

"Eight eights ate eighty-eight--oh, dammit, Bil, you stupid hack! Do you want Schulz to sue us back into the poorhouse?! Think of another gag, you moron!"Pete

Fun Family Circus Fact #173: Dolly is the only person in U.S. history to be arrested for forging $6, $7, and $8 dollar bills.Helder

Ma'am, may I be excused? My walnut-sized brain is full.Namgubed the Merry Elf (nod to GL)

"Ahhhh!" Dolly exclaimed as little Joey Pemberton eased another finger into her from behind.Rev. Stackpole

"Yep, eight fingers again today! It's been a banner week!"Sean Q

My god, I think I've hit on something! "oo" is just an 8...sideways! I still don't get it.Eek! the Fed

Hey kids! You too can draw Dolly! Just follow these easy steps: 1) Draw the figure 8. 2) Make the top oval her melon-shaped head; draw a ponytail if in profile. 3) Throw drawing in trash, or mail to Cowles.Coalcracker

"According to my calculations, at this rate Bil will draw a funny strip sometime in August 8888."Helder

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? I dunno . . does it have 'busy hands' like Daddy?"Hang Lose

You had better believe that after the reaming Dolly got from her teacher for her sloppy '6's and '7's, those 8s were hugging the margin. Hang Lose

"ABEND! ABEND! Somebody reboot me!"Stan Xhiao

After tracking the size of her ass for 6 weeks, Dolly was forced to admit she had a weight problem.Helder

Mommy, if a guy slipped you a roofie, and you don't remember if he screwed you or not, does he still "count"?Judgement Night

Panel drawn during the Mr. Keane's "martini period," in which his melon-headed children began to look strangely olive-headed.Cryptique

"Out of your last 100 cartoons, eight of them were slightly non-lame. That's a record, Dad -- keep up the good work."Heath

"9,10,11 strands of hair. Shit- I gotta get some of Dad's Rogaine and quick!"Eric the Black

After 10 months of incessant letter-writing and hanging out around Sesame Street, Dolly finally received a restraining order from The Count.The Dork Wanderer

Dolly's search for the exact value of pi veers dramatically off-course.me, myself, I

Dolly toiled long hours to perfect the signatures of several of Sesame Street's sponsors. Her next stop would be the bank to cash some checks.Lord Zombie

Regrettably, at that moment that Dolly suffered severe writer's block. Her great American novel would never be completed.Shifter

"Wronk wronk wronk wronk?" Why can't you cartoon teachers speak clearly?Judgement Night

Sister Clara was taught to be patient, but these special ed kids shouting "BINGO! BINGO! I've got Bingo." after every number she called out was starting to test her limits.Judgement Night

"You're out of your league, Schroeder, you couldn't afford my vig! Why don't you try Peppermint Patty, she's always good for chump numbers like yours."Stan Xhiao

"Guess what, Bil . . 66,666 monkeys, typing randomly for 77,777 years, would produce material 88,888% funnier than this stupid strip!"Hang Lose

Oh, so eight years is greater than what you got for statutory rape, but less than your first-degree manslaughter conviction. Gee Dad, your rap sheet makes learning math so easy!hl

" Like Da Vinci, Dolly wrote everything in code. Thel knew what the shopping list meant, however, because all Dolly ever wanted was malt liquor."Adam K.

Dolly's quest to calculate 'infinity plus one' continues.Heath

Wow, only two more commandments to break.Argyle

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