DFC #431

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Hey dad, could you draw some heavy, blunt objects in the living room? This is getting boring."Helder

"Hey, Thel, what's the problem? The loveseat's getting dusted, isn't it??"Don Cabron

Since Jeffy was such a lightweight, Bil handicapped Billy by erasing half of his motion lines.Hang Lose

Set design and customing values were weak, but Dolly's soprano voice really shone in the Keane Kidz' production of Wagner's Ring cycle.Randall

Everyone, come quick! Thier stubby arms NEVER connect! It's amazing!Rev. Evil Ed

Mom!! The loveseat isn't working again!!Walrus

"Ow! Not in the face! For the love of God, not in the beautiful, movie-star-profile, idolized-by-millions FACE!"Pete

"Well, the blood is flowin' and the 'popcorn' is poppin'...my work here is done!"Stan Xhiao

Mutti! Mutti! Billy und Jeffy macht der Kreig for der libensraum! -- A popular pun from Der Familenzirk, ca. 1939.Coalcracker

Y'know, this Kirk vs. Picard crap is really gettin' old...Doc Evil

Mom! Billy and Jeffy aren't being adorable moppets again! Can I go get the pliers?Horselover Fat

Hey, Peej! Billy called you a wuss, too!Horselover Fat

Jeffy couldn't help but notice the thunderclouds forming around his head. "Dammit grandpa, you always favor Billy, you evil dead fuck!"Helder (salvaging someone, I forgot who)

Fortunately for Billy, Jeffy's arms were too shirt to give his fists any real momentum. Unfortunately for Jeffy, the same couldn't be said for his sack of spare ribs.Helder

"A big Shout Out to all my grrlz in Compton, an' let's give it up for the Bil Keane Dancers in back of me!" sx

"Hello, my name is Dolly Keane and my new instructional video can teach anyone to Fight like a Girl" Rodney

"Again, again!" screamed the Teletubbies, and like the brainwashed sheep they were, Jeffy and Billy started another fight.Lots42@aol.com

Um, Mom? That eye exam of Jeffy's next week -- you didn't prepay for it, did you?Gen. Sedgwick

Once Dolly started singing in her brutally painful soprano voice, dogs would howl, birds would seek refuge elsewhere and Jeffy and Billy would fight brutally without any recollection of this ever happening.munkiman

"Mom, Jeffy's hair hyp-un-tised Billy, an' now he's got Billy in the armpit grab again!" Unbeknownst to Dolly, who had her back turned to the action, Billy had partially recovered, got Jeffy in a face lock and was now preparing to hit him with the butt of a zebra.Zaphod Beeblebrox

Jeffy attempts to crush Billy's chest using Bruce Lee's infamous "One Inch Punch". Jeffy forgot that Bruce had more than a two inch arm.munkiman

Jane Goodall stood amazed. Finally, evidence of chimpanzee warfare no one could dispute!Semillama

"I'm leaving now. The kiss-and-make-up part always turns my stomach."Gen. Sedgwick

Mom! Billy's fighting for his life here. Dad's just gotta start hiding that bottle of Viagra somewhere where Jeffy can't find it!The Mad Whacker

"MOM! Jeffy called Billy a popish idolator and now Billy's peltin' him to death in the name o' Luther! Can somebody stop this?"Daniel M. Laenker (Here I salvage. I can do no other.)

and Jeffy connects with a +2 Halfling Shiv for 2d6 damage to Billy... Wait! Where's my 20 sided dice!?Mr. ?

"Ooooooooooohhmmmmm! Ohhhhhhhhhh-shit. Do you guys mind? I'm trying to become one with everything over here!Ristrocket

Jeffy with a double-axehandle to the gut. But look out! Billy's been handed a steel chair and he looks ready to use it. Judgement Night

Keep practicing. We're facing those Peanuts wimps on MTV's Celebrity Death Match in two weeks.Judgement Night

Hey, Bil! When you apply the iron claw, are you supposed to squeeze the temples or the eyes?Judgement Night

The Keane family production of "West Side Story" drew critical raves for the rumble scenes, but Tony and Maria's love scenes were panned as "just a little too creepy for audiences outside Appalachia."scoob

"I dunno, first Jeffy said moral relativism was the downfall of 20th Century man, then Billy said all our knowledge of reality was an illusion, because we lacked a priori sense data. That's when they beat the shit out of each other."Mitch

"Well, Billy was discussing David Hume's work, and then Jeffy had to get into the act and started saying he subscribed to the 'Mooba Gooba Gabooby Poo' school of economics, and Billy said that he was just talking gibberish, and then Jeffy went after him with a shiv. Well, that's probably what happened. But one thing's for sure--I sure do like saying 'Mooba Gooba Gabooby Poo.'"Pete, sorta kinda salvaging Flandoria

This is going to keep happening until you get us another One Ring.Ken

o/` War! Uh huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nuthin'! Say it again! o/`Nethicus

The study of the effect of TV sex and violence on small children was inconclusive, largely because the Keane kids skewed the results of the control group.Gen. Sedgwick

Bil's threat to "fuck the shit out of you little assholes if you don't knock it off" was was no longer to be discounted, as Dolly was the first to realize.Octophile

Dolly's dramatic reading of Snow in My Vagina was not having the effect she had hoped for.Westur the Unspeakable

The argument over "What would Jesus do?" turns ugly.salvaged from oblivion

"Wham! Crash! Blam!" Dolly was always stuck dubbing the Batman sound-effects whenever Jeffy's ass needed kicking.Helder (salvaging Ken)

What happens when you play relaxation tapes backwards.Heath

Cold beer! Get yer ice cold beer! Bud! Miller! Coors!...Namgubed the Merry Elf

It was just some pushing and namecalling until I announced I'd be fisting the looser.Octophile

Their minds confused by Dr. Molesto's brain-beam-weapon, Sodom Lad and Butt Boy turn their mighty powers on each other. Will Princess Jailbait stop them in time? Tune in tomorrow on The Super-Keane Power Hour! The Lesser Gatsby

"B is for Billy, who kicks Jeffy's ass. C is for Corneas that shatter like glass." -- From Edward Gorey's The Gashlycrumb MelonsRaven (following Heath's lead)

What really goes on inside a package of Jeffy-PopNot the Messiah

Having easily fended off Jeffy's patented "Slappin' Sissy Boy" move, Billy wound up with the burlap sack full of hubcaps. They would be picking Jeffy out of the cracks in the wall for the next two weeks.-An attempt at historical re-creation

Two melonheads enter! One melonhead leaves! Two melonheads enter! One melonhead leaves!Pete

"Mommy! Billy's hitting Jeffy with Heathcliff again!"Violated Prosecutor

"Mom, will you tell them she was good in both 'Funny Girl' AND 'Funny Lady'?"hangtownman

Jeffy just called Liza Minnelli a pale imitation of her mother. Again.Anastasia

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