DFC #435

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

It's times like this I'm grateful to have just one nostril.Gen. Sedgwick

Number 2 in the "What the hell is Dolly holding?" series.Helder

"It turns out we didn't find all the Easter eggs last year!"Helder

Geez.....I dunno....... Is it shinola?art prole

We eat tonight! We don't know what, but we eat!Horselover Fat

Jeffy brought the scope to bear on Dolly. "Steal my spotlight, will you?" He thought, stroking the trigger. "The next newspaper section you're gonna see is the 'bitchuaries!" Hang Lose

Not bad for one nostril, huh?Heath

"Hey, Dad! Your Christmas bonus is finally here!"Heath

"Dolly...in the void...with a turd. " Milton-Bradley dropped Keane's new Clue board like a hot potato.The Mystery Roach (I prefer Kill Doctor Lucky.)

"Well, either you've got to come up with another gag or learn to draw a little better. How the fuck am I supposed to mispronounce it if I can't even tell what the hell it is?"Jester

Mom, I found a hideous demonic blob from outer space. Can I keep him?Werehamster

"I don't know what it is, but it has more texture than the last five panels combined, so I'm keeping it!"Dvandom

"Here's my allowance. Remember, its got to look like an accident."Frer

"Well jeez, Daddy . . you said that we should always keep a piece of Grandpa with us . . "Hang Lose

"Whew! I found your last shred of dignity, Dad . . it was wedged between the sofa cushions."Hang Lose

"Dad, I know you always wanna do the 'Christian' thing, but do you really think you should let the special ed kids make your clip art?"Hang Lose

Dolly Keane: Hairball WranglerRich Lather

Cool, huh? This stuff has been shooting out of my palm since I got bitten by that radioactive dung-beetle!Dentalwork

. . . . the Red Asterisk's insanity of mobius/comic strip humor: the stupid caption: "Look what I found by the . . . . Twomp

"Let's see ya polish this up to a high gloss, bitch!"Westur the Unspeakable

OK, Thel, nothing's coming up but bile and intestinal fluids. How long 'til I'm thin?Octophile

Oh gosh, where to begin? First off, I'd like to thank the Academy for choosing me as best female melon-head in a supporting role...Karne-age

Few Christian families still bother to celebrate the anniversary of Jesus's first bowel movement.Helder

"Roast tribble, anyone?"Stealth

"We always knew it was going to be a rotten day when Dolly came home holding someone's pancreas. There was blood under her fingernails, a happy smile on her face, and always, always the same phrase: 'I did the Bad Thing again.'" - Pubert Jacques Keane, Circle of FiendsPete

I almost stepped in this!TheWhim

Well, they can't be more than (sniff) two days ahead of us, Kemosabe.Namgubed the Merry Elf

Mr. Shatner? Curtain call in 5 minutes, Mr. Shatner!bobo

"Wow, Jeffy did fit in my E-Z Bake Oven!"jeffrey

Distraught over the death of her husband Josť Arcadio, and increasingly consumed by memories of former days and her rivalry for the love of Pietro Crespi, Dolly begins eating earth again. --from'One Hundred Years of Melonheads'by Gabriel William Keane.King Catherine the Transvestite

Dad, your super-power is hereditary-- everything I touch turns to shit, too!Andrea

"Good aroma, a smooth texture, and a playful color. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've found the Best In Show winner."Helder

"Hey dad, looks like the publishers have finished reviewing your latest book submission."Helder

Dolly explains Thel's recent liposuction at "Show and Tell"Eric the Black

Anybody loose a flat, rotting colon?iota (thanks for the idea, Timmy!)

Anyone else want to quit before I come?Ken

"At first I was going to flush it 'cause I thought it was the afterbirth, then I noticed it had your smile, Dad."Torc.

The Family Circus Word-A-Day Calendar hit a low-point with "coprophagy."me, myself, I (spelled correctly this time)

I took care of that oing in the disposal. That'll be 60 bucks.Coalcracker (salvaging)

I guess I do make a lousy Lady McBeth. This blood's not bothering me at all.Mr. ?

"Hold 'im still, Jeffy. The leeches are ready."scoob

One of the foot soldiers in Pat Robertson's Pro-Life Army, Dolly was a natural; insulting, hostile, judgemental...oh, and she didn't mind carrying around a bloody aborted fetus.Lt. Dan

It's some sort of poorly rendered mess of ink blobs and squiggles, but those marbles she's holding are nice.Mr. ?

All right, now where's the fan?Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Poop" --from The Dysfunctional Family Circus's Most Succinct PalindromesHeath

"Here's your Michael Bolton CD back!"Heath

You better get that silicone leak fixed, Thel.Mr. ?

"Who'da thought you could wring that much water out of a cat?"Heath

Daddy's passed out on the lawn, but he's not "shitfaced drunk" ... yet.anon

Let's see... frond... bugle... dog turd... all we need is a fireplace grate, and we win the scavenger hunt!Gen. Sedgwick

"That guy from Spawn bought all the homerun balls, but Daddy did get Mickey Mantle's liver!"Sean Q

Dolly's career as an Allstate agent was short lived.Argyle

Did somebody say McDonalds?king mo

From the rejected video for "Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places"Heath

"Dysfunctional Dung Beetle Family Circus! It'll be a new spinoff!"recook

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