DFC #430

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Behold! The horn of Gabriel! Now shalt thou feel the wrath of the LORD!"Semillama

Thel stared in disbelief at the shiny horn. Had Billy found somebody else to do his polishing?scoob

Nope! Doesn't fit!Snafflepod

Billy's stubby fingers closed around the trumpet, and it began to glow. He slowly floated off the floor. "Wheeeee!"Snafflepod

I told all the other kids this was the Seventh Trumpet, an' they all missed the Rapture. Those expressions were priceless!Namgubed the Merry Elf

That stupid clown never knew what hit him.Judgement Night

That Harmony Smurf was a total pushover.Judgement Night

You know what I found out at the sleepover last night? Michael Jackson's a musician!Coalcracker

Man, Mr. Wilson's funeral was the best!Ken

"Check it out! I swiped the Horn of Gabriel! Apocalypse now, baby!"Pete

"Hey, where's that asshole Roland? I've been calling him for hours."Pete

That Paintshop Pro Clipart disk didn't know what hit it!Mr. ?

Jeffy finally got laid!Cadillac Man

Vinny's a made man now, Mom! That means I'm gonna be his second-in-command when the Don finally croaks!Cadillac Man

"You'd never believe these freaky new martini glasses they have at the Flamingo!"Torc

"Lad-ies and Gentlemen...make way for the King of Cartoons!"Stan "Playhouse" Xhiao

"The bugler for the 3rd Calvary Division sent this...He said the corps says 'Hi'."jeffrey

BLOW ME! Hahaha! Goddamn I'm funny! Blow me! Oh man, I kill myself!munkiman

"That Dizzy Gilespie's a big fuckin' crybaby!"Westur the Unspeakable

"The Apocalypse wasn't as bad as everyone said it would be. We had cake and ice cream -- and look, I got to keep the seventh trumpet that summoned destruction upon all mankind!"Helder

"My God", thought Thel, "it's, it's shiny." Forty two hours and sixteen cases of Pledge later, Billy could see his reflection on every ceiling in the house.Eric the Black

I was acquitted! Justice may be blind, but she can sure count money!phil

Now let's see the old bastard sleep till noon!Gen. Sedgwick

"Whosoever pulls this trumpet from Bil's anus is rightwise king born of all England! ...Or he just gets a stinkpalm, I forget which."Pete, salvaging the Red Zone

Yeah, the sick kid down the block was having one of those "Make A Wish" parties. Turns out he should've wished that I wouldn't kick his ass and take his presents!me, myself, I (feeling dirty)

Thel had no idea what vile, contemptible thing Billy had done to get the balloon, party hat, and bugle, but, sure enough, it gave her another grey hair.The Outsider

Thel could care less about the party favor... She wanted the "Bacon-in-a-Balloon."Rev. Stackpole

"$200 in small bills or I practice six times a day!"Eric the Black

"Oh GREAT!" thought Thel, "Now he thinks he's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B... I'd better get the hose."Goddess Dionysus

"Lookit all this cool shit that the neighbors are practically giving away! Well, maybe giving is the wrong word. But they didn't put up too much of a fight for it. Well, I guess I did have to break that kid's arm. But this is some cool shit, no?" Hang Lose

Thel didn't hear a word that the mewling idiot was saying. She was just trying to figure out when their house had been moved to the surface of the moon.scoob

That Mitchel kid can throw some badass parties: cake, ice cream, baloons, prizes, fries, and blow, blow, blow.anuSanus

Yeah, things kinda slowed down once the Coroner arrived. He blocked the driveway, and we couldn't make another beer run!JuJu

" I'm back from New Years! What day is it?"Adam K.

Try it, mom! This baby's got enough juice to energize even your boring ass!!!Shane

Later that evening, the Keanes received separate court summons from a clown, a jazz musician, a balloon salesman, a Chinese food delivery person, and a midget businessman.Hang Lose

As Billy passed Thel, holding the balloon aloft at her nose level, tragedy was inevitable . . .Hang Lose

"Mrs. Jenkins said I could have it as a 'special thank-you' for giving Jimmy an ant-farm for his birthday!"gypsy

From the set of Bil Keane's failed television show, "Gigantic Cardboard Box on the Prarie"Field Marshall Suck

Thel looked on in bewilderment at the badly drawn character entering the house.Is that Billy? Is it Jeffy? Jesus Christ, is it even human?Helder

"Phase 1 is complete: Cathy is contemplating suicide after the 40th birthday party I threw her, and Beatle Bailey's cartoonist is going on sebatical now that he can't use those tired, old bugle jokes any more. Now on to Phase 2."Helder

Unable to get invited to any real birthday parties, Billy was forced to throw a party for his trumpet and invite himself.Helder

"...an' they had a horse, an' a clown, an' I got this swell trumpet, an' when I won the Pin-the-Tail-on-a-Donkey I won this nifty hat with a tampon hangin' off it!"M (salvaging)

"Happer Tooty, you ol' floppy breasted Lysol junkie! I'm drunk as hell and ready for some mammy-lovin'!"anon

As soon as Gyong j'Cank the Lesser blew the Horn of Graggath that the mysterious spacefarer had given him, he saw an interdimensonal gateway open up. "Splendid!" he thought. "Now I can escape from those Imperial swine for good!" But soon after he burst into existence in the Keane household, possessing only a few belongings in his Levit-O-Bag, Gyong began to suspect that perhaps he would have been better off drawn and quartered by the Empire's evil Inquisitors after all.Gerald's Better Half

They say if you stare at the glow, it begins to turns you into some sorta crab-creature! Ridiculous huh, Mom? Mom?Dentalwork

From the makers of Silly Straw comes...Crazy Catheter!Bad Girl

Boy, those Scientologists sure know how to recruit!Heath

"Man! Those Shriners can party!!!!"Don Cabron

Hey check out what that Dr. Faustus guy down the street sold me!The EXXXorcist

Last known photo of Thelma J. Keane in the last stages of neck-thinning. Later that day she choked on a poppy seed.anon

"Look! Now we each have one hooter!"Heath

Yes, Thel knew the shame of giving birth to a Prop-Comic.Rodney

Well, here I am! Straight from Hell, in your own living room: a demon to torment you for all eternity!Gerald's Better Half

Find the rhyming pairs: Hooter-Looter, Felon-Melon, Strumpet-Trumpet, ...Ken

"Yeah, they gave away some good stuff at Jimmy's house-- but it was nuthin' like the time you filled my birthday party grab bags with 'phallactics and 'scription medicine!"Hang Lose

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