DFC #432

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

No, no, I've always liked sitting on your knee. But I gotta admit, the Parkinson's adds a whole new dimension to the experience.Gen. Sedgwick

..an' then Billy slipped on the blood an' fell off the loveseat, an' his head split open... this was the bestest day ever!Gen. Sedgwick

When I grow up, will my face start to decompose like yours?Ken

"So what did the princess say to the woodsman after......Oh Christ, I can't stand it, Thel! What is with that boob? You look like an Escher drawing!"Talisker

"And that's why you're the bestest mommy in the whole wide world!" CUT!! That's a wrap people! OK... break out the insulin!Magikaldragon

Not surprisingly, Keane advertised this panel as having "All-Girl Action"Hang Lose

"So it's agreed. Tomorrow we kill everything that has testicles."Hang Lose

"No more fudge for me, Mom . . it goes straight to my ass."Hang Lose

Ed's note: Can you find Bil Keane's 8 "Uncle Roy"s written in this panel?Kevy

Don't worry mother. They sent me to help make your trip through the void less frightening.Santa Claustrophobia

"It is as you have commanded, Mistress. The walls are stained with the blood of the infidel males."Rich Lather

"Careful, babe, or someone's going to drown in those eyes of yours."me, myself, I

"I used to love catching Dolly when she was smashed. I'd sit her on my lap and ask her about her day and she'd struggle to talk coherently and act like the reek of cheap gin on her breath didn't give her away. Some people might be alarmed by a six year old girl staggerring home drunk at 1AM and what that said about her future. I just looked at it as a small payback for thirty-six fucking hours of melonhead blocked labor." -- from Guilty Pleasures by Thel Keanehangtownman

Because she was a responsible parent, Thel scrupilously supervised her children's acid trips until they turned eight.hangtownman

"And then he took me again, mommy... with all the power of an ape, but gently, gingerly... i let out a small gasp as he penetrated me. It was beautiful, mommy. It's no wonder why you married him." diablo

Now that the funerals are over, let's go spend some of that insurance money.JohnBoy

"Mrs. Tommy Lee"...Oh, Mother, I'm simply walking on air!Rotter

Fortunately. the airbag deployed before my daughter got close enough for an awkward display of emotion. Thank you, General Motors/Midwestern Domestic Division!Rotter

I hate you.me

Can you help me with my pony tail? My eyes have dried up.Santa Claustrophobia

Mommy, if you don't let go of me, I'm gonna start screaming. You really don't want Daddy to come in hear and see you harrassing his "goods", do you?Mad Mambolica

Suddenly, corrupted by the extreme sweetness of the moment, all of Dolly's teeth fell out.Mr. ?

"Thel, this 'cold medicine' isn't doing...ooooh, wait, there it goes."Dvandom

Dolly's hominy-breath was a joy for the whole family.grobnious

"You know, I never really noticed it, but you have one of the most fucked up, physcially impossible hairstyles on Earth."Hang Lose

"Well, it's been nice knowing you, but I'm outta here . . . and while I may only be playing Dilbert's neighbor's sister-in-law's adopted daughter, it's still a Helluva lot better than this shit."Hang Lose

"We need to think of another name. 'NAWGLA' just doesn't pack the same punch as 'NAMBLA.'Torc.

"Mom, you've got to get a shorter strap-on. How deep do you think I go?"Stickboy

"Tell me a happy story about a baby switched at birth, Mommy, please, I really need it right now."Torc.

"Whatever kind of look you're going for, you missed."Stan Xhiao

"Mom, you're the only person I trust. Tell me the truth, is my ass really bigger than my head?"Helder

"At the count of three, you will awaken refreshed and relaxed, with no memory whatsoever of what you did with Billy's and Jeffy's bodies."Helder

We've been havin' a lot of these mother-daughter talks lately. You sure the FC hasn't been picked up as a Lifetime Channel series?Coalcracker

The FBI? HA! They don't know their ass from a hole in the ground!Judgement Night

Three and a half hours to ourselves. God, I love Super Bowl Sunday!Gen. Sedgwick

"I love you more."FJ!!

Dolly Keane was the first mammal cloned using a wart from Thel's labia. The results were never released, of course, because the experiment was viewed as a failure.Argyle

You know, these moments would seem a lot more tender if you would stop calling me "your fuckin' little hellspawn."Cranky Bear

"I have to admit it -- you make me wet. You do."anon

I have no clue which story in alt.sex.stories this is supposed to illustrate, but I can sure as hell guess the keywords.phil

Those were the best brownies ever.Rev. Evil Ed

In the land of the flat-chested, the woman with one breast is Queen.Ken

"Well, Thel, today is it! In a few short hours we're not goin' on Rosie, not Jerry Springer, not Regis and Kathie Lee, but OPRAH! We're gonna spill the beans on these Keane bastards on OPRAH! And our book won't be in the "Humor" section at Barnes & Noble, oh no! We're talkin' New York Times fuckin' Bestseller List, girl!"Tillman

Mom, I would just like to say, that after all the years of drugs, violence, polishing, and general wierdness, THANK YOU for these vibrating panties. I'm going to bed now, and I may never come back., Bri-boy

Mmmmmmmm...Daddy never did this.Sickboy

Mommy, tell me again about the time Bil almost choked to death on his own vomit.Judgement Night

"I've replaced all the batteries in your "special toys", restocked the liquor cabinet, and refilled your methadone prescription. Happy Mother's Day!"Helder

"I had a dream that you cut your hair _real_ short and butch-like. I'm so glad you didn't!"Heath

Thanksh for briggin' me home, Thelsh! I neva thought Chuck Brown and hissh friendsh could get me this s-shitfashed!Mr. Ben McClellan

As Dolly rambled incessantly, Thel smiled sweetly and tried her best to look attentive... while she calculated the perfect trajectory for the headbutt.XXX (Thanks Hang Lose)

"You're the bestest, Mommy! I think I'll kill you last!"Westur the Unspeakable

Music up: "It's the best of the best/It can pass any test/It's as large as Everest/We all love Thelll's Chessst!" Voice-over: "Thel's Chest--brought to you by Congoleum. Beautify your home with Congoleum. Tonight's episode: 'Rumble in a Tight Turtleneck.'"Dave Matthews

"Mommy, when I'm all growed up will I be... wait, time out. Dammit, Dad wrote "KILL ME" on your turtleneck again..."Sean Q

"Yes, my love, let them find us like this, as though we but slept. And now, most delicious poison--where's the fucking laudunum? Goddamnit, Thel, how many of these suicide pacts are you going to screw up?"Pete, salvaging Xamian

"Aaaaah. Allegra."Lots42@aol.com

"Mom, I don't know what I did but it's all over your leg."Lots42@aol.com

"I'm going to count down from three. When I get to zero, you will believe you are an invisible chicken. Three...two..."Torc.

"And then I went on the ferris wheel while Daddy and Billy went...What is it? You're not listening to me, are you? Oh, shit, you're fantasizing about polishing my uvula again, aren't you?"Torc.

"Dolly, I can't talk right now. The captain wants me to go to warp speed."Shane

"You jump, I jump- right, Mommy?"Tangent

I do love you, Mommy, really I do. But Daddy would kill me if I told you where the keys to the handcuffs are.Tangent

"Mommy, is this baby God's?"tedz

"Bet you never thought we'd get your ass locked up in a home, huh, Mom?"Pete

All of us learned to at least try to smile at Dolly's "see-food" joke.grobnious

Oh, that's MUCH better...in circles. Thanks, Mommy!Latent Appliance Fetisher

"...and don't worry about the helmet -- it looks just fine. Try to stop banging your head on the walls, though, and they'll probably let you out a lot sooner."Mr. Kontoontwon

"That's the way," thought Thel. "No teeth."scoob

"Times like this I almost forget we're stuck in Hell."Heath

When I finally grow up, I better have a body like yours or Satan's gonna need a new circle of hell before I'm through. Mr. ?

"I remember one time, Dolly and Thel got into a staring contest...it didn't end for hours. Finally, Dolly brought it to an end by pissing all over Thel's feet. She may have won that one, but she celebrated in an iron lung." -- Pubert Jacques Keane, Circle of FiendsPete

"Thank you Mr. Bojangles, you have nice hair too, but I'd like to talk to Thel now. Do you think you could let me talk to Thel?"Torc.

Love is ... never having to use your safe word.Helder

"All right, one last time. When the big hand's on 3 and the little hand's on 5, it's 5:15. But when the big hand's..."me, myself, I

Do I want a turtleneck just like Mommy's? I'd settle for just a neck, thank you. Oh, and maybe a killer rack, too.Coalcracker

You can skip the part about the birds and the bees, Mom. I just want to know how give really killer head.bobo

"...then they'll apply a little bit of greasy stuff to your temples and attach a couple rubber pads. They'll check to make sure you're strapped in good and tight, and they'll stick a rubber thingy in your mouth so you don't bite your tongue off...Torc.

Oh! So you knew my upper wrists were erogenous zones all along!Coalcraker

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