DFC #428

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Does this look like the one I hatched from?"Snafflepod

"And with a little creative coloring, you can't even see the fuse. I tell you, the White House is in for a big surprise this year!"hangtownman

"And this one's ready to hatch." Billy wondered what might come out? Scenery? Furniture? A new sister?Ken

"You see, I just draw an unintelligible black smudge, and it could be anything that I tell the mindless masses it is! Who needs talent?" A young Bil Keane starts down the path to the dark side.Helder

It's clip art! That means Bil can pass out an hour earlier!Moorlock

Keep it up with the booze, Bil. Your kidney stones make great Easter eggs.wadd

Make A Million in a Week: A Self-Help Book by Billy Keane.-- Chapter 1: Fabergé from Crayola.Livin' In Deep 13

"Look, my droogs! Eggy-weggs, all rainbow-like, real horrorshow!"Dvandom

"Daddy! I gotta quirky new idea...'The Family Circus' inside the shape of an egg! It'll be almost as controversial as that time you just drew a pizza!"--Tice

"And Easter celebrates the time when Jesus rose from the dead and went forth with his zombie army to feast on the flesh of the living!"me, myself, I

Decorating eggs is easy. I take an egg like this, and I drink down a couple shots like these, and then when I start to see the funny colors I just draw 'em!me, myself, I

"The egg is a symbol of all living things. The chick inside it is small, just like me; and right now it's trapped in this egg, just like I'm stuck in this circle; but soon, the chick will grow bigger and escape from the egg, just like I ... ummm ... just like ... oh God!" Ten minutes later Billy was sharpening his axe.me, myself, I

Billy figured he could get drunk faster if he soaked his brain directly in a glass of whiskey.scoob

"OK, now let's put them back under the hen and fuck with its mind."Helder

"Slightly stained, but completely intact! My digestive tract is gonna get me on Fox for sure!"Die Fledermaus

Geez mom, these look almost good enough to eat. We know better, of course, since you've even managed to find a way to fuck up hard-boiled eggs!Robbbbb

I am being like a pig with the nose and the big truffle in my hand, yes?Andy Kaufman

"Hold still!"Snafflepod

"Jesus has got to hatch out of this one!"Cranky Bear

Is this an ostrich egg or am I back to being 6 inches tall again?Hugh Jass

From the video for "Two Shots, One Crayon, and Four Eggs," taken from the album "The Shittiest of George Thorogood", Rhino Records, 1987.Blank Generation

"C'mon... It's three times larger than my mouth! Who bets twenty bucks?"Bad Girl

"Oh, I couldn't do that, Mr. Egg. I couldn't....kill them..."Bad Girl

Annnnd viola! Now there's an egg worthy of chucking at Martha Stewart's Mercedes!Rotter

Yeah, as usual, when there's a snapshot of happy people engaged in a family holiday activity, it ain't hard to spot glasses of Scotch lying around the scene.Rotter

I call this one, "The Rectal Polyp."Rudy Ray Mortician

Look! it’s the tumor that killed Grandpa!Frenchy, the Toad Swallower

Damn, I'm good.SUCK

After a few shots of food coloring and a rousing courus of "He's a Jolly Good Egg," the Keane family was psyched for Easter.iota

"Woah! We finally get some real food around here and we're dyeing it?"Riff

"No, stupid. Santa gets the cookies & milk. The Easter Bunny gets hard-boiled eggs and Jagermeister!"Rev. Stackpole

All the neighbors remembered him as a quiet boy whose only hobby was torturing small animals before they hatched. --Son Of Bil: The Paradise Valley KillerStan Xhiao

Billy Keane's head and some fucked-up egg: Separated at birth?Helder

Only known extant childhood photo of Cool Hand Luke.Gen. Sedgwick

"To think of all the years I wasted slammin' beer cans into my forehead!" Crazy Climber

If you stare at this panel from an angle, then Billy's head appears normal. But then the panel appears oval, and the egg is too flat. If you look at it from an inclined diagonal angle, the egg looks right, and Billy's head is an ellipse, but the cups are now oval. Should I get glasses?agm

"Pour me two more shots a that rotgut, Lefty: I'm a-eatin' me another cowpie!"Randall

"If Dolly keeps squirtin' 'em out like these, we won't have to dunk 'em or nuthin'!"Mr. Kontoontwon

"Hope you like it, it's the best I could do... I mean, come on, it's black and white, for crying out loud!Daniel M. Laenker (salvaging - love ya, squirt!)

"I had to use a marker. These shot glasses are too small to dip the eggs in. Tell El Lusho to stop breaking the highball glasses."Monkey Punch

I can't wait 'til the alien bursts out an' infests my body!NME--

Man, Dolly was right, don't ever eat the pickled eggs at the bar.Yakko

"It's very simple. We'll place our eggs in the sparrow's nest, and the sparrow will raise them to adulthood."Pete

"Hello, America! Now that The Family Circus has managed to endear itself to you all, I'd like to introduce our alien masters."Doctor X

"And you, my friend . . . you I will spare. . ."Hang Lose

For three weeks before the Wellbutrin kicked in, Billy was convinced he was the "Kwanzaa Bunny"Frenchy, the Toad Swallower

"Hey, Mom. Here's another fuckin' egg. Tell me how good this one is."M

A Boy's First Lipstick and Rouge. Bil Keane, ball point on cocktail napkin, 1955.Horselover Fat

"Oh, yes, Mr.Eggy, you're my best friend! You're my only friend! My only friend in the world! Yes, my only friend in this hating, cruel, misunderstanding world, that wants only to kill me. Thank you, Mr.Eggy."E.Novak

" Hey Bil, next time you take off a week, I'm gonna paint all the strips on the side of an egg. It's sort of a neo-surrealist thing."Adam K.

Now watch what happens when I stab it with my hair!Mr. ?

"One more snide remark out of you, Mister Egg, and you'll get the crayon again. We both know how I can buture art."XXX

Collector's Plate #4: Billy impresses everyone with his ability to mispronounce "egg."Hugh Jass

Despite weeks of subliminal messages, Bil was unable to get the DFC to change their nickname of "melon-headed freaks" to the more intellectual sounding "egg-headed freaks."Judgement Night

Using wax to decorate eggs is cool, but I still like it better melted and dripped on my nipples.Andrea

Wow! Who did this one? Mom? Dolly? Jeffy? PJ? Barfy? Kittycat? Grandma? Not Me? I mean, I know it wasn't you, Dad.Andrea

"Sure, coloring eggs is fun and all, but my favorite part of Easter is when we nail Jeffy to the back fence for six hours."hangtownman

"... and here, Dad's left nut. Man, THAT got him off the sofa!"anon

Look at the many wonderful and diverse objects I pulled from my ass!-methree

"Da, komrades. Chernobyl eggs are safe and fun to eat, and completely unresponsible for my grossly mis-shapen body." -- Rough translation of the Soviet Union's most popular strip, Communal State Circus.Helder

After years of playing second fiddle to his younger brother, Billy develops the hypno-grenade. The arms race had begun. -- Excerpt from The Keane War: Covert Combat on the Comics PageHelder

Gee. That was fun. I want to kick Martha Stewart's ass more than ever.zen

Memorial Day at the Keane's was full of revelry, family togetherness, and half-price Paas.Heath

As contraceptive devices go, these are very simple.AnuSanus

"This egg of Western Zionist opression is only to hatch as a series of infinitely deceitful scoundrel plans aimed at tarnishing the wonderful image of our most humble leader, all praise be to him." Winning entry, by Iraq's Al-Thawra State newspaper, for the 'World's Least Faithful Translation Of the Family Circus' Hang Lose

And this is the pride of my collection, the Jeffey Shrunken Head(c)(tm).Yakko

Commerical still for, "I Can't Believe It's Not Azurite!"Nethicus

Hey, if we want Dad to find them let's paint them pink and give them nipples!The Mad Whacker

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